Theft

I dreamed you before I had you, my everything, my joy,
my sunshine, my love, you left behind your favorite toy.
I am waiting by the door, I am waiting by the window,
You can find me in your room, warming up your pillow.
I am waiting to unpack your lunch box, to hear your voice,
hopelessly remembering your “good bye”, blocking out all noise.
How do I breathe, without you my beautiful lovely child,...how,
in this chaos, within this misery and other parents' desperate howl.

It's past your night time, your little bed remains empty and undone,
I cannot do this tomorrow again, I'd rather sleep forever, I'm done.
I left the lights on so you can find me, oh please console me in my sleep,
my warmest sunshine, deepest love, after you I weep, I weep, I weep!
A visceral void, a shattering heartache, - is what I feel, is what is left,
a childless mother, - is what I have become, after cold murder, and a theft!
A love that transcends all boundaries, but a heaviness that blackens all light,
I can almost taste your sweet smell, I will dream of you, my child, all night.

I hope you found a nice soft bed in heaven, and fell asleep to a gentle lullaby,
Please be careful, and promise to laugh a lot, now that you have wings to fly.
Forgive me, for I could not have held you, and did not protect,
your little life- and you were frightened, felt abandoned, I suspect.
And I thank you from the depths of my tormented heart for the gift of you,
for you enriched, deepened and clarified the meaning of 'I love you'.
I will keep the light on for you, forever, until you find your way back home,
the birthplace of primordial light, the cradle of eternal love, your resting dome.