Marriage

There's something about a wedding. I've attended several weddings over this past summer, and I'm just amazed about how special they are. The bonding of one man and one woman, the agreement to live the rest of their lives together, to live for each other, until "death do they part."

That's a pretty strong part, there at the end. So many today forget that there's a whole "death do us part" bit in their vows. Next thing anyone knows, a man or woman is on wedding number six, and is already planning their divorce. Since when do we believe that being married is something that you can just so casually throw away when another woman or man comes your way? Since when do we see marriage as some toy that can be disposed of once it loses its sparkles and the going gets tough?

"We couldn't do it."

"We weren't right for each other."

"We just rushed into this."

"It just fell apart."

Common excuses, aren't they? In this world, a lot of relationships are rushed, and so many don't really care about whether or not it works out. If it doesn't work out, there's plenty of other fish in sea, after all. And even if the relationship took forever to blossom into marriage, it will fall apart when it becomes difficult, or another person comes into the picture. It doesn't even have to a person. It can a job, an addiction, anything.

So, why all this? One thing it comes down to is that people are lazy. They don't want to deal with difficult things if they can step out of it. Another thing is desire and lust. If your current spouse is not appealing to you anymore, and someone else is, you can just divorce your spouse to pursue the other person. If things just fell apart, who worked hard to keep it together? Did neither bother to fix it? Or did just one person try?

It all comes to defining marriage. It's said that a man will leave his parents to become one with his wife. Let's back over one part there. "Become one." Not two, one. Meaning, the marriage shouldn't be just about the husband, or just about the wife, it should be about both. It shouldn't be a whole "it's got to be completely equal, straight down the line" thing, it should be about both husband and wife. Both husband and wife working together as one. That should mean both are doing their part to keep the marriage going. None of this "it's falling apart," or "we aren't right for each other," or "we couldn't do it." A marriage is a commitment, a promise. With every divorce, the promise is broken.

In a marriage, there shouldn't be any excuses as to why it fell apart. If two are to get married, they must, as it is their marital duty, not stop striving towards a perfect marriage. Perfection in the sense of the world may be impossible, but if one, in this case, one being a married couple, sets the bar that high, there's no excuse for settling for "good enough." There shouldn't be "it didn't work out." If it doesn't work out, it means either the husband or wife, or even both, was not doing his or her job in the marriage. And that's a choice.

If you rush into a marriage, well, why did you do that? Were you both really "the one" for each other? If that was truly the case, then there's no reason for divorce. You weren't ready for it? A lot of people aren't ready for things that they face, but honestly, who truly is ready? What marriage is really, truly ready for the things that it faces? You can say that you're prepared, but things don't always work out the way they're supposed to. Does that mean a couple should just divorce because something that bad happened? It's lazy to not work through it. It shows the lack of desire of actually wanting the marriage to continue.

If you're not ready for things that are thrown around in a marriage, what makes you think you're ready for the commitment of a lifetime? If you can't face the sorts of problems marriages face with your husband or wife, why get married just to get divorced?

Cheating is another thing. "Do not commit adultery." Getting deeper into this, even having a lustful thought about another man or woman is committing adultery. In marriage both husband and wife should guard not only their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well. They made a commitment to each other, and so to the other they belong. Adultery is a sin, and is like burning the marriage contract every time it's committed. It shows no respect for the husband or wife, whether it's done physically or mentally, nor does it show any respect for promise made between the two. A marriage, as said before, is the bonding of two to become one. Adultery weakens this bond, and opens the door for the one to become two plus one. If you get married, you stay committed to your husband or wife, or you shouldn't get married. There's nothing mature about cheating, and marriage is for the mature.

I earlier stated part of the traditional vow, "until death do us part." But I know that a couple doesn't always put that into their vows. It could be "for as long as we both shall live," which is say the previous one in a different way. Or, "for as long as we both love each other." That is a lame loophole. By putting this piece into the vow, you're giving yourself a chance to escape a marriage if it gets too hard. It's a cop-out, and that's not what marriage is about. You shouldn't even be thinking about a divorce that could come down in the road. As said before, a marriage is a commitment, and if loopholes are being put into the wedding vows, then there shouldn't be a marriage. Don't make promises that you're expecting to break. Some couples will just skip that whole part out. They don't want to have to answer to breaking their vows if they divorce. Taking it out of the vows is just trying to get rid of the possible guilt that would come with divorce, the guilt of breaking a vow. It's another lazy, inexcusable tactic to get out of marriage, and once again, if you skip that vow, there shouldn't be a marriage.

I'm not married, never have been married, and I'm not going to even try to pretend I know what's it like to be married. But I have seen marriages fail, and I have seen them survive. My own parents' marriage have survived through very difficult times, and they're coming up to their twenty-first anniversary, stronger than ever. I have seen marriages fail, because the couple decided that it wasn't worth it to work it through. But I have also seen my friends torn up because their parents didn't stay together. Because their parents decided that enough was enough and that something else was much more important. That's another thing that I haven't touched on: The effect a divorce has on the people around them.

I know that society promotes divorce by saying it's okay. But it's not okay. It's never been okay. Society promotes the excuses, but none of them are any reason for divorce.