Dear Me

“Hello, hello?  It’s me, Annie Bennett, the antique dealer who wants to write mysteries.  I’ve been wandering around in your head for about six months now and I ‘m wondering when you are going to put me into words and let me get on with my adventures?”

Dear Me:

Weekly I hear this lament from Annie and an entire cast of characters who populate the writing part of my mind. 

Here I am at the beginning of 2013, another year with all the promises of dreams fulfilled and great accomplishments to come. Next December as I look back over this year, what one goal do I want to achieve? As Dorothy Parker said, I want “to have written.” What I need to figure out is what prevents me from attaining that goal? Is it fear masquerading under the disguise of perfectionism? Even writing this letter to myself has been extremely painful and I wanted to just give up and say it doesn’t really matter. But it does matter to me. I am a writer I just haven’t been writing. The fear of the first words off the keyboard not being great has crippled me. Octavia E. Butler said: “You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.”

I have story ideas and the characters for stories running around in my imagination. What stops me from writing them? I think I have a fear that once I put Annie, Tom, or Maggie down on paper they will just stand there, and I won’t be able to find the words to tell the story. I am afraid that it won’t be perfect the first time so I am afraid to begin.  But I am going to begin. I am going to start by giving everyone in the story a complete name, an age, a description, and a background. I will work on this daily, starting with Annie. As I come to know them in more detail I believe I will know how they will think, feel, and act.

I am committing myself to write something five out of seven days. If I can work on something several times a week to keep my writing joints lubricated, I will also build up writing muscle. I have a list of prompts to carry me through the first couple of weeks, just to get me going. I renewed my Writing.com membership and will use that site for inspiration and writing ideas. I also have been looking through some of the books on writing I’ve  accumulated over the years.  I am again carrying a notebook and I’m jotting down ideas as they occur to me.
                                                 
Writing this letter has been enlightening. I have written, deleted, rewritten, said “forget it,” but returned to begin again. I realize that is writing in a nutshell. Clarifying my feelings and desires about writing has been a wonderful way for me to start 2013. I now make a commitment to myself to let the words loose, good or bad, to fulfill my desire to write. I will encourage myself with the words of James Michener, “I’m not a very good writer but I’m and excellent rewriter.”


557 w/c