Dream Journal

Dreaming

I experience extremely long, detailed, intricate and lucid dreams. I have since I was a child. I’ve decided to create this Dream Journal in order to begin logging these experiences. I say ‘experiences’ because these dreams have as much impact on my waking self as “real” events. Have you ever woken up laughing and had that feeling color your entire day? When I have related these dreams to friends and loved ones, I’m told that everyone doesn’t necessarily experience dreaming in the same way. I’m sure there are many people who experience dreams in much the same way as myself, however, for the purposes of this journal, I thought it would be best to describe as best I can how I personally experience dreaming. The reader may recognize some aspects, and be perplexed by others. I have been perplexed by many of my dream experiences and this essay is an attempt to find some structure and meaning and mechanics of how I dream, for myself as much as for the reader.

I’m told that I remember my dreams because I wake up numerous times during the night. That my REM (Rapid Eye Movement) state is interrupted allowing me to remember what my mind had just been processing. What I find most fascinating is the ability of the mind to ‘hold’ on to that thread of thought and continue the dream when the REM state is attained again. I have no reason to believe that this statement is not in fact true. I do know that as a child I suffered from severe “growing pains” that would plague me throughout the night and as an adult I’ve suffered with severe arthritis in my neck resulting in numerous bulging discs which pinched various nerves sending pain throughout parts of my body, again, waking me throughout the night. This may account for why I so frequently and vividly remember my dreams, however, it does not answer the core question of “why” we dream.

There are numerous theories as to why we dream, both psychological and physiological. Our subconscious is possibly attempting to work out emotional or intellectual difficulties, or dreams may just be the result of the random firing of neurons in the brain, meaning nothing at all. There is also the notion that dreams have a spiritual component and may be precognitive or possess other supernatural aspects that we have yet to comprehend in meaning or mechanics. At this point, having spent a great deal of time thinking about my own dream experiences, their potential sources and meanings, I have to add my own theory of “story telling”. As a writer, I can appreciate the philosophical, psychological, and physiological components of telling a story, either to one’s self, or writing a story for a greater audience. In my experience, dreaming is the process of telling myself a story. I must admit that there is a great deal I don’t understand, and I’m quite sure when you read the dreams I share in this journal, you too will be perplexed. Maybe together we can develop a greater understanding of the true depth of dreaming.

The study of dreams is known as Oneirology. While there are numerous theories as to why and how we dream, one thing is certain, sleep deprivation; thus dream deprivation, can be fatal. Therefore, it can be said with certainty that dreaming is essential to human existence. It is from this base idea that I believe we must build any theory of dreaming. As a writer, I like the idea that dreaming as storytelling is essential to human existence; our collective conscious telling the story of humanity, the history that binds us together and defines humanity itself. Then there is the matter of “lucid” dreaming. The experience in which the dreamer is aware that he/she is dreaming. And that awareness allows the dreamer to actually influence and control aspects of the dream. The scientific community owes the term "lucid dream" to Frederick Willens Van Eden, a Dutch psychiatrist and well-known author. Van Eden did serious research into lucid dreaming and used the term in a paper presented to the Society for Psychical Research in 1913, describing 352 dreams in which he knew he was dreaming.

I have been a lucid dreamer for longer than I can remember. I remember having lucid dreams as a child, and coming to the realization that not everyone experienced dreams in this way. I have helped several people learn how to lucid dream by simply wearing a ring, and thinking about that ring throughout the day with the idea that “I am awake”. By conditioning someone to associate the ring with wakefulness, when the person then does not see the ring in a dream, he/she realizes the simple idea “I am dreaming”. Usually it requires several attempts to make this realization and not immediately wake up at the idea. Once someone is able to maintain the lucid dream state, I find they either immediately fly or engage in some sort of sexual encounter. Seems logical to me.

In my experience, lucid dreaming does not equate to absolute control over the environment of events of the dream, rather, more an “influence” over the events, and more importantly, a more directed attention toward the events unfolding. I believe it is that attention that also contributes to one’s ability to remember a dream with such vivid clarity. This mirrors my experience as a writer. I know that often when I am writing, I feel more that I am following my character’s around, watching what they do, listening to what they say, and subtly nudging them in one direction or another as I see fit in the overall story I am trying to tell. It is an interesting thought exercise to imagine that human life is essential the story told by the collective consciousness of us all, just as the dreamer tells the story of the dream.

Okay, that’s enough of the old academic, philosophical search for answers, now it is time to face the naked truths that dreams may reveal. I realize that in sharing my dreams in this journal, that I am apt to inadvertently share more of myself with any attentive reader who may happen upon this folder, than I would normally share with those closest to me, or even admit to myself. I have decided to accept that as a necessity of truth. Only in truth, in honestly revealing my dreams can I hope to understand those dreams. There have been some scenarios, scenes, themes that have made me very uncomfortable. Wondering what could possibly have possessed me to think, dream, that?! But that is the point of this exercise isn’t it? To understand. To comprehend. To know myself. To know my story.

Not only am I often surprised by the content of my dreams, but I’ve had dreams that have actually shocked me that mind could create such strange and disturbing scenarios. However, it is some of the other strange aspects of dreaming that have really intrigued me. For instance, years ago I had a dream in which I was a mere speck of dust. I knew that I was so small and insignificant that no one or no thing would think twice about my presence. I drifted on the currents of the breezes through a lush forest. I was caught by a large breeze and road it up the face of a rock cliff. I was pulled into a crack, a crevasse that was much darker and cooler. I felt fuzzy. The air was moist and as it became narrower, I stuck to the moisture of the wall. I could feel it becoming part of me and me of it. Light filtered in through the opening of the crack and I could see a spider. It had numerous dark blue eyes and long, thin, black legs. It carried a bulging pale sack attached to its abdomen. The sack burst open and what seemed like thousands of tiny spiders emerged and immediately flowed out in all directions toward the light in the opening of the cave. I was awestruck. I felt as though I had been privy to something beautiful and miraculous. I watched as the mother slowly slumped against the moist wall and stopped moving. I awoke.

That was one of the most vivid and strange of the dreams I’ve had in which I was not myself, nor any other person but rather a thing. I had one brief dream in which I was a sound echoing through a canyon. I was the dying vibration of a bell that had rung. It was exhilarating and fulfilling. I was surprised by those sensations. I’m also fascinated by the dreams I’ve had in which I was not myself, but some other person entirely. How does the self create an entirely new image of itself? In most of these dreams I hold both the perception of watching the individual and being that person. That is another aspect of dreams I find incredible; the ability to hold multiple perceptions of an event. I recently had a dream in which I was a participant in an improvisation performance in which members of the group would run onto a stage, improvise a comedy bit and run off. I held the perceptions of the dreamer, an audience member, and a player on stage. I woke up laughing.

The more I explore my dreams, the more I discover some amazing and astonishing aspects that I cannot explain. I find that I can speak and understand French in my dreams, not in my waking state. I had one dream that will be included in this fold that actually began with French subtitles! That was the key that made me realize I was dreaming. It was at that moment that I could understand the speakers in the dream. Eventually, the French faded away and the characters began to speak in English. That dream which I call, The Corruption of the King, was very much like watching a movie, a historical drama, gradually getting closer to the action.

I find it truly perplexing when a character in my dream knows and says things that I don’t know. An extreme example of this can be found in the dream I call The Abused. That dream, while particularly disturbing, was an exercise in revelation. It was a series of events that slowly unfolding, leading me to a disturbing discovery of just what exactly was happening.

This folder is meant to be a Dream Journal in which I can recount, catch the specifics of a dream before it fades from my memory. I’m going to begin with several dreams that I can remember in great detail. I also intend to summarize each dream by pointing out the aspects that I cannot understand the mechanics at play to create such a story, and the aspects that I just find fascinating, like repetitive landscapes or places. Characters reflective of people I know, and especially those characters that hold no resemblance to anyone I know. So, I invite you all into the cavernous, strange, fascinating, perplexing, astounding world of my dreams, comment if you like, share your own experiences. I also invite you to keep a Dream Journal of your own so that we may find similarities in our experiences, possibly unravel some of the more astounding aspects of dreaming. That is my dream.