The Resignation of a Battered Soldier

You don't seem to stop and wonder if you're the only one hurting? You keep nagging and crying over someone who pillaged and burned the town that harbored your love. You allow his specter to hover above you; it sits like a mark of sadness on your heart. A mark that you revere with howls and screams, not allowing it to disappear.

You sob and grieve, aggravating the sea of anguish that rips at your soul. I try to quell that sea, little by little, but to no avail. It roars louder than a sonic blast from a meteor skipping over the Earth's atmosphere. An atmosphere that I cannot seem to reach.

It is no use. No level of consideration can break through that grip of his. It is just too strong. No degree of love can fill that canyon of yours. It is just too deep. But I continue to push, I continue to fill.

Why won't you let me hold you? Why do you find solace in misery? A misery that causes you to cling to a madness that I fear is becoming more and more accustomed to you. A madness that spreads over you, slowly burning your flesh from the inside out. A madness that bites me when I come too close.

It hurts you, but for some reason you won't let it go. It astounds me. I stand in front of you, befuddled. And yet you continue to smile and lie to me. You tell me you're a woman while you act like a child. Are you trying to push me away? Does it please you when the madness nips at me, when the sea attempts to consume me, when the screams continue to confuse me? I fear that I have uncovered something I should have not. My eyes are welling up. I can no longer be with you.

Now I understand. But I fear you, yet I also pity you. However, I'll take my leave and row to calmer seas and bluer skies. I will push no more, fill this canyon no more. I'll pick up my helmet and my musket, raise my head over the disappointment and grief, and march on.

Though these scars of mine hurt, I am a battered soldier resigning to a better tomorrow.