Solar.

Walking through the endless horizons of the past, I looked at the dying sun, that was fighting for it's life, yet dying slowly anyway, giving away the last pieces of it's fire to the surrounding atmosphere. As slow, heavy droplets they fell onto the rocks, disappearing in the darkness, reluctantly falling into the depths from which there is no return. Why was this struggle for the final moments of life taking place? They knew that they would die, knew they had no more then a few moments to live, yet were still clinging to the slightest bulge, as if seeing the hope of salvation in uneven surface of the rocks. Once they fluttered proudly in the sky, like stars, blended into one, becoming a fireball, which we called the "sun". For whom was it shining? Us? Itself? I think back then it had never thought of those things, it simply lived and was happy to be alive, enjoying the vastness of the sky, softness of the clouds. And now it is slowly dying before my eyes. Hear the final chords of the symphony, farewell to the world.
Lost deep in my thoughts, I saw my subconscious mind, pictures flashed before my eyes, the pictures that were always hidden before, even from myself. I felt uncomfortable, lonely, standing in the middle of dying glory, while digging in the darkest recesses of my soul. It almost felt as if i was standing over my own body that was strapped to a butcher's table, cutting it to pieces. Shaking off this feeling I looked at the last drops of the solar fire, and started walking to where i heard the call of the stars, the song of the sky, the velvet voice of the night.
Chill wind was throwing last year's dead leaves in my face, reaching under my clothes, like an eager lover. The road was empty, everything seemed to have died out, the only thing that broke the silence was the creak of branches, the rustle of leaves and howling wind in the ruins of the old dilapidated houses. Once upon a time people lived in them, there was light in the windows, doors slammed, voices, laughter, but now they have all gone away where there was still some warmth left, where it was still light. They abandoned their homes, which are now slowly dying without their owners.
From somewhere in the distance came the sound of thunder. Lightning flashed close to me, the first heavy drops fell lazily in the cold dust of the road. Suddenly with the rain a piece of sun fell right next to me on the road. It was still hot but cooling down rapidly, giving the last of it's heat to the rain, surface going murky, dark, as the eyes of a dying man. I took it in my hand, feeling the warmth spreading up my arm, all the way to my heart. As if i could see inside it i saw something within. Her face... Dark wavy hair framing the perfect oval of Her face, making Her pale skin look even paler. And Her eyes . They constantly changed color and felt as if they could gaze right down to my soul, and there was nothing i could hide from them. Then I realized - She calls me. The one I was looking for my whole life. Searched and could not find. I saw Her in my dreams.
Unexpectedly, this piece of heat began to change in my hands, gradually taking a shape of a heart. I didn't understand what was happening to me. As if obeying some instinct, I pressed a fiery heart to my chest to keep it from going cold. Thoughts crowded in my head, overlapping each other, not allowing me to concentrate. I didn't notice how i came to the place where i liked to hide from the world when i wanted to be alone with my thoughts, small clearing fenced off by a dense wall of trees. I sat down on a fallen tree, and looked into the fiery heart in my hands, hoping to see that vision once more, but saw nothing but changing colors, like a living rainbow, shifting, never still, going from white to red to purple.
My body no longer obeyed the reason, it was like watching myself from the side, hands were moving themselves, collecting bundles of energy around that fiery heart, gradually forming a vague silhouette. I did not notice the passage of time, did not see anything around, i was absorbed in the movements of my hands, which with almost possessed certainty shaped the image of the one whose face I saw. Completely surrendering to the power that controlled me, I decided to give the creature of magic and the sun part of myself, of my energy and part of the desires and hopes, of reason and faith, part of the soul.
And then the darkness enveloped me and I fainted.
I do not know how long i was asleep, when i finally woke up to a gentle touch on my face. When i gathered enough strength to open my eyes, my gaze shifted around until it stopped on someone standing next to me. Giving myself a few moments for the vision to clear up, i could not believe what i was looking at. It was Her, in flesh, the one who's face i saw in my dreams.
Suddenly words appeared in my head that someone said to me long ago - "Desire has the power to create". Slowly i began to realize what had happened. In my hour of loneliness, weakness, when i needed someone by my side the most She called out to me.
Have i created Her? No. Simply helped her to come into my world. Again a mass of thoughts swirled in my head.
"Who are you?" - I asked.
"You yourself created me. I'm your dream." - came the answer.
Her voice was musical, like a delicate ringing of crystal bells. So was she real then? Did i really create her, if she says so? More and more questions came after that. After all, She was just my imagination, a dream. Dream. The word was firmly lodged in my mind. But She's real, I feel Her, hear Her voice, She's right beside me!
All the doubts and thought were gone when She touched me again, swiping gently a strand of hair from my face, and when She leaned over to kiss me, everything else simply ceased to exist. It was the sweetest kiss, that seemed to slowly bring me back to life, like a breath of fresh air. My heart beat faster and stronger and i realized that it beat in unison with Hers.
You are my dream ... I remembered the words "We are responsible for those we tame." So what was there to say of those we create? I was responsible for my creation. But could i call Her that? Creature capable of thought and feeling of it's own, independent from me. She could never belong to me, even if I wanted Her to, no matter how much i wanted Her to. I have not thought of any of that when i was shaping Her, i simply let that unknown force take over me until She was complete. And now ... What now? Sudden fear swept over me - i had no power over what was happening, and if She decided to leave me there would be nothing i could do. As if reading my thoughts, She leaned toward me and whispered - "I'll never leave, always will be with you, you created me, gave me life, I'm part of you."
"Yes. But just as much you are a part of the sun, power, entity which even though no longer alive still does not obey anyone."
"But what of that? Did you not give me life ?"
"No. It hurts to say it, but I just gave you a body, not the heart. Not the soul. Moreover, if it were not for this piece of the sun beating in your chest now, I could not do anything. In it i saw you. I do not know what would have happened to it if I had not picked it up and taken it with me."
"I have called you. And you heard my cry." - She replied, looking me in the eye. So... She was not even my creation. She existed before me, I just helped her to come into this world. How could I call Her MY creation, when She existed before me, perhaps forever? And was She there just for me? What if She was the ideal of many, was everywhere at once, taking a shape of their dreams? How could I take Her for my own?
Minutes, the hours passed by, and with every moment my thoughts became more and more bitter. She did not belong to me, was not mine, it was simply impossible, as impossible to own sky, stars, moon. Yes, I was selfish, I wanted her to be only with me, but how could a Goddess belong to a mere mortal? Such a perfect being, which even, perhaps, is alien to the very concept of belonging. Oh, how could happiness so quickly turn into pain, giving way to a feeling which was much like a bitter disappointment? I finally came to realize that She was just a dream, not the embodiment, a mirror image of my happiness, a shadow of a sense of what is called love.
"Forgive me." - I whispered, holding Her close to me, - "Forgive me, if you can..."
Never before have I felt pain more intense as when i took a step back and plunged a knife into her chest, pulling out one piece of sun fire, which was Her heart. Burn marks covered my hands, but what was physical pain, compared to what I experienced when killing part of myself. Her eyes showed mute regret. Even when dying She was sorry for not being able to give me what i wanted, for not being able to make me happy, not being able to give me what my soul and my heart have sought for a long time and would probably never find.
I took Her heart to the very edge of the cliff, to the bottomless pit where thousands more pieces of the sun fell, thousands more hearts such as one i held in my blackened hands. Abyss from which there is no return. Abyss into which i took a step, and felt a rush of the wind in my face, sensation that only flying could give you. Even if the flight was the last.
Abyss from which i will never come back, where i shall lie forever, clutching Her dying heart in my hands.