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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. |
| I had my laparoscopy performed yesterday and a chest port put in for my chemo treatments. The surgeon did find a spot on my stomach but everything else looked good. He told me that he highly doubts the small spot he found is anything to be concerned about, but he did biopsy it just to be certain. So, what's next? If the surgeon is correct about the spot not being cancerous, I will start my chemo. I have no reason to doubt him, he specializes in esophageal cancer, which he informed me is on the rise; I'm the sixth to be diagnosed this week. He also explained why cancer started where it did. Acid reflux. I've suffered with this most of my life, and my esophagus is scarred and damaged as a result. Now I wait for the insurance to approve my treatment plan; they have approved all the tests within a few days, so I'm hoping I can start my chemo next week or the week after. I will do one treatment every two weeks with a total of eight sessions. I'll have surgery to remove the lower esophagus halfway through the treatments and then start the last half of my chemo as soon as I recover enough. Time-wise, I'll be doing chemo in June and July, have surgery in September, then resume chemo in November and December and should start the new year cancer-free. |
| It's getting down to the end of the line for tests, scopes, images, and testing. I met with the surgeon and the oncologist today to get a treatment plan started. Everything indicates we caught the cancer early, and it has not spread, but they still want to do a laparoscopy to double-check. So, tomorrow I go in and let them look things over on the inside, put the port in for the chemo sessions, and hopefully get confirmation that the cancer has not spread. Both doctors are very sure we caught this early and the treatment plan is to start chemo in a week or two, just waiting on the insurance to approve it. I'll do four treatments, then have a short respite from the chemo before having surgery. Once I've recovered from surgery, I'll have four more chemo treatments to ensure I'm cancer-free. Of course, this may change slightly depending on how well I respond to the chemo and what the scope reveals tomorrow. Besides the medical mumbo-jumbo, my wife and I enjoyed a relaxing holiday weekend. Living in a tourist area, we didn't go anywhere other than to the store on Saturday to pick up a few groceries. But we did enjoy some very nice weather. We also sat around the patio with a fire in the evenings. I hope everyone else also had a terrific weekend. |
| It was a nice day again, and I spent most of it outside basking in the sunshine. My wife had to work, but she's off for the weekend, so we will celebrate my birthday tomorrow. Even so, she made a nice lunch for us before she went to work. I did a little bit of yard work, mostly picking up sticks from the storm a few days behind us. I also set the fire ring back up (I'd put it in the lean-to before the rain), and burned all the branches I'd gathered. Being so nice out, I decided to throw some firewood in and cook my supper over an open fire. My wife just recently purchased a new fire ring because the bottom was rusting out of our old one. The new one is a bit bigger and has a removable cooking grate, but we have not used it yet. I looked through the freezer and found a package of sausages I made last fall; homemade sausages cooked over an open fire made for an awesome supper. It would have been nice if my wife was here to enjoy them with me, but maybe tomorrow evening we can enjoy the fire and cook over it again. I also spent a bit of time playing with Bellah and Max, and then just relaxed by the fire until it burned down. Once back inside, I fed the dogs, washed up my dishes, and now I'm here getting my blog posted. I'm not trying to keep up with my five right now, but I do want to keep my blog going. It's become a place to write about my battle with cancer, and log how each day is going. Yesterday I had a good day until supper. About halfway through, I found myself unable to get my food down. This happens once in a while, and I don't understand it; sometimes I can't even tell there's anything wrong, other times it's difficult and a bit uncomfortable to swallow, and then other times it's not even possible to swallow anything. Thankfully, most of the time it's good, and on Tuesday I'll have my esophagus stretched during my esophagoscopy, which will help a lot. Wednesday, I'll find out about my treatment plan, and on Thursday, I'll have an abdominal laparoscopy and a port put in. But for now, it's a three-day weekend, the weather is supposed to stay nice until Tuesday, and my wife is off. |
| Today is going a lot better than yesterday. One big improvement is no tests or needles today. Yesterday, I had a CT scan with some kind of dye administered through an IV. After they took the IV out, they sent me over to the lab to have a couple of vials of blood taken. I wish they had taken them while the IV was in, but somebody got their wires crossed. As a result, I had two sore arms and felt like crud from the dye they used. The gray dreary sky and steady rain did little to lift my spirits. But the weather has improved today; spring has returned. It's currently 69oF, 33 degrees warmer than yesterday. Some clouds are drifting lazily across the sky, but there's also lots of sunshine, something I haven't seen in a week. The rain finally ended yesterday evening, and according to the neighbor's rain gauge, we had a total of 5.5 inches in as many days. I sat out with the dogs for a bit this afternoon, then decided I should go around the yard and pick up branches that came down during the storm a few days ago. There were a lot of branches to pick up, but other people around us had trees snap off. Most of the neighbors were out and about today, cleaning up. The power company was also back repairing some of the damage to the power lines (most from trees falling on them). Now that I have this written, I think I'll go back out and enjoy some more sunshine and fresh air. |
| Ow man, that hurts! I had a CT scan done this morning that required some kind of dye injected through an IV. I had a similar PET scan on Monday with a radioactive injection through an IV, and then I had to go to the lab and have some blood taken. It would have been nice to have this all done with one IV instead of multiple needles, but no such luck. I do know that my arms are getting sore. But, I should be done with most of the testing until the twenty-seventh when I have another IV and a scope with an ultrasound put down my esophagus. That will be in Fargo, about seventy-five miles away, then the next day I meet with the medical team and discuss treatment plans. The day after that, I'll go back to Fargo to have an abdominal endoscopy, which means another IV, and then after they finish looking around, they're installing a port so I won't have to get poked with needles all the time. I may not be a doctor, but I think the port would have been better done immediately; my arms would have appreciated it. It's another cold and wet day. We are on day five or six of rainy, gloomy, and cold days. It's staying in the thirties day and night, and I think we are now up to three or four inches of rainfall. We have sandy soil, but it's saturated with standing water in the yard, ditches, and any low spots. But tomorrow is forecast to be sunny and in the sixties. A bit of sunshine will help lift my mood a lot and the dogs will be excited to be able to stay out longer (they don't like the rain). |
| Yes, four more days have passed. Also, more tests and scans, and still more tests and scans to go. People talk about alien abductions and being prodded, probed, and all that jargon. That ain't aliens, it's just the doctors. I have a CT scan tomorrow and hopefully can also get my lab work done, then I get a few days' respite before traveling to Fargo ND on the 27th, 28th, and then again on the 29th. The first trip will be for another endoscopy, but with ultrasound, the next day I'll meet with the doctor, surgeon, and the oncologist to discuss treatment, and then the third trip is to have a chest port installed and to have s laparoscopy. As of today, it sounds like after that, I'll have two surgeries done to remove the cancer, and then chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I'll find out for sure on the 29th. Other than medical meanderings, I've been taking it easy and trying to wrap my brain around all this. The weather isn't helping; in fact, it's actually been kind of depressing weather. We were enjoying lots of sunshine, temps in the 90s, and very low humidity; beautiful weather, with comfortably cool evenings and few bugs. But then people started complaining it was too dry and we needed rain. Their request was answered last Thursday and Friday; we received just over an inch of rain. Along with the rain, however, came high humidity and low temperatures; we have been down to freezing at night and barely into the forties during the day. Also, being so many were complaining about needing rain, we got drenched again yesterday with hurricane-force winds that resulted in flash flooding, downed trees, and power outages. The rain is still falling, and will until tomorrow afternoon. We have sandy soil that doesn't hold moisture well, but with all the rain we've gotten, there is standing water in the yard! Despite all the procedures, appointments, fasting, and crappy weather, I'm doing pretty well to keep my spirits up. I know I've got a long and rough road ahead, but I'm staying positive. |
| Tom Petty said it best in his song, The Waiting, it is the hardest part. I've mentioned I was having trouble swallowing food and went in to have it scoped. They found a tumor and did a biopsy, which indicated it's cancerous. I got that news four days ago and have been trying to process everything as well as making appointments for more scans, tests, and treatment options. On Monday, I have a PET scan that will show whether the cancer is just in the esophagus or has spread. A week late,r I have another endoscopy with ultrasound to determine how thick the tumor is and what type of surgery will be performed. I also have to do a slew of blood tests and lab work, but have not received the dates for that yet. Once the tests, scope, and labs are done, I'll meet with a radiologist, a surgeon, and a medical doctor to discuss what needs to be done for treatment. I know it's going to be rough, but the most difficult part is right now, knowing there's cancer, but not knowing how advanced or what's all affected. As a result of not knowing, it's been difficult to get motivated to do much of anything. My anxieties are high, so I've been trying to keep busy, but not knowing how long I'll be in treatment or how it will impact my ability to do things, I find I don't want to start any projects. I'm sharing this so everyone will know why I'm not very active right now, and likely will be inactive for an unknown time. I will log in and post updates. This will keep all of you informed, and I'm hoping by writing about this, I will be able to come to terms with it myself. |
| Well, I thought it had been a few days, but I see it's been a week since I've written here. This time of year is busy, so it's to be expected to miss a bit here and there, but I seriously didn't think a week had passed. This week is looking to be just as busy. I will find out on Wednesday what's going on in my esophagus and hope it's not anything serious. It's difficult to make plans for anything without knowing what's wrong and what it takes to correct it. For now it's getting things ready for summer, working in the yard, and planning a couple of camping trips with friends and family. Something interesting is the bird house critter we found. We unhooked the top to clean it out for the year and found a furry critter living inside. It's built a nest of grass and fur inside and has a few babies, but it pushed back inside and curled around the babies, so I can't tell for sure what it is. My best guess is a black squirrel. We replaced the top and tried not to disturb it. Hopefully, when the babies get bigger, we will be able to find out what took up residence. |
| It's time to get my five done for the day, then I'm off to take a hot shower and relax after another busy day outside. We seemed to have skipped spring this year, except for a few days here and there. Instead, we are seeing temperatures in the mid-eighties already; it's six-thirty in the evening and still holding at 85OF. Yesterday I worked outside in a tank top and noticed this morning my shoulders were a little pink. It's not painful and should be tan in a day or two, but to prevent a deeper burn, I wore a sleeveless shirt. Now, my arms have a slight pink to them and match my shoulders. I also wore shorts today and think my legs may have gotten a slight pinkness to them as well. But we have our garden set up and planted. My wife wanted to grow a few things, but we didn't want to till up part of the yard, and we have a problem with rabbits eating almost anything we plant. Her idea was to use planters set on a table to keep them up from the rabbits. But, we also have deer that come into the yard and eat, so I thought we could put our dog kennel in a sunny location and then put the planters inside. It's a portable kennel, six feet by eight feet, and seven feet high. I also installed the AC unit in the bedroom and filled in a few more holes in the yard (we have a few gophers that the dogs chase and try to dig out). After, I worked outside on a piece of countertop (a cutout from the sink) that I wanted to seal and put on a small spindle for a table to use when we sit around the fire. It's been a productive day, now it's time for dinner. I'll have to log back in later and get a review written so I can see today's animation. |
| Yes, I was late logging in again today. Being another beautiful day, I spent most of it outside working around the yard. I also started cleaning the garage and made a pretty good dent in the project. I knew once the weather turned nice, I would be challenged to keep up with my daily five, and by looking at the forecast, it's going to stay nice. In fact, we may soon see temperatures in the eighties. I want to start working on the HiLo again and I also want to get the mobile-tent set up and ready for camping. |
| I'm finally feeling better today, over the groggy, drugged feeling from the anesthesia, and I bypassed the pain medication, which also messes with my head. It was a beautiful spring day, so I spent most of it outside. I mowed the backyard mostly to mulch last fall's leaves, although in some areas the grass was tall enough to cut. I used the push mower since it mulches better, and walked over two miles around the yard. I like to mow early and get the yard cleaned up before the dandelions bloom. I don't mow them down, but leave them for the bees to feed on. I also enjoy the bright yellow flowers contrasted with the dark green of the new grass. I also moved the utility trailer out from its winter parking spot and have things ready to move the mobile tent (pop-up camper) out. But that will have to wait a bit longer because I have to move the HiLo camper someplace else. Currently, the HiLo is on the leveled pad for the mobile tent, but I want to move it alongside the garage so it will be handier to work on it. Also, with the mobile tent back in its proper parking spot, I can open and close it easily for this season's camping adventures. I'll confer with the surgeon on the fourteenth to find out the lab results of the biopsies and what needs to be done next. I kind of wish he could have done everything while I was in, but he informed me that I would have to go to Fargo for any in-depth surgery. Oh, and he also told me I can't take Max, my Husky. He's been a great help the last few days. Well, he thinks he's helping. |
| I did my daily five today and discovered that I had not done a review yesterday; I just spaced it out. Yesterday, being under the influence of the anesthesia, it's probably a good thing I didn't do one. Today is better, but much of yesterday is just a blur. It makes me think of the song by ZZ Top, "My Head's In Mississippi". |
| I had the esophagoscopy performed this morning, so it was a rough start to the day. Everything went fine, but I wasn't able to have my first cup of coffee until almost noon. Nothing to eat, drink, or smoke (cigarettes; I know what you were thinking) since midnight yesterday, and I don't even begin to function until after at least one cup of coffee. After they woke me up, I was able to get a half-assed decent cup of coffee and a piece of toast with jelly. They both went down without problems, and I asked for a second cup, knowing the headache I had was as much from no caffeine as well as from the anesthesia. Also, I couldn't check out until after I was able to eat, drink, and pass some liquid; to do that, I had to have some liquid to pass. Once home, I enjoyed a cup of our coffee, had another piece of toast, and then went back to bed. I was hoping when I woke up, I'd feel better, but no such luck. It usually takes me at least twelve hours to recover from the anesthesia, and this time seems no different. The surgeon did stretch my lower esophagus a bit, so it's easier to swallow, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I could have waited, but he was doing another procedure and I just wanted to get home. He did take a couple of biopsies from my lower esophagus. I will meet with him on the fourteenth to go over everything. |
| Tomorrow seems to be the day. I am going in for an EGD procedure (upper endoscopy), and if possible, I will also have the problem corrected. If not possible at this time, at least I'll know what's wrong and what needs to be done to fix it. I also found out from my landlord, who also works for the local internet company, that our internet problems should be fixed by tomorrow. He stopped by during his lunch break to look at a leaking faucet and said that the new building is up and the new equipment is being installed. I'm not sure how I'll be feeling tomorrow after I get done with the procedure, but I should be home by noon. Hopefully, I'll be feeling up to spending some time in here. |
| After two weeks of waiting to talk to the surgeon about my hiatal hernia or whatever the problem is, I finally got to see him yesterday. Everything went fine until he asked if I had been able to eat or not. I explained that on the 12th I had become unable to swallow anything solid. I explained that I had subsisted on thin liquids for four days, but then was again able to eat. He asked about any difficulties currently, and I was honest and explained that sometimes food went down with slight discomfort, but other times I could barely get food to pass at all. He told me there is a risk if food stops before entering the stomach, and that I was lucky to have been able to get my esophagus cleared. Typically, he explained, it takes a trip to the emergency room to have the food pumped out. There is also the risk of the food being pulled into the lungs. Because it's possible I could lose the ability to swallow food again, he set me up to have an esophagoscopy on Thursday to determine the cause. If possible, he will also correct the problem at the same time. We talked about what's likely the problem, but also some of the other things that could be discovered on Thursday. I should be home by noon if everything goes well, but I'm sure I'm not going to be feeling too chipper. What's the worst part? Nothing to eat after midnight on Wednesday won't be a problem. No alcohol for twenty-four hours prior won't be a problem, and I can have sips of water until seven I the morning before the procedure; no problems. However, I cannot have any coffee until after the procedure. Also, I cannot smoke from nine Wednesday night until after I get out of the hospital around noon on Thursday. One may think the cigarettes would be the most difficult part, but I don't think it will be much more than an irritant. But no coffee! That's cruel and inhumane punishment; we need to get medical tricorders and non-invasive medical technology. |
| I wasn't able to log in all weekend because our internet was down. So today's return to the internet is a fresh start. But, since the connection is spotty due to storms moving through, I want to get my daily five done before the internet goes down again. I did get a call from our internet provider this morning, explaining that our high-speed internet is down for a while, but the company is doing everything they can to keep us connected until repairs are made. They also informed me that because of the interruptions in service, we will be credited for the time it takes to restore service to normal. Now, I have to get ready to go consult with a doctor about my hiatal hernia, or at least that's what they think it is. Hopefully, and internet willing I'll be back later. |
| It's late getting into the site tonight; another busy day. It was nice out with lots of sunshine, so another day working around the yard and playing with the dogs. With the internet running so slow, I'm losing some motivation to log in, but it sounds like it should be faster soon. With the difference in site time and my time, I'm quickly running out of time to make my five for the day, but I should be able to do it. With the internet running slow, you would think I'd get things done in here first and then tackle the rest. Fine time to think of that now. |
| I had to run to the post office to track a package, so I took the dogs along for the ride. After I drove over to the site of the accident that took out our internet. It was a block building about ten feet square, but only one wall is still standing, and everything inside is destroyed. It also looks like it burned. The Postmaster said that the accident was on the radio this morning, a drunk driver lost control and took out a distribution center for the local internet. The company has re-routed service and has restored most of the area, but it's slow, almost like being back on dial-up. The driver was taken by Life-Flight (helicopter) to Minneapolis and is listed in critical condition. My neighbor knows the guy who was driving. He was just recently released from serving time for hitting and killing a pedestrian while driving drunk. I guess some people just never learn. Our internet provider states that we will have high-speed internet back within a few days, but it will take a month or more to repair the damage and restore the system to full capacity. |
| A short entry tonight, our internet is out. Luckily, I can tether to my phone, but unfortunately, I'm not getting a very good signal tonight and it's slower than a sloth. I'm not sure how long the internet will be down. One of my neighbors informed me that a car ran into the distribution building about a mile down the road. He was returning from shopping when he saw the accident. A car lost control, skidded across the road into the building, traveling at highway speed. He said the building is about leveled with the car still in it. |
| It was another beautiful day, but a bit windy. My wife had the day off, so we spent some time joyriding around a couple of nearby lakes, took the dogs out to an open grassy area to run and frolic, and then did a little shopping. After we enjoyed a wonderful dinner, our Easter dinner since my wife worked Easter. After dinner, we sat out on the patio for a while; it's the best time of year for sitting out, it's warm, but not too hot, the air is fresh and clean, and there are no insects to annoy. Last night, we had our first thunderstorm of the season move through. We were forecast to get a little rain, but there was nothing about storms. I woke up about halfway through the night to use the bathroom, and in my half-asleep state, I thought the light was flickering until I heard the thunder roll. I returned to bed and let the rolling thunder and lightning flashes serenade me back to sleep. |
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I've heard that about acid reflux. Wishing you the best, TJ. 
Please continue to keep us updated..
