You're all I Hope To Find

My past is a very confusing place. People tell me to leave the past in the past, but my past is so confusing, so dark, I have a need to talk about it. I am almost obsessed with it. I need to talk about it, to write about it, or do anything and everything to keep my past alive. It's kind of strange how bad I have this need to bring it up. For some reason the more I talk about it the more I feel ok with it, it's just so bad, so dark, I don't understand how people can be so mean, so hurtful. For the longest time all I wanted to do is end this life, but now it's the opposite, I want to live. Dying would be the worst ever. I want to live for my past. I live to understand it. It's in my dreams, To tell as many people as possible it's weird to live for your past and not the future, but it's what I want and need to do in order to make my future bright and colorful, not sad and dark, like my childhood. These last two years have been the best year of my life, and I think it's because I know I am just starting to understand my past and knowing life can be better.