I'm Sorry

You raised me well mum,
It was not your fault.
teenage years are a time of change,
you told me that remember?
Well I changed.

What if I had never have met her,
maybe then I could have been normal
but the short time we stole together I would never change.
Don’t blame her mum, she did nothing wrong,
please remember, I love her.

We where discrete, I thought we had everyone fooled,
but word got out , well it was only a matter of time.
Before I knew it the kids in school found out,
the words they would say, the things they would do,
just the thought of it brings me to tears.

You always told me that if I was getting bullied to go to an adult, it didn't help.
I was told that I was an abomination, an offence to god,
that I would face eternal damnation.
I was told that children could be mean,
I didn't realise adults could be mean too.

I wanted to tell you, the conversation planned in my head,
I hoped you could take the pain away like you always had before
but while watching a TV show where two men kiss
I over heard you saying that's not normal
and I knew I could not talk to you.

I'm sorry mum, I prayed and prayed, asking god to take my sin away,
but it never happened.
Maybe I didn't pray hard enough, maybe god hates me,
maybe there is no god, no heaven, no hell, nothing.
I just cant take it any more, what ever I face after death cant be worse than this.

I'm sorry for disappointing you.
I'm sorry for humiliating you.
I'm sorry for the pain you feel.
I’m sorry that the note I left had only two words,
I’m sorry.