Chapter one of a book i'm writing.

Snow cold flaked downwards
Towards my bare feet
They happily rest there
Only for a second
Then say goodbye
And vanish. Dead? Alive?
Who knows their lives?
But themselves.

As they
Dance. Ready once again
For the ice on my breath.

“Finally” I sighed, I tilted my sore neck up to the clock, “4:30 am, such a strange time” I thought to myself. Too late to go to sleep now, “(sigh) what to do now” I said to… no one “Still talking to myself I see Luna? Damn. Still, only person I can get a decent conversation out of”. I laughed to myself at that. No wonder I can’t get to sleep. My brain was working over time, just like every other night. Writing, writing, writing. I’m still dressed for God’s sake.
“It can’t be good for me, up till sodding Saturday morning writing my ‘feelings’”. Just then my cat looked up at me, those golden eyes piercing mine, “What? Go back to sleep” I said to that face that could be mistaken for it’s arse. It kept staring at me. “(Sigh) come here it.” Yeah, it’s called “it” My stepfather thought it to be funny. Sadly it stuck. It’s all it comes to now… I picked him up, cuddled and cradling him “Who loves you? Me” I can’t believe I still get so gooey over cats. All they do is sleep. Kill a bird… Then eat it. I put it down again, and he went and sat back at the foot of my too large bed, curled up, and went to sleep.

I walked out into the hallway, six doors, and three on each side. And a large set of double oak doors at the end of the corridor. I walked past each door. We were an odd family, my mother remarried five years ago to some rich guy, he’s ok, and he has a massive house on top of a large hill-overlooking town. But… Well, I don’t know, there is just… Something… He’s very jealous of me. He hates it when I say goodnight to my brother or any of ‘his kids’.

Yes, I’m not an only child. I’m the oldest of two/ six brothers and sisters (I’ll explain that in a minute). I’m the oldest; at the age of Eighteen years, Five months and sixty-six days “ but who’s counting” I say to myself, the next-door down is my younger brother, Nick who’s… fourteen I think… Then there are the others.
I shouldn’t call them the others, it’s just weird having four extra brothers and sisters, and only two are somewhat related… you see, my stepfather already had two kids, there is Juliet who is thirteen, and across the way is Max who is nine. (Both from different mothers. Oh goody)
Then in the next room are my twin half Brother and Sister that my mother and stepfather had, aged four called Paul and Riversong (River for short). They are inseparable, and I remember the cries on the first night being put in separate rooms for the first time, so it was just easier to give them one bed and room. I hope to God that they grow out of it…
So for now the last room is a spare room, usually used for sleepovers, “not for me” I whisper, not wanting to wake anyone. I walk alone. Nick usually uses it the most, when his few friends are around. But so do Paul and Riversong for Dens and Cubbyholes. After getting a glass of diet coke, I went back to my room. Ready to battle the night with tired punched into my eyes. As I lay on my bed, It beside me, I began to think of the subject that keeps me awake at night. “What’s after, well this” I said to… God I suppose, I often talk to God. I mean, we head to church sometimes; it’s always a hassle to get everyone ready in time, then get the minibus of a car in time for the service. I prefer to walk down with nick. He loves it. He goes to their youth group, and it’s a place where he feels accepted, my dad must have given us the awkward gene. Thanks dad.
I think it’s all right, I like the idea of God, and yes I agree that the world had to have been designed by someone, but God has strange timings… he didn’t stop my dad from dying… But that was a long time ago now. “ God? What happens after death? Do people just die? Do people go to Heaven? Or Hell? Where’s my dad God? Is he with you?” Tears started to form in my eyes “What will happen to me? Where will I go, Heaven, Hell… Nowhere?” I couldn’t continue after that… All I did until morning was cry… Why? I don’t know. Too late now… I somehow managed to get to sleep that night. Only for a couple of hours though, luckily it was Saturday… I had so many plans for that day, go out to the top of a nearby hill and draw. Get a small lunch, get some filming done for… fun I suppose, and get a little coursework done. Listen to some radio. Perfect day… I woke up dead that morning.