Sands

It was a shore that was all too familiar. I had seen it when it was warm, as well when it was frozen. I had seen it when it was bombarded by winds and rain, and when it was still and calm, like tonight. No matter the seasons or conditions, I walked along it. Why I always did walk itI could never truly explain. I typically stepped along the shore during the evening, when the day was most quiet.

With my music adding a soundtrack to the moment, I would usually just wander and let my mind go where it wished. Many times here I would get ideas and inspirations for stories. Other moments I would sing along to whatever song would be playing, as my solitude eliminated any fear of embarrassment. Sometimes, I could even remember dreams that had been forgotten hours ago.

Though, tonight I had no piece of mind. I walked onto the beach with an different feeling, not one that was relaxed and free. The night was beautiful, with a clear, sky of stars above. As my feet slid and stumbled on the shifting sands, my mind turned to many matters of life. I thought of myself, my ideals, goals, future, past, everything. I looked at them not in a positive way, but as if they were.....hazy. Was something wrong? Had I made mistakes? Was I facing questions that I didn’t have the answer to?

My pacing on the beach turned into repeated march of stumbles and stomps. I was frustrated, saddened, and paranoid. I didn’t know what to think of any subject that came into my mind. I tried to voice along to my music, but it was only interrupted by another doubt. Eventually, the questions weren’t just limited to thought. I began to speak out loud, despite knowing that nobody else was there to respond. The beach was the unstable stage, the waters were the invisible audience, and I was the protagonist of my life’s play, citing a soliloquy of my own ordeals.

I thought about collapsing into the sands beneath my feet. Everything seemed to be collapsing. I thought I was seeing faces in the lines of trees, but they dissipated like the illusion they were. I couldn’t tell if I was about to cry or go into a full rage. Am I afraid? Am I crazy? Am I just walking toward loss? Is this going to end?!

“Stop”, I whispered to myself.

With that single word, my act on the stage had ended. Reality made it’s return as I gazed once again into the star-lined sky. Planes cruised in opposite directions like boats in an ocean. My music had still been playing all this time, but I couldn’t notice it through the assailment of thoughts. I spent the remainder of my walk pacing in on the shore, just as I did when I began. I didn’t know if the same events would take place in the next minutes, though I didn’t let it bother me. I should know this anyway.

For just like the sands beneath my feet, my thoughts will always shift as long as I tread them.