Animal Tails

Animals have butts
This we do know
Some have fast butts
Some have butts that are slow

One day there was a contest
To see who had the best butt
The contest makers were desperate
They were really stuck in a rutt

So the Animals came
From all parts of the Earth
They were quite happy
Their hearts filled with mirth

Three animals were judges
Thus they could not compete
One was a canary
Who spoke with a tweet

The other was Basset Hound
With a waggaly tail
Because he drooled a lot
He had a catch pail

The third Animal judge
Was a dog faced Baboon
His butt was bright red
And round as the moon

The Baboon judge
Was prideful and vain
He refrained from competing
Because to him it seemed plain

That if he competed
It would be no contest
Because as far as he was concerned
His butt was the absolute best!

And so on with the contest
Let's get things started
But all of a sudden
Somebody farted

Everyone one looked around
To see who was the cause
It was Prancer the Reindeer
Taking a break from Santa Claus

Prancer turned bright red
He said "I'll be on my way."
But the Basset Hound stopped him
And said "It's OK."

"We're all dirty animals
Who smell really bad
So don't be embarrassed
Take heart and be glad!"

Prancer felt better
He said "What the hay?"
Canary said "That's more like it!"
"Let's go out and play!"

The Animals strutted
Their stuff and their best
Each wanted to win
This rear end contest

First up was the Elephant
With the biggest of butts
He held up his trunk
And said "I'm the best of you mutts!"

The Judges were impressed
They gave the Elephant a ten
And then came Biddy
The Old Mother Hen

Biddy said "Look!"
"I can produce eggs out my butt"
But much to her surprise
She passed out a walnut

The Judges were not sure
What to make of this event
Biddy was embarrassed
And went back to her tent

Next Came Prancer
The Magic Reindeer
He said "My butt..."
"...Can spread Holiday cheer!"

"It's magical flatulence
That makes reindeer fly
When we eat magical beans
Baked in a pie!"

It ate some magic beans
And then flew all around
He then landed gracefully
On the soft ground

The Judges were astounded
They gave three thumbs up
The Basset said "I haven't been happy..."
"...Since I was a young Pup!"

Prancer bowed his head
And walked offstage
But the big old Rhinoceros
Was boiling with rage

The Rhino he charged
Showing off his rear end
He said "My posterior..."
"Can make the world bend!"

To prove his point
He sat on a table
It shattered the pieces
And became most unstable

Canary said "Yes."
"Your butt has destructive power.
Why don't you cool off
It's now the lunch hour."

So the Animals had lunch
They ate vegetable stew
They were hotly debating
Who had the best butt in the zoo

When the hour came
To go back to the contest
To resume testing
To see who was the best

Canary said "We have a new challenger!"
"Someone we never heard of before
A homo sapian sapian!"
Then the Challenger walked in the door

He was a Man
18 years of age
Around his middle
He wore a Kilt made of sage

Prancer thought "Wait a minute."
"He's the same species as my boss
He just has red hair
And a Kilt made of moss."

But the other animals were unaware
Of the Human Creature.
Baboon said "Go ahead."
"Show us your prominent feature."

The Man turned around
And uplifted his kilt
The Baboon was startled
His milk glass was split!

Canary said "This contest is over!"
"Give that human the prize!"
The Animals were startled
They couldn't believe their eyes

And what was the prize?
Well the joke was on Man
He got a spanking
With a large frying pan

He was laid on the knee
Of Mrs. King Kong
And you could hear whacking
And screaming all day long