"I hate you"

You’ll still be there, I’ll still be here, and you still won’t love me.
Fixing it won’t change things because it will never go back to the way it used to be.
I want to say I’m sorry.
But what if you won’t forgive me?

You were never around but I still loved you.
I’m sitting here in so much pain and that’s how I know my love was true.
You broke my heart and gave up me when I was willing to work things through.
So why is it that I still cry over you?

I hate myself for what I said.
I feel so numb and my insides are dead.
Every emotion known to man is clouding my head.
I’ll always, always regret what I said.

An apology will never be enough.
I never meant it, it was just a bluff.
I was going through things, times were tough.
But none of my excuses will ever be enough.

I can try to fix it but nothing will change.
Everything will stay just the same.
But everything is ruined and I am to blame,
Battling with so many emotions, mostly shame.