You Really Don't Know do You?

         I'm so confused. I've always been confused. I know breaking up with him was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, but if I wouldn't have done that, I wouldn't have experience other types of people. Like my current boyfriend for instance. He cares about me, (or at least that's what he says) and he is loving. He's everything and more, what else could I ask for? Well, if he was everything that I've ever wanted, then I wouldn't be confused. People tell me that my current boyfriend isn't right for me, and sometimes I actually believe them.Even though I am thinking the same thing, I couldn't admit it to myself. I've tried, but it never works. Even my family tells me how much they liked the other one. My mother doesn't like my boyfriend because he hurt me. I know he's hurt me, and I'm sure I've hurt him, but there's something that keeps me locked to him. I mean sure he's got his "habits" that I don't agree with, but I'm still with him aren't I?
         My ex-boyfriend that everyone loves (well, in my family...) never wanted me to change for him. Anything that I've ever done, he always gave his opinion, but he never forced me to do anything, or begged me to death until I gave in. He would give his opinion, and if I didn't agree then i didn't agree. Case closed. Done. With my current boyfriend, we have our disagreements, but when it comes to giving opinions, he always has to win the battles. That's one of those "habits" that drive me crazy. When he wants me to do something or even say something, he will try to be as annoying as possible until I say yes. I absolutely hate to "bash" him like that, but it's the truth. i don't care if he tries to deny it, it is what it is.
         Not to say that my ex was entirely better than my current boyfriend. My ex had his strong points, and his weak points, just like my boyfriend. I mean he is the EX isn't he? So obviously there was a reason we aren't together anymore.... let me share with you our story....
         It was first grade, and the first grade heartthrob was Matthew. Every girl thought he was sooooo cute! Who would have guessed that in second grade, he would choose me out of everyone else. So we began a "relationship" that grew and grew over the years. Then as fourth grade came around, I moved away, and the only time we talked was on the weekends, for a couple hours. Then after a year, I moved back. I came to find out that he was cheating on me with two girls at the same time. When I didn't break up with him right away, everyone was practically breathing down my neck until I snapped and broke it off. I began to explore the single life and right away knew it was a mistake. There was many times where I would ask him to be mine again, and he would just let me down. Just like I had let him down after 5 years together. I was, and am still ashamed of everything. But by ending it between Matthew and i gave me Dorian, and gave him Mary.
         Secretly I sometimes wish that Matthew and Mary would break up, so that he would be free again. I could break up with Dorian and be with him again. Dorian already has someone that would go out with him in a heartbeat. If you've read any of my other stories, then you'd understand. If not, the read Our Relationship.
         I love Dorian, honestly, but I still love Matthew. This is where I'm so very confused. HELP!!!!!!