Moving On

I have had enough
What can I do?

You may wonder what is this all about! You may not care.
If you don't care, I mostly agree with you too

It is just that, I am not alone. I have family. I don't want to hurt them.
I have seen what can happen to a family if someone decides to end it all.

But I wish I could go, I wish I could say no more!
But I can't do that....that door is unfortunately closed

I need help!
What are my problems?

Well, depression is one, but there is no medication.
I have tried that anyway, it does not do anything.

I have tried counselling, but I can't get into that flow.
I have tried talking to people, my problems are ignored

What does work? What will help me to go on

I have memory problems
I have concentration problems

Been told I have responsibility problems
All I have are problems

I have no confidence, no feeling anymore
I don't know what to do, no ideas come forth

What is it like to have depression?

It is difficult to explain what it is like to people who do not understand this?
I am always down, sad, lifeless, underground

Sometimes, I am not myself....I feel that I am inside me deep inside
but it is someone else who is in charge, that is when I am at my most scary

I can black out...forget everything that happened
I don't try to...it just happens

It can happen when I get emotional
quite often with depression

Especially when someone starts a fight with me
and admitted today that he was looking for an argument

People don't understand that I fight everyday
Hanging on until I find a way

I hide my true feelings
Deep down, nobody really knows who or what I am

Not even the closet people to me
and that includes you

So what do I do
Nothing there is I can do

I will just keep on trying...
until I can do

Although I am tired of that as well
I have had just about enough of that as well

I told someone once, I would like to write
But that is something I tell myself I can't do

I don't have the confidence
to even speak to you

So, here I try to begin to write
Will it help, I don't know

I did not mean to write this this way
It just came out of me... how I don't know

No revisions, no checks,
no proofreading, it is all just new

But now I am beginning to write, to see what I can do
I want to understand myself... for that, I need you