Top of the Food Chain

Top of the Food Chain

Ferocious, fanged beasts rule the wilderness. Ghastly, misshapen monsters dwell within the ocean depths. Majestic, noble hunters scour the skies. Despite their obvious advantages, for the last 400,000 years it's somehow occurred that we, humans, have risen to and maintained our position on the top of the food chain. With our glaring flaws when compared to nature's finest, how could this have come to pass? The answer lies within our incredible ingenuity, the one quality guaranteeing us the ability to overcome any adversity. How, then, could this very same ingenuity, once the key to our ascension, now threaten to topple us from our lofty perch at the top? With the dawn of the Iphone, It's never been simpler: There's an app for that.
With the onset of the recent economic crisis, it's no wonder we'd seek new and clever ways to maximize benefits while minimizing costs. With the Iphone's "CompareMe" application, or "app", you can instantly compare a 14 oz. carton of juice for $3.24 and a 12 oz. carton for $2.95 to see which yields the bigger bang for your buck. Or you could dust the cobwebs off the three pound meatloaf that passes for a brain in our intelligence starved modern society and actually engage in some critical thinking: 14 oz. of juice at $3.24 is equivalent to 23 cents per oz., while 12 oz. at $2.95 will set you back 24 cents per oz. The likely result of this exercise in nuclear physics would be that saving two cents on the two oz. difference of juice volume in this ad's example couldn't cover the cost of printing one letter of that very same ad. In fact, if you'll indulge your problem solving deprived brain and let it roam for a moment, you might figure out that the "CompareMe" app price of $1.99 might not be worth paying when a lifelong haze of stupidity is all you'll gain by using it as a crutch for grade school level problem solving. In contemplating how we've managed to survive the millennia, create civilizations, and even establish commerce without the marvelous "CompareMe" app, I struggle even to organize my thoughts and ideas on the subject. I'm in luck. There's also an app for that.
Every entrepreneur can see that these trying financial times aren't cause for surrender, but rather an opportunity to strike. Starting one's own small business in this perilous marketplace isn't without it's fair share of pitfalls, but with ambition, drive, and a clear vision of the desired result, the rewards can far outweigh the risks. Then again, who needs any of that when you can always refer to "SimpleMind Xpress", the app that allows your Iphone to be your brainstorming partner? "SimpleMind Xpress" promises it's an "Intuitive, mind-snapping application that helps you visually express and organize your thoughts and ideas". Indeed, leave it to the iphone to jump start your small business and you can simply sit back and wait to collect on the dividends. No assembly required. How is it your small business hasn't gotten off the ground, then, despite your iphone's most concerted effort? Not to worry, there's an app for that.
After all the "effort" you and your iphone have put into starting a small business, it'd be a shame to quit before you've had a chance to turn your "mind-snapping" thoughts and ideas into action. Who would've guessed that your iphone would come to your aid once again? With the "Nomina" app, your iphone can help you pick a business name, find available web domains, and even run trademark searches right from your phone. With this latest app, you won't even have to leave the house to become a small business owner with trademarked products and your very own web domain, drinking the two extra ounces of juice you saved. You know you've gotten a sweet deal for a grand total cost of $16 for 3 apps. "CompareMe" told you so.
Why, then, are we still exactly where we started before the manic app-a-thon? Several shortcuts and conveniences later, we're still perilously close to becoming victims of the very same ingenuity that secured us our place at the top of the food chain. It seems in our desire to conquer the rigors of everyday life with yet another convenience, we've instead managed to allow ourselves to be ensnared by our helpless reliance on that very same convenience. We've forgotten the most important application: The application of human effort to all human endeavors. No longer are our tools luxuries we afford ourselves. They've become parasitic extensions of ourselves, threatening to take with them our very lifeblood, should we ever dare to sever our symbiotic relationship. It's a fine mess we've gotten ourselves into. If we don't figure a way out of it quickly, we're doomed to be the source of our own undoing. I wonder if there's an app for that?