Absolution

My life was void. I could feel a monster snarling in the pit of my stomach as I looked down at the crags below. The spikes were tiny above the clinging mist, but I knew otherwise. It was a long way down. Jump into the abyss and end it. Jump, keep the one you love safe from yourself. Save the others from suffering.

Over and over, I saw ways out, ways to cleanse this stain from my life. Maybe I could erase this from those I had hurt. What I had done was unforgivable. If I had left well enough alone...
My thoughts deserted me. I was too stained, for even my mind.

I deserved nothing more than to fall to my death from this cliff. My body deserved to break against the rocky crags. I deserved everything that awaited below the mist.
No, I thought, that was too good for me, I deserved eternal damnation. I deserved hell.
Do it now, the rocks hissed.

I looked over my shoulder one last time. I half expected to see her running through the forest trying to stop me, screaming my name over and over. Who was I kidding. After what happened, I expected her to loathe me entirely. I closed my eyes to see her angelic face one last time and I heard her voice calling to me from the darkness.

I tried to think of a time before this. Before this stain had covered me. Before I had ruined so many lives and hurt so many. I inhaled, imagining the way she smelled of summer and sweet. I imagined her smiling at me, calling my name, her fingers brushing my face. I fell, smiling.