What Do Words Mean Exactly?

Words have meaning. We all understand that concept. And it is important for there to be a general agreement and understanding of what words mean or there would be no point in using them. It is rather like a social contract. "I will agree that when I use the word 'sky' I am intending to refer to the ethereal space that exists above all of our heads and is generally accepted to appear blue during daylight hours if there are no meteorological events occurring, if you will agree that when you hear me use 'sky' you will interpret it in generally the same way."

Next comes the complications that occur when context is required for there to be any hope of understanding the intent of the user of the word. The use of the word "love" takes on far different meanings when I say "I love you," to my daughter than when I say those words to my lover. I submit the use of and understanding of words is pivotal to developing and maintaining any kind of a relationship with those around us.

My guy and I live together. Because life is what it is, his grown son lives with us also. This arrangement has worked well in spite of Son not having access to his own set of wheels. There have been no disputes or disagreements to speak of and therefore no strife. Until last night. Last night Son elected to stay home to hand out trick-or-treat candy while his father and I went to a costume party a few miles away. Son had many opportunities to decide to go to the party, but he kept insisting he wanted candy duty. After about an hour, Son began texting that things were slow on the trick-or-treat front and wanted his dad to come get him and bring him to the party. This was an issue from so many directions. My guy and I have not put each other on our auto insurance so neither one of us is legal to drive the other’s vehicle. We were in his truck, so me going by myself to pick up Son was not an option. Unless I went too, to drive my SUV back, there would not be a vehicle to accommodate two passengers at the end of the evening. The place was becoming more and more crowded by the minute, so if we both left we risked loosing our table. To add to the complication of considerations, the party was Karaoke and departure could mean sacrificing a turn at the mic. And the trip decidely meant sacrificing a small amount of gasoline. Ultimately, fatherly love won and I remained to keep the table secure. Son was just going to have to fold up in the back of the extended cab for the ride home. And, in the end, even the Karaoke rotation was uninterrupted.

Everything went well and we had a great time. As the evening began winding down, Son and I somehow got into a discussion about unconditional love and sacrificial love. He stated that his father loved him unconditionally, but not sacrificially. I found this to be a particularly upsetting sentiment, given what had been done for Son by his father earlier in the evening. Naturally, I took exception to the statement. I’m not sure when or how the discussion became an outright disagreement, but it did. And by that time my guy was involved, too. He just wanted us to stop. Judging by his reaction, it seems he was exceptionally unsettled by the very idea there would be disagreement on any level about any thing between two people he loves so much. By the time we got home, there was yelling. Not just raised voices, but yelling. Father and son were yelling at each other. Me and my guy were yelling at each other. Somehow, Son and I were not. Yelling is very unsettling for me due to my personal PTSD issues and something I usually refrain from for those reasons. The fact that I was yelling should have been a clue that the issue at hand was vastly important to me. My guy stated a couple of times, “and you are just fighting over the meaning of words. Really?!”

Yes. Really. Unconditional means that no matter what you do, I will still love you. Sacrificial means that I will demonstrate that love in a manner that costs me something; whether it be time, money, or a place in the Karaoke line. Sacrifice puts unconditional to the test. Unconditional can exist without sacrifice, but sacrifice cannot exist without unconditional. Perhaps to my guy these two things are so entwined it amounts to splitting hairs to attempt to define them distinctly from each other. One thing is for certain; Son does not see the sacrifices his father makes on his behalf. Or, at minimum, does not define something given at a cost as a sacrifice. He does clearly define "unconditional" separately and distictly from "sacrificial". Now I wonder, what does “sacrifice” mean to Son? Does it have any meaning at all to him? Does it to anyone anymore?