My attempt to encompass what having an eating disorder feels like. |
Plaster walls, full of cracks breaking in. Press my back against the door. . . Falling through the floor. Mirror, mirror that I see, Mirror, dear, do you love me? Hunger bites, claws my skin. Not one bite will I let in. Peer inside my mind fear is all you'll find. Mirror, mirror, see how strong? The mirror is never wrong. Promises I make them and fail. The beast is festering within, deep underneath my skin. "Freedom, freedom," cries my soul Over the mirror's death toll. Legs fall prey to overwork. My eyes twitch all berserk. My stomach has shrunk in How much further till I win? I don't think it ever ends. The mirror is not my friend. Jump through the hoops of life. Emotions loop round and round-- my feet aren't on the ground. Mirror, you are torturing me; no one sees the things I see. Please, please, make it stop. Please, please. Stomach drops, arms like sticks, bones that prick. . . "Mirror," I say, "let me go." But the mirror tells me no. I'm trapped, stuck in the swirl. Please save me. Used to be a normal girl. I'm not like her at all. I stutter, stumble, slip and fall. Locking me in her glass chest, Mirror says, "I know what's best." I'm different now, I'm a shell. I've changed. Who I was is gone, as well, in her place is someone wild. She is the mirror's child. Mirror hits, me breaks me-- why doesn't anyone else see? Emptiness, all that I am. Done for; done. Crash. Shatter. Bam. Pieces of the old me, parts of who I used to be. Mirror, mirror, now who am I? Rotted, bruised, broken inside. Thinness was just a decoy. Skinny. . . Now I am the mirror's toy. I thought that I was doing right, but I've strayed far from the light I pray no one falls like me for the mirror's trickery. Now I'm stuck. I'm trapped in her ice-cold chest. I stood, enrapt, the girl who I could maybe be staring straight back at me. Where's the girl with the clear head? Mirror answers me, "She's dead." Mirror promised good things to me. Good things. only she could see. I swear I'll flee from the one who broke me. Mirror can kill me with goodbye; get me out before I die. Nearly done, almost there, Funny, but . . . Mirror doesn't care. "You can never leave. You'll never be free." "Mirror, tell me when it ends." "Never, my dear, little friend." Drag me up to the light Get me out. I'll try and fight. God, save my soul. Take me, make me whole. Mirror keeps a tight grip, but I feel her fingers slip. Falling in and out of sleep. They ask, "Why'd you let yourself get caught?" Don't ask why. Ask why not. |