The Toothache Diary Chapter 6

TOOTHACHE DIARY
CHAPTER 6

“Momma, are you ok? Momma?”
“Yes honey I’m fine.”
Baby Girl is home from school. It must be around 2:30 in the afternoon. She always comes home around that time. I think I’ve been sitting on the edge of my bed ever since I got home. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I have. Just sitting here, staring into space. Staring into space with my eyes closed. I don’t see anything. I don’t hear anything. I don’t feel anything. I’ve made myself numb to everything around me and I like it that way….


“Mom? Mom?! What’s the matter with you? You’re sitting in the middle of the floor in your bra and panties.”
Miss Thang is home now. It must be 3:30. In an hour, I’ve managed to move from the bed to the floor. I hear Baby Girl talking to her big sister.
“When I came home, Momma was sitting on the bed. But her eyes were closed like she was sleeping. Then she got up and took off her clothes. Her legs started shaking real bad and she fell on the floor. She just stayed there. Sitting and sleeping.”

I can feel them looking at me. Wondering what’s happened to their mother. I’m wondering the same thing. When I got home today, all I wanted to do was forget every bad thing that happened. I wanted to forget all the mistakes and mishaps. I wanted to ease the pain. Not just the physical pain but the mental pain as well…

…”Regina, what the hell is wrong with you? Regina?! Can you hear me?”
“Yes, Sissy….I can hear you. How long have you been here?”
“I just got here. What’s going on? Your daughter called me and told me to rush right over because she’s worried about you. From the looks of it I can’t blame her. You’re sweating profusely, your breathing is erratic. You looked doped up. Are you doped up? ARE YOU!!?”

“Yes. I’m high ok. So what? Everybody needs an escape. We all want to feel good every now and again. Some people drink. Others do pot. I choose to….well that’s none of your business. Just leave me alone and let me be. I’m not hurting anyone. If you’ll excuse me, I have to get up and start dinner for the family.”

I’m lifting myself off the floor. As I stand up, I start to feel dizzy. Really dizzy. The room is spinning. I have sudden weakness in my legs. My vision is blurred. I can feel myself wobbling from left to right.

“Regina, are you ok?”
No Sissy, I’m not ok. I say this in my mind. I can’t answer her. I can’t breath. Oh God I can’t breath! I’m wheezing. I’m gasping. Help me!!!

I can feel myself falling. I can’t stop. It’s too late. I’m fainting. Or dying. I’m not sure. I just know I collapsed in front of my daughters and Sissy. I can faintly hear their screams and cried for me. I take back what I said earlier. I am hurting someone….the people who love me