Love and hate

         She was sweeping away her crushed spirit as the tears blurred her vision... She hid it all under the rug, and went to wash her face with cold water. People were coming over after all!

Chatter always made her feel good, good vibes made her forget for a few moments, but the sorrow always came back when silence was her only company. She hated being alone, and loved it at the same time! It made her feel lonely, but comfortable. It was her best friend and worst enemy! Sometimes both at once... It was probably the fear of her own thoughts that made it unbearable to stay alone for too long, she liked it when she could steal someone else's world and play in it for a while! It was like being able to pause her life, it was like having control over it. The only bad part was having to hit play again just so she wouldn't forget how to walk in her own shoes. And that's when the monsters would start coming from under the bed. And she'd let them creep up on her, hearing every step they made behind her, and never turning around to see how close they were. Because that would make them real, visible, scary...

It seemed that everything in her world had become a mixture of two contradicting concepts. Much like feeling so exhausted that you cannot fall asleep, or like letting your past shape you entirely, that it made you terrified of your future. She hated it so much, that she started cherishing it. It made her who she was, and a feeling so powerful that completely took over her could not be taken for granted. She loved it so much!

What if love and hate were the same feeling? What if it was exactly the same, only you felt one when you were extremely happy and the other one when you were extremely angry. There had to be a reason people cried out of joy and out of sadness, right? What if hate was just a temporarily disguised love? Because you couldn't possibly have one without the other. I mean seriously, how could you hate something or someone you never loved before? No one ever felt so intensely toward things that didn't matter to them! So what if love was hate and hate was love? What if you loved something so purely that you turned it into hate? Maybe we weren't supposed to love so strongly, maybe that's why everyone was so afraid of love. Because if you turned around and faced it, you made it real, visible, scary...