All The Things I Couldn't Say

All the things I couldn't say

I'm hiding behind the trailer, back pressed against the wire, nestled between foxgloves and overgrown weeds.

My head bent towards darkness in this fleeting sanctuary.

Frustration weaving through my numb core, an overwhelming swell of pressure in my chest, I cry in the only place it's safe.


He's here again, been here for a while, and they're calling for me as they leave.

But I don't respond, thinking it's funny that they should choose now, the moment I don't want to be found.

Despite my resentment, I won't utter a single criticism,

Not when I know, all too well, no-one wants to listen.

Nope, not today, or any other day,

Let's just pretend, like usual, everything is okay.


I stand, wipe my eyes.


Because God forbid they see I'm upset.

That I have feelings, too, that I can't just forget.


She's not the only one putting them first.

At their age I considered suicide, but will anyone ever consider that I'm hurt?


You're just stuck in the past, they always say.

But they don't have the right to judge and you can't just wish this away.


We're supposed to deal with it under the surface, behind closed doors.

It doesn't matter that not having this out in the open will only damage us more.


But I guess that was never of any real importance.

So long as we protect their innocence.