Growing pains.

Let me tell you a little story about a girl who just won't give it up.

"It?" you ask?

"It," I reply.

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who was given what she believed to be an opportunity she thought she would never have. A man she would never have assumed would want her had made it known to many that he did, in fact, want her. Evidently, he had wanted her for a very long time.

This woman, let's call her Hope, had known this man for many years. In her eyes, he was unattainable. He was a good man, but he was not a free man, and therefore, she assumed him to be completely elusive to her wit and charm.

When Hope became aware that this man, let's call him Chance, had indeed had his eye on her for all the years that they had been acquainted, it was as if a window had suddenly been opened into her world, through which a light shone so brightly that it blinded her.

There was no denying that Hooe wanted Chance, as well, and it was incredibly surprising how quickly Hope was able to accept the affection from this man of whom she wouldn't typically have believed she was deserving. It was also absolutely terrifying.

You see, Hope had made an unconscious decision in her recent past; a decision to remain alone, but not lonely, in order to continue exploring who she was and who she wanted to be. She had decided never again to pursue a relationship into which she couldn't pour every drop of her faith and dedication, but instead to focus all of her energy on falling in love with herself. After all, how can one truly love another without embracing true love for one's self?

For six delightfully precarious days and nights, Hope and Chance gamboled in and out of the boundaries they had each set for themselves, as well as for others. They spoke candidly of matters they held very close to their hearts. They had reached a level of intimacy that they had both forgotten had existed, outside the bedroom. Suddenly, Hope was alive, and for her sudden emotional awakening, Chance was the one to thank.

Unfortunately, it is often easily forgotten that vulnerability walks hand in hand with risk. Certainly, we must all be aware that one cannot find happiness without taking risks and exposing his or her self to the powers of discovery. It is frighteningly easy to become engulfed, even lost, in the glowing and intoxicating warmth of attention and tenderness. However, thank goodness for Hope, the reality-packed earth was not waiting far below her when she came spiraling down from the clouds on which she had been twirling for six carefree days and nights.

On the last of these nights they had spent together, Chance and Hope had also a shared a very long, very deep, and very heavy conversation. By the time the momentum of their exchange had begun to lose steam, Chance had disquietly mustered the courage to share something with Hope that he ventured to guess might shatter her fragile existence, as it were. You might say that Chance had decided that he was ready to take a chance--just not on Hope.

Their time together had been wonderful, he told her. He meant every word he'd said, but what Chance couldn't have anticipated was that the torch he had carried for another for so long would be reignited with the flame he had been fanning for Hope.

The truth was simple: he loved someone else, and his time with Hope only helped him to realize this truth.

For an instant, Hope was mortified. humiliated. ashamed. From where had this revelation come? How long had she been sharing her most private thoughts and unexplored feelings with Chance before he realized he didn't want her anymore?

That moment quickly passed, however, and with each word Chance spewed forth about being so sorry and so embarrassed, Hope was lifted higher and higher above his voice until she reached a place of sheer and veritable enlightenment. For the first time in her existence, Hope was able to be completely present and aware in that very moment, horrifying as it may have previously seemed. She was also able to simultaneously understand and appreciate that moment's meaning and significance entirely. For the first time, ever, Hope could practically see the outline of current events, as it were, mapped out before her very eyes. She watched helplessly and fascinated as the connections were made between the bullets, and she immediately understood and appreciated why Chance had entered her life so quickly, only to vanish from her life with equally measured haste.

All Hope needed was a small reminder from the universe of the fact that her destiny would wait for her while she ventured out on her path of self-discovery. Nay, it would not not wait for her, but it would unfold before her exactly the way that it was meant to. That kind of faith is very important to Hope, indeed, but even more importantly, Hope also needed to be reminded of how deserving she is of complete, unmitigated happiness. She need to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the only way to obtain that happiness is to dedicate time and love-soaked attention to herself and the life she is building.

Hope left Chance behind with no trace of sadness or regret in her heart. Instead, Hope left Chance behind with a spirit lifted by the wings of hope.

So, what is "it," you may still be wondering? I think it goes without saying that "it" is different for each and every one of us. Right now, for me, "it" is me, and I'm just not ready to give me up.

Not yet.