Simple Minds

Chrystal

I lay here awake in misery. No one knows the pain in me. All they seem to care about is Anna, who's probably making herself throw up right now. Good thing I have my blades to save me. Good thing I have my knives to help me. I get up and reach under my bed, feeling for it. I've found it. My knife. My life.
I press it against my skin and drag. I watch the red dots start to come up. I can see where the dots become a line. I see the line start to seep. My mind blanks and all I find is relief. All I feel is numb.

Anna

I feel so fat. I am so fat. I wish I could find my relief. I wish I could do my thing. Sometimes, I wish that I was able to be normal, like Chrystal, but nooooo I've got an 'eating disorder'. What the hell does that even mean anyway? I just wish I could have relief now. Oh, wait, I can. I have my wastebasket. I have a finger.
I stand up. I reach for my trashcan. I kneel over it and stick my finger down my throat. I gag and feel everything coming up. There it is. My dinner. The mac and cheese that my parents thought that I could keep down. The corn and green beans that are 'good for me'. And the red velvet cake that tasted so good going down.

Chrystal

June 18, 2013, 9:48 pm
Sometimes, I wish Mom and Dad would notice me, too. All they seem to see is Anna, the bulimic one, the one who needs their attention. What they don't see is that I'm here too, I'm hurting too, I need help too. They only see what's obvious, I guess, like the vomit in the toilet, or the smell of it in the air. My sisters both have an air about them that I don't.
Christyna is so confident in herself. She totally rocks her Hollywood couple looks with her boyfriend, Luke, who has dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. Its no wonder that why they're together. I mean, they are so cute together. Her beauty and smarts can take her everywhere.
My sister is amazing, but sometimes...sometimes its hard living in that shadow she casts. Before, Anna was the captian of the Cheer Cats at our school, as well as the captian of the volleyball team and student body president. Anna is the perfect one, with pale white skin, black hair, and blue-green eyes. The one who deserves everything. She's probably the only reason that I was voted as a princess. I'm the one who can't do anything right...I hurt myself, I hurt others, and I hurt everything alive. I can't even cut myself right, I don't bleed every time. I can't do anything right...I'm just a shadow...Well, Im going to cut now...
From, Chrystal
I take the razor to do it. Pressing it against my skin, I drag. Nothing. Again, I press and drag. This time, I get little beads of blood. I smile, watching the blood drops grow into a line that starts to seep. I pick up my razor and do it again. I watch more blood come against the deep tan that I have...I wish I had Anna's pale skin. Its so pretty.
Knock, Knock. I hear someone at my door. "One sec. please." I hide my cut arm and razor under my blanket. "Come in." I call.
"Hey, sis. How are you?" Its our brother, Alec. He's one third of Anna. She's a triplet with Alec and Alexander. We have two brothers and Christyna, my twin. "I know what's going on right now can't be easy for you or Christyna. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, Alec, I know that. I'm okay, really. I understand exactly what's going on." I say, looking him in the eye. I feel so bad for lying to him, but he doesn't understand what I'm going through. "She was my best friend, she told me everything a while ago, but begged me not to tell."
"Really?" I nod. "THEN HOW COULD YOU LISTEN TO HER?" He thunders at me. "How could you let her waste away like that?"
"You know what? I was stupid. Anna told me that it wasn't a problem, okay? I realize my mistake now, you don't need to make me relive it. But whatever, this just proves that you, Mr. Knows Everybody, doesn't really know anybody, maybe not even yourself." I yell back. "Get out of my room, now!"
"Chrystal, I'm so sorry for-"
"Out. Now." Under the cover, I grip the razor really tight, so tight that I can feel it cutting my skin. As soon as he shuts the door behind him, I go to it and lock it. I take out my razor and cut my leg. I drag it again and again, around ten times before I start to feel numb. Then, I get the gauze, that I keep in my room, and wrap it up.

Anna

June 18, 2013, 9:55 pm
Dear Diary,
I'm so tired of all this attention. I just it would go away. Not to mention, Mom and Dad are not paying any to Alec, Alexander, Chrystal, or Christina. They need love, too. But NOO, I'm the only one who needs it. I'm the only one they seem to care about anymore, but I can tell that Chrystal is about to crack. She's hiding something...She use to tell me what was going on inside that amazing head of hers. Not so much anymore...
My sister is so beautiful, with her black hair, tan skin, and blue-green eyes, She doesn't see it, but I do. I also see her beautiful ways that she doesn't. She thinks that she's worthless, when, in fact, she's probably the only reason that I haven't killed myself yet. I love her more than anything else. She's the captain of the swim team, the second best cheer leader #after me, the captain#, the smartest kid in school, the best drum major in the band, and the only non-senior princess.
My other sister is beautiful, too, in a different way. Christyna has the same pale skin as me #Chrystal was the only one who inherited the tannish skin tone#, red hair, and blue-green eyes.. Tyna definitely sees that though. She is so confident in herself.
Love, Anna
Knock, knock. "Come in," I say, closing my notebook. "What's up, Alec?"
"I-I have to ask, did you tell Chrystal about you throwing up?" He asks, stuttering.
"I had to. She caught my in the bathroom once, a few months ago, but I made her promise not to tell, and you know how she is with promises. I-I told her that it wasn't a problem. Did she tell you?"
"Yeah, but only because I asked." He pauses. "Why did you tell her? She's just a kid."
"I told her the truth. She may be a kid, but she deserves that much. Did you know that she feels worthless most of the time, even though she is definitely not?" He shakes his head. "She does, and you yelling at her doesn't help. Yeah, I heard it. She's probably beating herself up because of it. Yeah, I know she is." I look at him. "Its not her fault, okay? If you don't believe me on anything else, believe this. Please."
"I do. I had no idea that she felt that way about herself."
"No one did. She hides it well, but what the asshole of a sperm donor we had did to her, we can never know, unless she tells us. I know what he did to me, but what happened to the other two, I do not know. They deal with that in their own way. I did."
"Knock, knock. Can I come in, too?" It's Xander, our brother.
"Sure you can, the question is, will you?" I tease. Xander made a rule that he will not enter a girl's room at all.
"You don't count. Your not a girl, your my sister." Xander says. He comes in. "I mean, you are a girl, but we are triplets, so you aren't really different from me or Alec."
"Well, thanks then, but I am a girl." I say. He looks at me funny. "I know that its a foreign concept to you, but I am. Get that through your little head."
"Hey, do you have any idea how to apologize to Chrystal?" Alec asks. "I was so wrong in what I did to her."
"You mean when you yelled at her?" Xander asks. Alec noddes his head. "I might."
"Tell me. Please. I did something really wrong and it wasn't even her fault."
"Xander doesn't know anything. Get her water lilies or chocolate. She enjoys those a lot." I tell him, turning towards Xander, I say, "Xander, you need to butt out of this. Chrys is really vulnerable right now. She feels like what is going on right now is her fault. Even though its not."
"Oh, sorry, I didn't know that you two were so close..." He looses his train of thought. "Hey, wait a second. If you two were close, then did she know about, you know?"
"Yeah, she did. But don't hold it against her."
"Okay."