Cake Topper

OPEN SCENE

The outside of a bakery. A man - a magician (dressed the part) - walks into the shop.

cut to interior of bakery. A woman - Rachel - stands behind the counter in front of a cake.

RACHEL Mike, I'm so glad you could make it!

MIKE Hey, no problem! I'm happy to do the show - although I didn't quite understand. You said you wanted me to perform on top of a cake? I'm a pretty big guy... is this a stage that's decorated like a cake, or -

RACHEL (interrupting) No, this is the cake right here!

Rachel points out the normal-sized birthday cake to Mike. He gives a puzzled look.

MIKE Rachel... how do you expect me to fit on there?

RACHEL Simple, with this!

Rachel pulls out a small gun that looks like a toy

MIKE Is that a water gun? How is that gonna help?

RACHEL Lemme show you!

Rachel points the gun at Mike and pulls the trigger. A small, thin beam of light hits Mike and he appears to vanish.

***The next scene is shot from the ground, upward toward Rachel

RACHEL See, now you can fit on the cake!

***Scene cuts to Mike, around 2 to 4 inches tall, standing beside of Rachel's foot. As they talk, the scene will alternate between these two views.

MIKE What the hell! What did you do to me!!!

RACHEL Duh, I shrank you.

MIKE Why???

RACHEL You asked how the gun was going to help, and I showed you

MIKE I'm two inches tall, that's not helping anything!

RACHEL Yes it will, it'll help you fit on the cake!

Mike continues to argue, but Rachel takes a small paper bag and places it over Mike, carefully turning the bag upside down. He's still trying to argue. She peaks in and giggles, and shuts the bag. She walks outside. She lights a cigarette and opens the bag. She looks in. Will be shot from three views - view of Mike inside the bag, view of the camera looking up at Rachel from inside the bag, and view of Rachel standing outside looking into the bag.

RACHEL Okay, now that you've calmed down, here's what I-

MIKE (Interrupting) I'm not calm, I'm two inches tall! And are you smoking? That's bad for you!

RACHEL Don't lecture me!

MIKE Oh, I'll lecture you

As Mike keeps lecturing, Rachel takes a drag off of her cigarette and blows smoke in the bag. Mike coughs and starts to protest. She does it again.

RACHEL I can smoke all day! Now are you going to listen?

MIKE I'm listening, I'm listening!

RACHEL Great! When the woman picks up the cake for her kid's birthday in a few, I'm going to give you to her in this bag. She's going to put you on the cake, and while they sing Happy Birthday you need to perform a trick! Then she'll put you up and cut the cake, and deliver you back to me after the party.

MIKE And what If I won't?

Rachel blows smoke in the bag again.

RACHEL Do you really think you're in a position to protest?

Rachel closes the bag and goes back into the bakery.

Inside of the bakery, Rachel turns the back up on the cake, and carefully pulls it away leaving Mike on top.

RACHEL You can do this. Piece of cake. Pun totally intended.

MIKE I'm still not sure this is really happening.

RACHEL (making a pinching action with her fingers) Want me to pinch you? Make sure you're really awake?

MIKE (looking scared) No!

RACHEL Oh, Here comes the customer! Back in the bag for you!

As Rachel reaches for Mike the screen fades to black. The words "3 hours later" appear on the black screen. Scene opens to Rachel talking to someone off screen, apparently the departing customer.

RACHEL Thank you! Have a great day. (Looking down into the bag) How'd it go?

MIKE Well, I'm two inches tall. I was in a paper bag for an hour. Then a woman reached in and man-handled me, placing me on top of a cake, where I waved colored clothes around while people sang happy birthday. Then, an 8 year old kid went to blow out some candles and spit all over me. Then just as soon as it began, the woman grabbed me and stuffed me in her pocket, and I was there for an eternity before she fished me out, threw me back in the bag, and brought me here.

RACHEL Oh, so it went great!

MIKE You're hilarious. Okay, I did your show, turn me back to normal.

RACHEL I will in a minute... but first I think I'll have another cigarette...

Rachel closes the bag as Mike starts to protest. She begins to walk outside, giggling, as the camera fades to black.