Derk Beureguard, Zombie Hunter

It was hot, whether it was summer or winter it didn't matter much. The bus stopped in some small town somewhere in the Andes. The air was thin, he grabbed an Inca Cola wiped his forehead with a fading bandanna, sat and waited. He won the trip, the letter said. Enclosed were tickets bringing him south, mostly by bus. The trip had not been what he had expected, but then again neither was his life. He was happy for the chance to get away, leave his crappy world behind and see the world.

There he was, stuck in some town, not really a town just some huts thrown together high up in the mountain air. Few people in the street, a bus station, not really a bus station but a plank thrown across two old barrels with a sign in Spanish announcing buses leaving daily for where ever you want to go. His ticket brought him here and no further.

Inside a shack behind the bus station, was a bar of sorts. In the corner, an emaciated skeleton of a woman had puzzle pieces spread out on a card table, one of those with green top and folding legs. He peaked over her shoulder, as he did she held up the cover of the box: Our Lady of Guadeloupe ran the title. A picture of the church somewhere up north in Mexico. Funny how that sounded, up north in Mexico.

Smiling her toothless grin she bent over busying herself arranging the pieces trying to make some logic out of the scrambled mess of pieces. She grabbed a puzzle piece and shook it at him. She placed it deep in his hand closing his fingers around its jagged edges, then after spitting on the floor she blessed herself and promptly escorted him out of the place locking the door behind him.

The bright sun made the white washed walls of the buildings in the town seem whiter than he imagined could be possible. He looked at the puzzle piece in his hand, it was the cross from atop the church. Her puzzle will be incomplete, he thought to himself.

“I don't think she will mind. We have been waiting for you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, let me see what grandmother gave you.” He grabbed the puzzle piece from his hand. “Yes, this is powerful medicine. Treasure it, save it. It may save your life.”

“Who the hell are you?”

“I made the arrangements for you to come here. I have your business card. Grandmother has powerful magic, you shouldn't ignore her.”

Searching for some string, he settled for a length of dental floss and then hung the image around his neck.

“What business card?”

The man pulled out an old dog-eared business card form his pocket and handed it to the traveler.

“This was a joke, a prank. Something I did to get laid.” He tossed the business card back at the little man.

“This is not good. We are in need of someone with your talents.”

“Talents? My talent is getting drunk and trying to remember if I had sex.”

“It says right here, zombie hunter.”

“Bud, everyone knows that zombies aren't real. That was a joke. A haha, you understand?”

The man shook his head as he turned away. “I am afraid that we did not see it as a joke. We spent lots of the town's money to bring you here. We need someone to rid us of our plague. We believed in good faith that it was you.”

“Well, you are wrong. I'm just a high school gym teacher from Saint Louis. The zombie thing was a joke so that I could get laid. Understand? Laid? Sex?”

“No matter, there is no money to send you home. You will have to spend the night. You can stay at my house. I will explain that you are a liar and fraud. I cannot protect you from the town’s folk or those that roam about in the moonless night.”

“Who roams about in the night?”

“That is why we hired you, to stop them from stealing our cattle, raping our women, abducting our children. The old woman from the bar...”

“You called her grandmother.”

“Yes, she is the grandmother of the earth, the grandmother of everyone, she is very old. Some say a hundred maybe more.”

“Years? “ He chuckled.

“You are making fun of me. Yes, years. The sun is going down; you will need the protection grandmother gave you. If we hurry we can run across the square to my home.”

The two men ran across the square as the sun went down and the sky went pitch black. Then in a moonless night the stars, the milky way, the universes illuminated the pure night time sky unfolding in a majestic view that few have seen. The howling and screams started soon after.

“You were brought here to stop them.”

“I can't.”

The screams of children pierced the night.

“Please, my friend.”

“I don't know what to do.”

The little man handed him a large knife. “I do not know either, but maybe together we can defeat them. I have faith. I believe that fate brought you to us, despite your lies.” Blessing himself, the little man stood in the open doorway. The cries of women filled the air.

“What the hell, I wasn't doing anything tonight anyway.” Kissing the puzzle piece hanging around his neck, he put his arm around the little man's shoulder. “Onward we go. You know this may be the end. What's your name anyway?”

“Panza, Sancho Panza.”

“Sancho. They call me Derk. Derk Beureguard, zombie hunter. Please to meet you.” They shook hands.

“Okay little friend, let's go kill us some zombies.”