Being New

“Class, we have a new student today,” our English teacher announced as she made her way over to the board. She turned on her heel suddenly, like she’d been pulled by an invisible string. It was so mechanical, the way she moved. It made me think that she in fact was being controlled by an unseen entity. We were all oblivious to it, but only I seemed to notice how short and sharp her movements were. Maybe I was overthinking it. I didn’t notice that she’d been talking the whole time, because I’d been trapped inside my own head. I squinted to make my obsessive thoughts go away. “Class, I’d like you to meet Raina. She’ll be joining us for the rest of the year.” She motioned to the door as it opened.
I nearly choked when I saw her walk in. It was like she was enveloped in dark colors, and she moved so swiftly, like she was gliding across the floor. Her brown hair was a little past her shoulders and it had a little bit of a red tint in the sun. She didn’t seem to care that anyone else was here; I doubt she even noticed them. She had this look on her face; it was very faraway, like she was too deep in thought to register anything else. Her eyes shot over to mine for a split second, and her expression changed. I couldn’t read it fast enough, because it was gone too quickly. Raina’s brown eyes were gone as soon as I’d seen them. She sat in the seat next to me, because there weren’t any more open. People started talking to her, and she nodded at them politely. I could tell she wasn’t too interested in conversation. She didn’t seem like the type to be.
She was pretty in a weird way. She was like no one I’d ever seen before. There were two horizontal scars on the top of her wrist, like she’d worn a watch that left a mark. I doubted that was where it was from. Her eyes were darting back and forth around the room, like she was reading everyone’s facial expressions. She was assessing who were the good people in here, and my guess is that she’d make all the right decisions when it came to friends. Raina seemed smart enough for that. I spent the whole class period wondering whether I should say something to her. She hadn’t given me a second glance in that span of time. Not since she was walking to her seat. I tapped my pencil rhythmically on my desk as I thought it over. I felt a tap on my shoulder a few seconds later. Raina was staring at me intently, but there was no real expression on her face. “The girl behind me told me to give you this,” She kept her voice quiet.
I nodded and took it from her. Her fingers were cold and thin, my guess was that she played some type of instrument. She had the hands of a piano player. Raina drew her hand back slowly from mine, like she realized what I was thinking about. With her other hand she grabbed her fingers, and entwined them together. When I opened the note I saw that it was a question written in slanted handwriting.

You think she’s pretty?

I crumpled the paper in my hand, tempted to throw it back at Molly. Out of everything in the world to say to me, she had to ask me that? I almost scowled when I felt another tentative tap on my shoulder. When I turned Raina was looking at me expectantly with a folded sheet of paper in her hand. It was a paper crane, but she motioned for me to open it.

She’s trying to talk to you about me isn’t she? I don’t see the point. I’ve only been here an hour and the whole school already knows about me. She seems like a narcissistic person.

I held in my laughter and nodded. I was impressed that she folded this into a paper crane just for me. It was original. We had a project; so naturally, everyone in the class was talking. Raina just stared around the room, content with being silent. Molly was across the room with her friends, no doubt talking about the new girl. Probably gossiping about the way she dresses, or the fact that she’s beautiful beyond belief. She seems like the kind of person that wouldn’t agree that she’s gorgeous. She’d probably be modest and say that you’re just saying that to be nice. I swallowed my nerves and tapped her on the shoulder. “Raina right?”
She seemed surprised. “Yes, why?” I noticed that she had two piercings in her ear, but they weren’t on her ear lobe. It was strange, but intriguing no less.
“I was just wondering. I’m Gage.” I extended my hand out to her. When she took it I gasped. Her hands were ice cold.
“Sorry, they’re always like that. So, I have a question. Um, why was that girl passing a note to you about me? I didn’t do anything to her, or at least I don’t think I did…” She trailed off, and it seemed almost like she was trying to reassure herself that she didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to tell her it was ok before she even finished her sentence. I felt like I should be nice to her, because it didn’t seem like she was going to have a fan club in this class. How would I even answer that question?
I wrinkled my brow. “I don’t know, she’s just trying to stir things up. She wants to make you uncomfortable I think, so that you’ll stay away from her clique. When new people come around, she always tells me how worried she is that she’ll get replaced.” I kept my voice low so Molly wouldn’t hear too much. She was looking over at the two of us talking, probably telling her friends that I’m not as cool for talking to the new girl. She’d be referred to as that for at least a few weeks.
“So, I got the narcissistic part right then, yeah?” Her laugh was soft, like she was afraid to be too loud. She twisted one her piercings around and winced. “I really shouldn’t have gotten this; I don’t know what I was thinking.” Raina shook her head, and a smile formed on her lips. I’ve never seen anyone smile like that, it was weird. It was a sort of a sad smile, and it made me want to know more about her.
I shrugged. “I think it’s cool. I’ve never seen one right there before. Um, this class ends in a minute. Do you have first lunch?” I asked. Raina pulled her schedule out of her pocket and stared at it for a long time. Something flashed behind her eyes, like excitement maybe.
“I do.” She nodded.
I pulled my backpack onto my shoulder. “Then come on, I have first lunch too.”
Raina’s eyes widened. “You don’t have to do that.”
I sighed and stood in front of her desk. She stared up at me, but she looked a little freaked out. Molly was walking over to us, and I saw her tense up immediately when Molly placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, guys. Gage, you’re sitting with us at lunch today right?” Her eyes were expectant, like she was counting on me to say yes. I didn’t want to, because that would make me seem like just the average popular guy. I was popular I guess, but I didn’t want to be known for just that.
I shook my head. “No, I’m sitting with Raina today.” Molly scoffed, sauntering off in that way I knew too well. We’d dated for a few months last year, but when things blew up she expected for everything to go back to the way it was. It didn’t, of course. When we sat together at lunch it was always so awkward, like our group was split in two. I had my side, and she had hers. I was surprised that she even asked me to sit with them, it felt below her to ask me. When the bell rang Raina gathered up her things in one swift move, and she followed me out the door.
I had no idea what I could say to her at this point. She was someone I wanted to get to know better, know more about. But then, so did everyone else. I knew she was going to get bombarded by people with their questions today. I was trying to save her from that, because I’d went through the same thing when I moved here a few years ago. It’s just this overwhelming feeling that makes you want to be by yourself, distance yourself from everyone. She’d seemed to already have done that, based on her placid expression. She didn’t care at all. “So, Raina. Where did you move here from?” It was the most basic of questions, one that she was likely to hear all day today, and for the next week.
She took a sip from her drink, like she had to think about the answer. “Um, well. I’m from Illinois. I’ve lived a lot of places, so I’ve lost my accent.” Raina explained.
I nodded. “That makes a lot of sense. But there’s been another thing I’ve been wondering about…”
“And what would that be?”
“Why do you dress like that? I mean, are you emo or something? I know it sounds so stupid to ask but—“
“It’s ok, really. And to answer your question, no I’m not. A lot of people probably see me and write me off that way but they’re wrong. They don’t know me. I dress how I dress. Is there anything wrong with that? I’d say no but some would beg to differ.” She had this amused look on her face, like I wasn’t the only person she’d explained this to before. It sounded like a prewritten speech. I admired that. A guy I knew slid in beside her, and put an arm around her shoulder. “Ok, let’s not.” She pushed his arm off her. I tried to hold in a laugh.
“What? Am that repulsive?” Tanner whined.
“No, she just doesn’t know you. Give her a break, it’s only her first day.” I tried to wave him off, but he looked interested to know more about her. He turned to her, but she looked every direction but at him. I already knew they weren’t going to be friends any time soon.
“Then what are you doing over here? Molly told me you were trying to put the moves on this girl!” Tanner threw his hands up in disbelief.
“By now, I’d trust you to not believe a word she says. We both have first lunch, that’s it. I’m helping her with all her classes.” I kept my tone level to not give anything away. I wasn’t really helping her, I was trying to get to know her as a person. I’m sure she realized that, but she didn’t say anything. I checked my watch. “Besides, I was just about to show her to her next class anyway. Come on, Raina.” When I stood she narrowed her eyes at me for a second, reading my expression. Then she stood and followed me, away from Tanner.
When she caught up she whispered in my ear, “Thanks for that.”
I nodded. “I felt like I needed to, he’s a bit of a jerk anyway. He has been ever since he’s had this girlfriend named Marina. He was never like that before, so it surprises me how much he’s changed. But anyway, what class do you have next?”
She dug her hand into her pocket again. “Um, chemistry, room 264.”
I smiled. “That’s good. I have 266. Come on, it’s upstairs.” As we climbed the stairs in silence I realized how glad I really was to have a room close to hers. That meant I could show her to her next class, walk with her when everything was familiar to her. It gave me an excuse to get to know her. That was all I needed. While we were waiting for the bell to ring she stared at the wall, which had pictures of people who used to go here. They weren’t particularly interesting, but my guess was that she was doing that to not make it awkward. Raina walked slowly as she read each one, her head tilted upward. Then suddenly she stopped, and her head snapped in my direction.
“Why are you watching me?” She asked quietly. She looked embarrassed that she’d caught me doing that, but I didn’t care.
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen someone so interested in those pictures before. It’s strange.” I came closer to her to stare at the pictures myself. They were all in black and white, and they were all smiling. I had no idea who they were, I just knew that each one of them played a sport. Some had a case with their jersey in it, or a pair of their running shoes. I’d never taken the time to read any of them.
“So, I’m strange for looking at these pictures because no one else seems to?” Raina said that just as the bell rang, and swarms of people went running off to lunch. She stood there for a long minute, and then was enveloped by them. I couldn’t see her anymore, and I tried to find her. She’d probably already gone to class. I went in my room, cursing myself for how stupid I’d sounded. That was all she probably saw me as now. I’d messed up.
It was Friday, when she first got here, and as I sat up in my bed on Saturday morning, I thought about her. Did she hate me? Did she think I was strange? Had she written me off like so many people had her? It was just now ten, so I slipped a shirt over my head and went outside. We had new neighbors moving in across the street, and I wondered who they could be. I went over to say hello. I stopped short when I saw Raina sitting up in the tree in the front yard, listening to music. She was still, like she was oblivious to the rest of the world. The music blocked out everything that could possibly matter. She’d probably think I was a creep for being here, and she’d tell me to leave. I backed up, hoping that she wouldn’t notice that I’d come over here in the first place.
Her hand twitched, and she turned her head in my direction. How could she have heard me? She must have felt someone watching her then. Raina jumped down from the tree, pulling her ear buds out as she did so. “What are you doing here?” She asked, a little annoyed.
I pointed to my house. “I live across the street. I came over to meet the new neighbors… and that just so happens to be you.”
“How coincidental.” Her tone sliced through the air, it was so sharp. I cringed at the harsh sound of it, wanting to apologize for having the stupid idea of coming over here. She sighed, and all the anger seemed to slip away from her body. “Look, I understand that you were trying to be nice yesterday, but I’m fine. I’ve done this before, I know what it’s like to be asked a million different questions. I know what it’s like to be written off by people who think they’re better than me, including you. So, I’m good.” She shoved her headphones in her pocket, seemingly frustrated. Her tone wasn’t angry, in fact, it was completely calm. It was weird, because her words contradicted the feeling she was giving off. I felt like a huge jerk.
“I don’t think I’m better than you. What would make you think that?” I asked.
She crossed her arms and laughed, a short and constricted noise. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Gage. Your friends hate me already, and I’m guessing it’s all because of Molly. You guys have probably dated, and her word is the only thing that keeps your little group together, am I right? You act like you don’t care what she says, but I know you do. I don’t need all that petty crap in my life right now.”
“I was only trying to help you.”
“I didn’t ask you to! In a few weeks your interest in me will fade, and it’ll be like nothing ever happened. I’m ok with that; I just don’t want to feel like you’re using me to get back at her. All the stuff that happened to you and her was before me, so just because I’m new here, doesn’t mean I get to be used as a weapon against the craziest bitch in school, ok?” Raina bit her lip and tried to walk away, but I caught her wrist. She turned, a little confused.
I shook my head. “That was never my intention.” Her expression of hatred faded, like I’d disarmed her with just a sentence. Like those few words made her change her mind about me. I’ve heard things like that happen to people, but I’ve never seen it. I let go of her, and her arm dropped to her side in defeat. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”
Raina stepped back towards the tree, and lifted herself up onto the branch that she was sitting on before. I stood there for a moment, speechless. She finally sighed and extended her hand to me. “Are you coming up here or not?” She raised her eyebrows. I took her hand and lifted myself onto the branch. It was harder than she made it look, lifting your body weight straight up. I sat across from her, not too sure on what to do. She sighed again and stood on the branch. She jumped, her hands the next highest branch, a few feet above me. Somehow she managed to get up there, away from me. The next thing I know she’s hanging upside down, our faces almost touching. “You’re new at this, aren’t you?”
I shrugged. “I mean I guess. I don’t do this in my spare time.”
She nodded, which looked a little awkward since she was hanging upside down. “So what do you do?” Raina asked.
“I don’t know really.” When she went to lift herself back to an upright decision her leg slipped. She gasped and started to fall. She didn’t scream when I caught her. Suddenly I lost my balance, and toppled to the ground with her in my arms. We both screamed then, because it was a long fall. My back hit the ground with a thud, and a shockwave of pain ran down my spine. “Ow.” She lifted her head up, blinking a few times. She gasped and scrambled to get off of me. Raina pulled her knees to her chest in shock.
“You could’ve let me fall you know, you didn’t have to fall too.” When she turned I saw a long cut on her jaw, and blood trickling down her neck. There was a tremendous amount of hurt in her eyes, and it made me feel guilty.
I reached out and let my fingers brush her jaw. “You’re bleeding…”
She glanced down at my hand, then touched the cut. When she saw the blood she nodded. “Oh. I guess I am.” She moved away from me slightly, just enough that I couldn’t reach her. I think it made her uncomfortable, me touching her like that. I wanted to apologize. “We haven’t even unpacked anything yet I don’t…” Raina trailed off.
I stood up and offered my hand. She took it and stood next to me. “Come on, we’re going to my house to take care of it.” We walked across the street in silence. I opened my door and led her up the stairs to the bathroom. I motioned for her to sit on top of the counter, and she did without a word. “I think we can both agree to never do that again…” I turned on the faucet.
She nodded. “Sure.” The cold water made her jump when it made contact with her skin, but she tried not to move too much. I felt better, knowing that this was something I could do for her. That she was letting me do this for her. She didn’t seem like the kind of person that would let anyone do anything for her. Raina was independent in that way. Or maybe too proud. Then she started laughing, really laughing. It made me pull back, and after a second, I started laughing too. “I don’t know why I’m laughing….it’s just so funny.” She held her side. Her head was tossed back, and I’d never seen someone smile so brightly, it shocked me a little.
“I don’t know what to say…” Her smile faded when I said that, and her laugh echoed into silence. “Do you want to go to a movie later? I mean if you don’t want to that’s totally ok but—“
“Sure.”
I turned, a bit surprised. “Sure?”
She nodded. “I mean, my mom will be unpacking all day, and I don’t have anything better to do than fall out of trees so….yes. I’ll go with you.” Raina jumped off the counter and opened the bathroom door. “I’ll see you later ok? Seven or something.” When I smiled she waved and ran down the stairs. I sat there for a moment, pretty dazed. I’d just asked her out, I’d just asked the weirdest girl in school to go to the movies with me. I was probably going to get criticized for that, but I didn’t mind. I thought she was a nice girl, a nice and beautiful girl. If I was going to get to know her better, this was the way to do it.
I put on a black long sleeve shirt and headed out into my living room. It was 6:50 right now, and I was more nervous than I felt like I should be. Was she obsessing over this too? Was she nervous about going somewhere with me? When I asked her to go to the movies with me earlier, I hadn’t even thought twice about it. It just slipped out to fill the silence. But then, a few hours later, I actually wanted to go with her. I checked the time every two minutes, then I got an idea. When I got over to her house I went to knock on the door. “What are you doing?”
I stopped short and turned around. She jumped down from the tree in the same cloud of dark colors that I saw when I first met her. I raised my eyebrows when she came towards me. She had skinny jeans on, and this black shirt with white cursive writing on it. It was too complicated to make any sense of it. Raina opened her hand, which had a little paper crane in it. I opened my hand, and revealed the same thing. A small smile crawled up the side of her mouth, but it didn’t reach all the way across. It was weird to see someone try to hold back a smile. “I wanted to give this to you.” We traded cranes and compared our handy work. Hers was much better than mine, but we both knew it meant a lot. We were considered friends now, or at least that was what I was assuming.
“Come on, are we taking my car or yours?” Raina went over and tucked the paper crane in the windowsill. I told her that we could take my car, because I was the one paying for the movie. She insisted on paying for herself, because she said that this was not a date. I’d never known a girl to say no to a free movie, but that just seemed like the kind of person she was. Raina wasn’t one to accept charity in any form. She was very independent, and I found that refreshing. Molly was always so codependent when it came to things like this. She never wanted to do anything by herself. We settled on an action movie, and took two seats near the back. I wasn’t going to kiss her or anything, because she said this wasn’t a date. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her yet, because she’d only been here a few days.
“Hey,” She hissed as the movie was starting, “Why did you invite me here? What do you gain from this?” Her eyes were bright when the light reflected off of them. I shrugged. I had no idea why I’d done all of this. I hadn’t even given it a second thought since earlier.
”I don’t know…but how’s your jaw? Still hurt?” I reached out and touched the thin line where a branch had cut it open. She winced, and grabbed my hand.
“I’m fine. You don’t have to worry ok? It’s not like I haven’t been hurt before.”
“What does that mean?” Her eyes averted towards the screen, and she dropped my hand. A few seconds later she grabbed my hand again and squeezed.
“I don’t think you’d understand if I told you but…maybe another time.” Raina frowned, like she wanted to tell me, but couldn’t. She wanted to tell someone, but how would she ever go about it? She held my hand for the entire movie, and I never once bothered to pull away. Honestly, I didn’t want to let go of her hand. It still reminded me of the first day we met , when our fingers touched for a few brief seconds. We walked out towards the parking lot, but she refused to let go of my hand. She leaned up against my car, a bewildered expression on her face. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What would you think, if by the end of the night, we kissed?” Her eyes bored into mine, and I knew she was dead serious.
I shrugged and came closer. “Who said it had to be by the end of the night? What’s wrong with right now?” I asked.
“What are you saying?” Raina narrowed her eyes.
“I’m saying that I want to kiss you, do I have your permission?” I leaned down to her eye level, and her breathing was shallow. I touched her jaw again, but she didn’t flinch. She smiled shyly, and grabbed both of my hands.
“Yes.” She straightened up to kiss me. I pulled her closer as she tried not to laugh. “What is this? Why are we doing this?”
“Why not?” I kissed her again. She gave in despite her better judgment. I know that I said that this was the last thing I wanted to do, but being here, now, I changed my mind. I had no doubts as of right now. This felt right, no matter what anyone else thought. Raina pulled away from me, but just barely. Her eyes were just as bright as they were earlier, but there was no light around us. The leaves above our heads were casting shadows around us.
“What will everyone think?” She whispered, then kissed me again.
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I think you should know that by now.” I stepped away from her, running my fingers through my hair. She looked a bit defeated, but I had no clue why.