A Little More than Intuitive

All of this was making me a little tired. I turned the corner and stared at the doors of my school. Many kids sat on the front steps, and some were in the alley getting their last tobacco fix before class. It was the only place where the teachers standing outside couldn’t see them smoking on school property. But whatever, I didn’t smoke. I still had my music blasting in my ears when I sat in my seat. Keenan and Kyle came in shortly after that, and they sat next to me, one right in front of the other.

They both turned to me at the same time, and gave each other a knowing look. Kyle waved his hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I pulled my headphones out. “Hello you two.”

Keenan sucked in a breath. “Hello; Leyila, why don’t you join the rest of society and be bored as hell in first hour, hmm?” He asked. Kyle nodded.

I stretched a little. “Well, two reasons; one I think music is better company and two…because I don’t want to.” When I tried to put my headphones back in Kyle ripped them from my hands.

“Leyila, why don’t you talk to somebody new for once?” Kyle wrapped the cord around his hands, then couldn’t figure out how to get them off again. He started fiddling with it and his attention went off of me. Keenan however, stared at me with intent.

“Come on, how about,” He inhaled again while he glanced around, “him.” My eyes followed his and rested on a guy on the other side of the room drawing in a yellow notebook. I could tell it was something intricate, something super complicated. He tapped his finger against his pen. He seemed like the person that didn’t get out much, or hang out with other human beings for that matter. I considered myself less of a hermit than that; give me a little credit.

“Ok, just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you can team up against me.” I crossed my arms.

Kyle finally got his hands undone and held them up in surprise. Keenan scoffed. “Yes it does.” He said.

I took my headphones away from Kyle before he got his hands stuck again. “Who is he anyway?” I asked.

They both pondered that for a minute while I stared at them. Keenan snapped. “Soul…his name is Soul.” Kyle stole Keenan’s words. He sucked in another breath while I glanced over at Soul. His hair hung down in his face, and he was the average beautiful person. Why wasn’t he popular? Why weren’t girls all over him like in a normal society? The world around him never noticed him, and he never acknowledged it either. So why then?

“That’s a weird name.”

“Well so is Leyila, but we don’t go and say that behind your back now do we Kyle?”

“No we do not.” He agreed. I sighed and kept staring at this Soul kid. The guy was left-handed, which wasn’t too common nowadays. Everyone I’d ever known was right-handed. He seemed to realize something, because he got something out of his bag with light speed. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it was still strange. This kid was strange all around from what I could tell.

“Whatever guys, I don’t want to talk to him.” I shrugged them off, but I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. It never was with them. They were always persistent in whatever they were doing, even if it was a small conversation like this one. I’d be digging my own grave if I tried to get out of it, so I usually gave up. Not this time though.

“Go Leyila. What do you have to lose?” Kyle questioned.

I turned in my seat to face them, my eyes boring into their skulls. “You sure you want to ask me that?” Keenan suddenly shrank back, and I knew I’d finally won. The bell rang before they could answer. I turned off my phone and faced the front of the room. All the chatter went on as our teacher set down his things. He seemed particularly less cheerful today, just like the rest of us with low-paying jobs. If I had to be a teacher I wouldn’t be too happy either.

Creative writing was scrawled on the board with an almost dead Expo marker. The date was in the top right hand corner, since everyone seemed to forget what day it was. The question was repeated daily, and the answer was basically the same. The teacher scanned the room, and his eyes fell on me, and then flicked to Soul. It finally clicked.

Shit.

“Leyila, Soul, would you both come here for a minute please?” He asked. I sucked in a breath when Keenan smiled at me. I slowly scraped back my chair and made my way to the front. Soul was less enthusiastic than I was, or he just wasn’t paying attention I didn’t know which. “Could you two go hang these up for me while class is going? You have the highest grades in here, so I’m not worried about you missing class.”

“Um, weird request…but ok; I can roll with that. Does it matter what time we’re back?” I asked, trying to sound interested. When he shook his head I took the tape and flyers with Soul trailing behind me.

He didn’t say anything as I handed him stuff to hang up. There were little pen smudges on his hands from where he’d laid it on the paper. After he hung the ones up I gave him he kept one. Soul pulled out a pen and sat down. “Are you always drawing or something?” I asked, crouching down to his eye level.

“Are you always dressing like that or something?” He looked me up and down and his jaw twitched. I blinked, all the words sucked out of my mouth. I’d never heard him speak before. I sneered and walked off, trying to hide the fact that he’d caught me off guard. I heard him get up and follow me. When I looked out of the corner of my eye he was still drawing. Why would you do that while you walked? How could you do that while you were moving?

I turned to him and he stopped, like he knew I was going to do that anyway. He never had to look up. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?” I questioned. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious about the way I looked. My lip quivered as I stomped on the feeling, forcing it down my throat like the grape cough syrup no one likes.

He shrugged. “It’s really,” Soul tapped his pen, tilting his head to the side to check me out, “black.” Soul nodded; like he was reassuring himself that what he said was correct. It made me queasy, and I had the intense feeling to clock him and be done with it.

I scoffed. “At least I talk to people instead of being silent and boring.”

Soul finally met my gaze. “If I remember correctly you didn’t even want to talk to me this morning, let alone your twin friends.” He went back to staring at his paper, quickly flashing his eyes between it and me.

“You heard that, huh?” I hung up three more flyers, getting more creeped out as the seconds passed.

“I hear a lot of things, like how you didn’t even know my name before today.”
I sneered. “Whatever.” It was totally true, but I had absolutely no intentions of confirming his suspicions.

“You know,” he put his pen between his fingers and twirled it around, “you’d be a lot better looking if you didn’t have that constant expression of disdain on your face. I believe I deserve your respect.” He shocked me yet again. Why was this kid telling me these things? He didn’t even know me, and I would’ve been fine with it staying that way. Was I seriously that transparent? All I wanted was to put my headphones in and drown out everything there ever was. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to deal with Soul. I reached for my pocket but he grabbed my wrist. “That won’t make me disappear.” He smiled.

I looked down, like I had to see it to believe it. The feeling of his hand on my arm made me dizzy. “Sure it will.” I ripped away from his grasp when I started to see black spots.

“No Leyila, listen to your friends for once.” He hung up the flyer he was doodling on and walked away. When he turned the corner I ripped it off the wall to look at it. It was me with my headphones in. From his point of view, Keenan and Kyle were kind of in the way, but he could still see me. Looks like I wasn’t the only one watching a stranger that day.


I looked in the mirror before going to school that next day. I was thinking Soul was kinda right about the dark thing. So I went out in regular jeans and a band t-shirt. The all black thing was feeling too weird now ever since he said something. I was cursing myself because he didn’t even show up that day. Keenan did a double take. “Where’s the dark child garb?” He asked.

“Gone for today.” I explained what happened with Soul.

“Oh so you listened to someone for once? I think he’s changing you Leyila.” Kyle leaned down and smiled at me. I pushed his face away.

“Let’s go do something fun after school, ok?” They nodded and I went to my last class of the day: art. When I walked in Soul was sitting there, in his own world. As soon as I sat down next to him his concentration fell on me.

“No garb today I see…” He got his paintbrushes out and put them in order. Soul seemed so precise about everything he did. It made me think that he was a little bit obsessive compulsive. He noticed me watching him.

“No, apparently not.”

“You threw that flyer away yesterday Leyila.” The bell rang in the middle of his sentence. I tried to hide the surprise on my face while he examined me. I ignored what he said and listened to the instructions on what painting we were doing today. She said it had to be of one other person in this class. Someone you didn’t know very well or wanted to know more about. This one was easy; I chose Soul. I don’t really know why I chose him but, he seemed the most unique out of all the choices I had to work with. He and I arrived at the paint cabinets at the same time.
Shocker.

“Your choice?” I asked.

“There were many,” he chose to look at me for once, “but I chose you.”

“What a coincidence I chose you too.” I grabbed my paint and walked away. I heard him following me in that same way, elusive and quiet. His demeanor was kinda, weird. Something was always different with him, and I wanted to know what. When I sat down I reached for my headphones. A hand slid around my arm again.
“One class without it,” He said. I glanced over, and his expression was thoughtful. A little challenging too.

“Since when are you the boss of me Soul?”

He thought about my question for a minute, taking all the words in. Soul decided to ignore it and flip through his notebook instead. I saw him stop on one drawing in particular, another version of that drawing of me that was on the flyer. “This one,” he said quietly, “yeah.” He immediately got to work on his canvas sketching the outlines for his painting.

I shoved my headphones back in my pocket, even though all I wanted to do was shove them in my ears. He got the best of me again, and I couldn’t figure out why. I looked at him form this angle, and decided this was the perfect view to paint him in. I quickly drew the outlines so I didn’t forget what it looked like. “Hmm.”

He blinked rapidly. “I’m much better at drawing you than painting you…I realize that now.” I almost didn’t hear him because I was so distracted from staring at him.
“Isn’t that wonderful,” I groaned.
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I scuffed my feet on the boardwalk as I watched high tide approach. All my dark clothes were hanging on my skin after a couple days. I felt more like myself now. Music pounded my ear drums, another thing I’d missed. There was a museum I really wanted to go to today. I left a note on the counter saying I’d be gone all day. I did this every now and then, whenever I needed a break. I’d turn my phone off, and not hang out with any friends; just me.

I opened the doors to the museum and was met by wonderful pieces of art. So much metalwork and sculptures. I walked around for about an hour before I stopped to admire one piece. “Beautiful, yes?” He asked.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Are you following me?”

He seemed confused. “Why would I follow you? What would one gain from that?” Soul twirled a pen in his hand.

“Oh I don’t know a chance to talk to me?” I scoffed.

“I’m telling you, relax your face. It might get stuck like that.”

“Screw you Soul.” When I tried to storm off he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. We were suddenly chest to chest. The dizzy feeling came back ten times worse, I was afraid of throwing up on him.

“Hey,” he whispered, “calm down.” Soul released his grip, but I didn’t move. “I didn’t come here for you, I like museums. That’s the exact reason why people come here, to look at the creativity of other people.”

“So I’m supposed to think you’re telling the truth?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I pushed him away. “You’re unbelievable.”

“One conversation with me, then I’ll leave you alone Leyila.” I stopped walking and turned back to face him.

“Just one?”

“Just one,” he said
.
“Ok, so I have a question for you.” He said as he walked beside me.
“And what is that Soul?” I asked.

“Why do you push everyone away?” I leaned on the wood fence that lead out to the beach. Soul put his back against it and looked out into the street. The sun was high in the sky and cast a bright reflection on the water. It seemed bluer somehow, but I could see the darkness just below it. Everything about it was gloomy.

“I wouldn’t say that…” I tucked my bangs behind my ear, revealing the piercings all the way down it. I had tiny spikes in at the ends, which poked my skin a little. I’d gotten them spread out over two years, so my ears wouldn’t constantly be in pain.

“How would you say it then?” His eyes glinted in the light, making his appearance a little more ominous.

“I’m passionate about being alone.” I nodded after I said it, almost to reassure myself. Maybe I didn’t believe it when I said it.

“If you’re so passionate about being alone as you call it, then why are you still here having this conversation?” That question made my throat itch. I even poked my skin to make the feeling go away. I took out a spike and flicked the thin point as I thought it over.

“Well, good question. I think it’s only because you asked.” I pushed off the fence and began to walk again. I heard his pen click three times when he started to follow me.

“You think so? For once in your life do you think you can stop being so damn indifferent?”

I wrinkled my brow and turned around. “Indifferent huh? If I’m so damn indifferent then why don’t you leave me alone? Why don’t you just leave Soul?” I asked.
He stopped and returned my glare without hesitation. Soul wasn’t intimidated by me at all from what I could tell. “Stop running.” That was all it took to steal the words from my mouth once again. This was beginning to happen more often, and I didn’t like it one bit.


The painting was coming along, kind of. I took it home so Soul wouldn’t see it until it was done. I think he did the same, because he was working on a different painting of the ocean floor. I think it was supposed to depict fictional things in the ocean, like killer mermaids and Atlantis. She looked a little depressed to be honest, like she hadn’t gotten the chance to kill any pirates in a while. My mom used to tell me stories of a mermaid’s voice and a pirate who never came home, maybe that was what it was about.

Soul hasn’t really said anything to me in the past week, which didn’t surprise me. Who needs him anyway? I had all my friends and didn’t need his opinion one bit. Actually I found it a bit creepy that he drew me without my knowledge. I was thinking about doing the talent show, and practice was today after school so I headed to the choir room as soon as the bell rung. It was just me for today, so I set up my stool and pulled out a guitar. I tuned it for a minute, then began to play.
No one had ever heard me sing before so no one knew I had the talent for it. They had no idea that’s what I wanted to do with my life. Make music; be connected to music for the rest of my life. I began to sing a song by Coldplay that came out a couple years ago, the one about an overthrown king. It was a little strange on guitar, but I decided to go with it. I’d worked it out after a few days, so I was glad to play it.

I opened my eyes and Soul was in the door, watching me. I felt like I was naked, singing in front of the crowd, exposed. I placed my guitar pick back in my necklace. “What are you doing here?” I asked when I set down my guitar.

“You plan to pursue this? Singing?” He dodged my question.

“Yes, actually.”

“Am I the first person to hear you sing?” Soul clicked his pen.

I nodded. I had no clue why I was admitting anything to him, he was just another person. But then I knew that I was lying to myself. He wasn’t just anybody; there was something that made him stand out. Something...different. “I’ll ask again; why are you here?”

He stared at empty space for a minute, maybe thinking of his answer. I had no idea what he might say or do, he was just a ticking time bomb. My hand twitched, wanting to pull my headphones out and forget about Soul. Then it was like I lost all function in my arm; it wouldn’t move at all. When I glanced down at it it seemed like it was normal, but then I knew something weird was happening. “Is your arm all right?” He tilted his head to the side again, in that way of his that made me want to punch him.

“Yes.” I lied. How could he have possibly known that? Whatever this was, it wasn’t normal. He wasn’t normal by any standard. I felt him get closer, every step made me more nervous. I wanted to hide behind the piano, turn off all the lights so I could never be found ever. Lock the doors so no one could get in.

“Leyila, is that the song you’re going to be singing in the talent show? Because if it is I think you have it in the bag—“

“Why are you so weird? Just leave me alone! I don’t need anything from you ok?” I stood up from the stool with my limp arm hanging at my side. It hit the chair with a thud, but I didn’t feel it. All my nerves were clipped. I felt like it wasn’t even there anymore; I only had one arm.

He came one step closer. “What do you mean by weird? I’m acting completely normal.”

“You stay away from me Soul I—“When he touched my arm a shockwave ran down my nerves. The feeling was so painful I couldn’t scream. His hand didn’t move when I tried to pull away, he just got closer. Too close to be considered normal.

“Better?” He asked.

“You’re creeping me out Soul stay away—“ He drained the words from my mouth when he kissed me. That same shockwave ran all the way down my body, but I couldn’t pull away. Soul was there, anchoring me to the floor.

“I’ll be leaving now.” When he pulled away he bit his lip, maybe remembering what kissing someone felt like. I didn’t say anything as he left, just stared after him like an idiot.


“That’s crazy! Why did he do that?” Kyle was at it again with my headphones, only I gave him the ones I didn’t use. Lucky me.

“I have no idea, he just came in and we talked. Then my arm went numb so he grabbed me and then kissed me.” I shrugged. They both knew there was more to it than that, because the truth was I’d never kissed anyone before. I was too scary and cold. Although they knew, they certainly weren’t asking.

“He’s over there…go talk to him.” Keenan tapped my desk.

“I think he knows we’re talking about him…because he seems to know everything apparently...” I muttered.

“So that’s the crazy thing about him right? He’s really intuitive?” Keenan asked as he pulled my headphones away from Kyle. He frowned in disappointment.

“I guess so. I mean, it’s not like anything will come from this…right?” I kept my voice low, but I knew that he could hear me. It seemed like he could always hear me, know where I was all the time. I’d never told anyone that I was going to the choir room that day, not one person. So how did he know then? The mystery of Soul still wasn’t solved.

“Talking much?” Soul’s voice was right behind me, I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Yeah,” I turned, but there was no one there. I blinked a couple times, but nothing appeared before my blurry vision.

“Who are you talking to?” Keenan and Kyle were staring at me with a weird look they shared. It confused me when I turned back in my desk. I was going crazy, completely insane. I looked over at Soul, and he was drawing again; a sight that made my stomach turn by how much I wanted to go over there instead of just talking to an apparition of him. He made that face again, like he realized something he’d forgotten. When his eyes met mine all the air was knocked out of me. This was getting weirder and weirder.

A little later I went home in a daze, debating whether I needed to check myself into a mental institute or not. I pulled into the music store parking lot, feeling a headache swirl through my head. When I got in there I ran my hands over all the guitar picks in the section. There was a certain brand that someone told me about that doesn’t scratch the strings as much, so that’s what I came sear-ching for. I’d found it before but never bought it and now that I was looking for it it’d be the one time I didn’t find it.

“Looking for something?” A hand waved a gold flecked guitar pick in my face. I turned around so fast I almost fell over. A hand slid around my arm to steady me.

“What are you doing here? You’re following me again aren’t you?” I glared at Soul as he held the guitar pick over my head.

“I’m going to say no to that.”

“Whatever.”

“Hold out your hand, Leyila.” He motioned to my palm.

“What?” I asked.

“Do it.” I nodded and opened my palm slowly. He placed the guitar pick in my hand then closed it. Soul wrapped his hand around mine and didn’t say anything for a long time.

I decided to break the silence. “How did you know that I wanted this?”

Soul tilted his head, studying my face for a brief second. “You’re just so…intriguing. Oh and I just kind of knew…like I know everything.”

“I’m starting to think you’re more than just intuitive Soul. What’s up with you?” We were still so close I could feel his heartbeat. It was calm, steady. He wasn’t nervous at all.

“There are a lot of things, but I’d rather not talk about it in a music store.”

“Fine,” After I paid for the guitar pick we drove back downtown. “You’re a mystery you know that? The other day I…” My words evaporated.

“You heard my voice even though I wasn’t even near you? Yeah I know, weird.” He was saying it like it was a normal thing to hear voices even though that person was across the room; like it was normal that a total stranger is the one that’s closest to you.

“I did…actually. How did you know that?” As soon as I asked that I felt stupid, he knew everything. They were wrong when they said there was no such thing as stupid questions. Trust me there are, but people never ask them. They’re just floating in their brains, rotting their nerves.

“Again, I know a lot of things. Like how you got your painting done last week and you don’t want me to see it.” Soul clicked his pen that he always seemed to have on him. It was an artist’s pen, one that probably costs a lot more than the average pen. I’d never heard of the brand before, which was weird because I was an artist too. “These are the only kinds of pens I use for drawing. The others...smear.” He said glumly.

“Do you want to see my painting?” I asked quietly. He glanced over at me, a blank expression on his face. Blonde hair fell in his face as he thought about it.

“See your painting,” he repeated, like it was the first time he’d ever heard those words put together in the same sentence, “I don’t see why not. But that would involve me going into your house.”

“Yes.”

“And me going into your room…”

“I know.”

“And me looking at your things—“

“Ok ok! We’re going alright? I don’t care if you see my stuff or not.” I rolled my eyes at him and he nodded slowly. To this day I still think he was confused about it.


The stairs seemed endless as I drug my Converse-clad feet up them. I heard Soul’s tentative steps behind me, soft and shy. No one was home right about now; they were still on their way home from work. The bad idea I was having was suffocating me, wrapping itself around my neck like a python. I wanted to turn around and leave. This was a mistake, this was a terrible mistake. But then here I was, at my door. Turning the knob and inviting Soul in. Letting the most peculiar kid I knew into my room.

“That’s it over there, yes?” He motioned to the easel with a sheet draped over it. I didn’t answer for a minute, because I was still thinking about what I’d done.
“Yeah, look if you want.” I waved him off while I tried to calm my nerves. He didn’t move a muscle, just stared at me and clicked his pen.

Click. Pause. Click.

He came towards me slowly, unsure of what I might be feeling. His pen was in his pocket now, a rarity. I realized I’d never seen him without a pen between his fingers, how weird it was. Soul was doing that for me, putting his sense of normalcy aside to calm me. I turned my back to him to stare out the window. His hands snaked around my shoulders, and then I felt his mouth on my ear. “Are you calm?” He whispered.

“No.” I kept my voice low, even low there was no one else in the house. Soul came around in front of me, never breaking my gaze.

He pulled me to him then whispered in my ear again, “Now?” He asked me.

“Why are you asking me that?” He smelled like rain, making a chill zip down my spine.

Soul pulled away to stare at me, his eyes the palest I’ve ever seen. “I want to know.” A smile crawled onto his lips; I’d never seen him smile like that. It cracked the glass mask he had over his face, it made his sharp features softer.

“I’m better, yes.” I nodded and leaned my forehead on his. He didn’t move for a long time, and I began to wonder if this was right or not. I didn’t want to move though; I didn’t care if it was right or not.

“Hey,” he whispered. When I looked up he kissed me. The rush I felt was off-putting. I wanted it forever and yet, I wanted to run away from it and never look back.


It was suddenly weirder after that. People milled about in the school hallways, but I wasn’t so cheerful. Here I was, this guy was suddenly interested in me and I wasn’t happy. What is that? I should be jumping for joy, or as much as I can do that without everyone staring at me in disgust. They were scared of me anyway.
I walked into my first hour and Soul was already there. He was standing near his desk, sorting out papers. I stood in the doorway for a moment, watching his eyes dart back and forth between each paper. When his expression changed his eyes finally flitted up to meet mine. I smiled. “Weird…you shouldn’t watch people while they work.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Maybe you shouldn’t work where people are open to watch you,” I came over and slid in next to him, “what are you doing anyway?” My eyes widened when I saw all the drawings, one after the other. They were all so magnificent, they all told a certain story. I was mesmerized.

“Umm, well…sorting. Mostly, anyway. I figured I could put them somewhere, instead of having them all in the same book that I carry around with me.”
“That sounds nice. I never have the time to do that sort of thing.”

He suddenly stopped moving and gave me a sidelong stare. “You have time now Leyila.” He said. I returned his sidelong glance, but only briefly. I didn’t have any of my drawings with me, not right now. They were all in my room, smashed into a book on my shelf. There were a couple of those actually; they were the pages of a story. It didn’t really matter who or what was in them…they were just drawings.

“Maybe later.”

“Yeah,” I put my hand on one drawing, the one of me, “I’m surprised you still have this one.”

Soul clasped his hands together silently, and then glanced around at his drawings. His eyes didn’t fall on the one I was looking at though; they fell on his pen at the top of the desk. When he reached for it I grabbed it first. He gasped, then smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. They were magnificent, but not lit up like I’ve seen before. They were sad. “I’d prefer to have that in my hands…if you don’t mind.”

I scoffed. “Since when do you get to have this when you tell me I can’t have my headphones?”

“It’s a comfort.”

“It’s a dependency.”

“Who’s to say you’re not doing the same thing?” He asked.

“You’re the hypocrite here Soul! You specifically told me I couldn’t have something when you were doing the same damn thing,” I picked up my things and set down his pen, “you know what? I can’t do this right now.” I turned around and started to walk.

“Where are you going?” He questioned.

“I have to go.” My feet were moving as fast as they could but the door seemed so far away. I was never going to get there. He’d catch up to me and drag me back into the classroom. But he didn’t move an inch.

“Leyila, wait!” He called. When I went through the door Keenan and Kyle almost hit me on their way in. They just stared as I broke into a run.

I couldn’t do this anymore. What was I thinking in the first place? The bathroom was empty when I ran in there. My chest was tight as I leaned against the wall and hyperventilated. Panic spread through my body in a wave, paralyzing my legs first, then moved on up. I couldn’t move. My eyes leaked tears, the only way I knew was because they kept plopping onto the floor. One right after the other.

I didn’t know if I’d go back to class or not…but the odds rested on probably not. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the whole commitment thing. Maybe I didn’t want this. My breath started to slow and my heart began beating at a normal rate. I needed to calm the hell down. Why was I having a panic attack in the bathroom over Soul? This didn’t matter.

Something told me I was lying to myself, that I needed to go back in there and confront him. When I reached in my pocket I pulled something out that wasn’t there before. “When did this get in here?” I asked myself. When I unfolded it I saw an array of words on the page. I began to read.

Leyila,
I know you probably don’t want to talk to me now…since earlier. And you’re probably wondering how this got in your pocket or even how I knew that this would happen. Well, as I said before, I know a lot of things. I want to apologize for all of this. I might have been insensitive, and I’m as unsure of this as you are. I’m struggling with my own mind, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t even know why you noticed me at all. You were actually nice to me and didn’t call me strange. But that’s beside the point.
You’re not missing much in class right now; he doesn’t even know you’re gone. If you don’t want to talk to me I understand, I’ll leave you alone and stop surprising you everywhere you go. Keenan and Kyle ripped me a new one after you ran out and I said I had no idea what was wrong with you…and I realize how much of a lie that was. Maybe you’re just unsure of us. Anyway, that’s it I guess. Don’t bother to come to class…we’re accomplishing nothing.
Soul
P.S. There’s a pen in your pocket.

I looked down and surely enough, his pen was sitting there in my pocket. I wrote on the paper he gave me.

There’s nothing to be sorry for.

I knew there wouldn’t be a response but I felt better when I wrote it. A huge weight was lifted off my chest, and I could move again. I sat on the floor and laughed at the irony of it. Suddenly I heard the scratches of a pen on paper. I watched, horrified as words formed on the lines.

I think there is. You just don’t want to say it in order not to hurt my feelings.

I stared at the words for the longest time, wondering if I was seeing things. I rubbed my eyes, and the words were still there. This was so creepy. Was stuff like this supposed to happen? This had to be some kind of voodoo. I decided to write back just to make sure I wasn’t crazy.

Maybe we need to talk about this later…when I’m not in the bathroom recovering from a panic attack.

We could talk now; I got out of class to hang up flyers again.

I hopped up from my sitting position and practically ran out of the bathroom. He was down the hall, waiting for me. I couldn’t seem to get to him fast enough. When I finally got there I threw my arms around him, suddenly relieved. “Your heart’s beating really fast.” He whispered. He kinda laughed, or what I thought was a laugh when I pulled back and stared at him.

“I accept your apology…even though it seems totally ludicrous.” I kissed his chin because I wasn’t quite tall enough, even when I stood on the tips of my toes. Soul took the pen from his pocket.

“Give me your hand.”

“For what?” I asked.

“Just give it to me.” I did as he said. He took it carefully and turned it over, searching it for something. He shook his head and wrote a sentence right under my thumb.

I love you Leyila.

I stared at him in disbelief. My disbelief made me take the pen from and write in the same place on his hand.

I love you Soul.

His smile made me laugh. That made his grin even bigger. I’d never seen anyone smile like that before, not this happy. I’d never known anyone who had that kind of potential to be happy. “I don’t want to go back to class.” I leaned on him when he wrapped his arms around me.

“That’s ok.”


I stared in the mirror, checking that my outfit wasn’t too much. The sentence Soul had written on my hand still hadn’t come off and I really didn’t want to. My hair tumbled down my back in waves, it was my natural hair. I never wore it like that to school for some reason. My leather jacket was paired with a flowy shirt and I was done. It would be good enough for tonight.

The doorbell rang and I nearly fell on my face going down the stairs. When I opened the door Soul was clicking his pen and glanced at me mischievously. “You look…” He was at a loss for words.

“What?” I asked.

“You are so…beautiful.” My cheeks flushed bright red and he cocked his head to the side. He was making a point of checking me out to embarrass me. He shifted closer to me. “What’s the matter? Have you ever been told that before?” He questioned.

“It’s never come to mind.” I shrugged and the shoulder of my leather jacket fell down. Soul’s eyes widened and then he laughed. He held his side to keep from falling over. When I pulled it back up he composed himself, clearing his throat to let me know he was serious. A bouquet appeared from behind his back, which he held out to me. I took them graciously.

They were stargazers, my favorite. How could he have known that? He’d told me he knows everything lately, and after the thing with the note I was beginning to think he was right. “Are you thinking hard?” He leaned down to my eye level, looking at me like I was the only person in the world. Like I was the first girl he’d ever seen.


The wind started to get fiercer as we headed home, well to my house anyway. Soon after I felt a drop hit my lip, then another and another after that one. The trees billowed back and forth. I was starting to get worried that we wouldn’t make it back to my house safely. Soul stopped for a minute to look up at the sky. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

“It’s raining…” He blinked when a raindrop hit his cheek.

It started to pour five seconds later. We were already soaked before we took two steps. “What are you doing? Come on Soul.” I tugged on his sleeve but he didn’t move. I turned to face him. He finally met my gaze.

“You shouldn’t be out here, you’ll get sick.” He put his hand on my face, to try to keep it from getting wet.

“I should say the same to you. You were the weirdo looking at the sky for a few minutes.” I retorted.

He laughed. A sound that cut through the rain pounding on the sidewalk. “Good point,” his eyes followed the path down the street, “Where’s your house again?” He asked quietly.

I pulled away slightly and squinted, attempting to see through the rain. “3 houses down that way. Come on.” I ran away from him, sprinted as fast as my legs would take me.

“Oh come on that’s not fair!” I heard his footsteps pounding behind me, making me run even faster. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. I shoved my key into the lock with him quickly gaining on me. My hand was on the knob when his arms slid around me, preventing me from going in my house. “You lose.” He whispered.

“Damn.” I rested my head on the door.

We headed inside after that, soaking wet. I led him up to my room so I could find new clothes to put on. I put my leather jacket on the chair and opened my closet. He just stood by the door, speechless. When I turned back he didn’t have a shirt on, he was laying it beside my jacket. “Oh sorry, I hope you don’t mind I just…” He ran his fingers through his wet hair, smiling sheepishly. Soul didn’t seem to care at all that he was almost half naked in a girl’s room, and that I was the girl.

I turned back around to hide the fact that my cheeks were burning. “Hold on.” I ran out of my room and into my parent’s room. I quickly found a shirt and pants that would fit him fine. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the image of him shirtless in my room out of my head. I rested my temple against the closet door to get a hold of myself. My breath slowed, and I finally made my way back to my room.

He was standing in front of the mirror, his bangs pulled up between his fingers. There was a long scar running down his forehead. I saw the painful look in his eyes but he had no idea I was there. It didn’t even register to him. Suddenly he turned and saw me, his bangs falling over the scar in the process. Soul was horrified. What was the deal with that scar? Why hadn’t he told me about it before? And why hadn’t I noticed it?

I held out the clothes to him. “Here.”

He took them but never once returned my gaze. “I appreciate you doing this for me.” Soul’s tone didn’t match his words, not even a little.

“Why are you acting so weird? What aren’t you telling me?” I crossed my arms.
He didn’t say anything for a long time. The phone started to ring. When I looked away he slipped out of the room. I let the phone ring. I had to know what he was hiding before I was to talk to anyone else. I changed quickly and waited for him to come back in. “Why won’t you talk to me?” I asked as he came in.

“Why won’t I talk to you?” He repeated.

“Yes. What aren’t you telling me Soul?”

“I don’t think I should share that with you. Come on Leyila, we’re just now getting to know each other and I—“

“You don’t think I deserve to know where that scar came from. Am I that unworthy?” I asked.

His face twisted into disdain and confusion. “What are you even talking about? Have you lost your mind?” Soul’s voice was gradually getting louder. It was starting to scare me, to be honest. He started to notice and took and a breath, his composure masking his anger like a cloud.

“You can’t trust me.” I folded my hands together to keep my anger under control. It always seemed like I lost it more when Soul was around. And I had no idea why. We were polar opposites for all I knew.

“I didn’t say that Leyila—“

“But I can see it in your face.”

Whatever look he gave me I couldn’t read. I had no clue how to deal with it. How could I deal with all of this?