Should I Jump?

Prologue: Indecisive

         I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve given my all yet it’s not enough.  Should I surrender? Should I keep to myself? Why should I give in to others? The point of giving my best has been disregarded so many times. Regardless… this isn’t who I am. This isn’t me. I shouldn’t have to prove my worth. I shouldn’t have to resort to this. Yet, oddly enough it feels… right. Besides, no one is there to catch me. No one is there to be my saving grace.

         However, now I’m beginning to wonder why I don’t go ahead a jump… especially since I have no reason for this vessel to breathe… Should I? Just move an inch closer… that’s all it takes. It won’t hurt anyone. No one cares. Wow, I’m pathetic. You’d think being so alone would be enjoyable. That’s it… I can’t take it anymore.

          My blonde strips whip around, gliding through the air. Like a snake tasting its prey, they lick my face while the rocks below look enticing… like they are ready to embrace me. I close my eyes and I swear I hear my name being carried in the wind... Ambrosia. It can’t be. No one knows where I am… no one cares enough to come and save this broken vessel. Regardless, it’s too late now… Why won’t the thought of him leave my mind? Slowly I slide my feet a hair closer to the edge feeling the openness of the sky below me…

11 Months Earlier

“Ambri! Wait up!” The voice echoed across the freshly cut lawn as I walked to my car. I knew the voice and the feeling that rose up in my stomach. I didn’t turn around and yet I wanted to. The air was crisp and smelled of my mother’s flower garden. The sun beamed so brightly that even the blind would be capable of seeing. 

“Ambri, seriously wait!”

          I stopped in my tracks this time. I couldn’t ignore him forever. Not even if I wanted to. I slowly turned to see my neighbor jogging up to me and my blue mustang. I could smell his cologne from 10 feet away and his obscure locks fell perfectly against his shoulders while he came to a stop in front of me. The sun did his olive skin justice and his golden eyes were brighter than the sun. He towered over me by a good two feet and his attire always reminded me of someone who lived on the coast. It was his smile however that always caught my eye.

“Hey.” Flashing that pearly smile made my world spin.

“Hi Leighton.” His expression calmed at my response.

“I thought for sure you didn’t hear me because of your head phones, but I see you don’t have them in.” He raised his hand to my hood, only to drop it after while grinning.

“Uh yeah. Sorry about that. In my own little world.” Lying wasn’t always my best trait but at least it wasn’t far from the truth.

“It’s cool; I just wanted to see if I could ride with you to school since my truck took a turn for the worst.”

“Sure. No problem.”

“You’re the best.” Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as my memory captured his smile.

         My car wasn’t the best but, it ran. Surprisingly. It was a hand-me-down from my brother Liam. Of course I was always stuck with getting the crappy end of the stick while my parents always bought him new things. You’d think with us being twins it would be equal… but no. Never has. Never will.

         It was quiet in the car save for the radio with Coheed and Cambria playing, at least for a little while. Soon Leighton began singing along to their song Wake Up. I didn’t know he knew that song, it’s my favorite. His voice didn’t over power the singer even though I wanted it to. I should just face the facts. He’s too good for me.

“Hey did you finish the math homework?” Turning the music down to hear him better, I answered in a mellow tone. I wanted to talk so bad but unfortunately I wasn’t in the mood.

“Nope.”

“Hmm. You okay Ambrosia?” The way he said my name sent chills down my spine.

“Yeah I’m fine. I had a long night.” I really need to get better at this lying thing. Leighton was silent for longer than I thought he’d be and it seemed I could hear his heart beating through his chest. I was hoping he’d say something as I turned into Riverwood High school parking lot. Finding a spot was never easy and I hated being with my own thoughts. I must have searched for a spot for 10 minutes while Breaking Benjamin played through the speakers while on repeat. I wish he wasn’t silent yet, I couldn’t find it in myself to ask him why he asked if I was okay. I shouldn’t keep making him start all the conversations and he shouldn't be so damn caring.

“Ambri” there was a slight pause in his statement as I turned the car off. “Just know I’m here if you need to talk.” He grabbed his back pack and climbed out of the car. Before shutting the door however, he leaned in.

“See you after school okay? Remember I still need a ride. Of course, you could always make me walk home.” His tone playful I gave him a small smirk. With that, he left me with that gorgeous smile of his and I know for a fact I sat in my car day dreaming for twenty minutes.