Live and Learn

There was a time when I knew I was to become a legend.

Those were heady days. I was fourteen and knew pretty much everything.

You’re thinking I soon realized I didn’t know everything—but you’re wrong. Time passed and I confirmed that I did indeed know everything, and even things I didn’t know I knew I found out that I did know. Often was the night I lay awake wondering how and why the gods chose me.

Like I said…heady days.

I devised a sprinkler system for the people next door. Their land had a steep Southern California hillside angle to it that caused a runoff before water could saturate the soil of their property.

So, I built a windmill. Painted it a Robin’s-Egg blue.

Problem solved.

At sixteen I organized a company, filed it with the BBB, and the SEC and gave it a rather catchy name. I also hired a secretary with gigantic boobs, and later employed a family of nine non-documented brothers as manual labor.

Heady days, my friends.

I was, I knew, born to lead, to be rich, and to take what was my due. I could not yet vote, but I contributed heavily to the Republican Party and got a thank-you letter from none other than George Double-U himself.

After I married my secretary in Vegas in a short ceremony against my parent’s wishes and moved into a ranch-style single family dwelling with an above ground swimming pool in Van Nuys, I discovered that things were not as I expected.

I wanted to put in a pinball machine in the living-room.

My new wife said, no.

I said, what?

She said, "That's not how we do things around here."

I said, oh.

Strange as it seems, my parents might have been right, this one time.

300 Words-