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Rated: 13+ · Other · Action/Adventure · #1994127
Please review need feedback as this is my first ever story and I'm unsure of how I'm doing
Running, you have to keeping running. Stop for a second and you're dead. Look back and you're dead. Just keep running. I turn left, panting, I can hardly breath. I look up. The gateway is still open, but it is closing. My time is scarce, I have to think fast. He is closing in. That's when it hits me. My sword! I pull back, and throw with all the strength I can muster. It misses, landing short of the gateway. I have to keep running. I sprint with my remaining energy, towards the gate. Nearly there! Then everything goes black, I can't get up my body is cold and numb. I try to move but I can't.. as if I am stuck down with glue. I... this is nice; relaxing... maybe I will rest for a bit. Yes that sounds nice.

You are probably wondering what on earth just happened, well I am here to tell you that our world is in grave danger. Look let's just start from the beginning. I am Evangeline Dieter, and this is my story.

The bright rays of sunlight snook through the curtains, lighting up the dingy room. She stirred, slowly sitting up in bed, Yawning; grabbing for the curtains to pull them open and flooding the room with light; squinting she got up, padding out to the bathroom to wash. When she returned to there was toast and Jam waiting on her desk with a note. It read “Enjoy your breakfast Evangeline, I have to pop to the shops. L.O.L mum *Heart*” shaking her head, she took a bite, switching on the radio. When finished eating, and boy was her mums toast the best, she threw on her denim shorts and pink T-shirt just as Lola rung the door bell. Running downstairs she swung open the door. “You ready ?” Lola, a blond shrip of a girl, asked. She had her bike as the two where to go to the beach today. “Of course !” Evangeline chirped in response, going to grab her own bike from the shed.

They cycled for a good hour before reaching the beach. It was beautiful. The sky was a bright shade of blue, the sea a crystal turquoise. Lola had already thrown her bike to the side and was wading about in the water, the loon!

“Come on in the waters fine!” She called back to Evangeline. Leaving her bike next to her friends she walked over to the sea. Everything started to fade the sky had suddenly clouded over. Evangeline dragged her eyes down from the sky to the sea, it was no longer a lovely turquoise but a dusky grey. Piercing screams pulling her back to reality, looking up, searching for the source. Lola! A dark figure had arisen from the murky waters, it stood about eight feet high bending in the middle to wrap its enormous twig-like arms around Lola's tiny figure. Its huge hands smothering her as she flailed against its hold. Evangeline froze watching the creature, waiting for its next move... though it never came. It simply stood, staring straight back at her; analysing her as if waiting for something.

Cautiously she stepped forward, making sure to keep eyes on the creature at all times. The thing stayed completely still, but didn't loosen its grip on Lola. That was until she was little more then arms length away, when the creature began to sink back into the mirth taking Lola with it.

“No!” Evangeline cried in unison with Lola's screams; Lunging forward into the water. Though rather than descending into the freezing abyss, she found herself tumbling through velvet clouds down towards a vast array of deep greens and blues. Which could mean only on thing. A rainforest.

“What the hell is a rainforest doing underneath the ocean?” Evangeline queried, soon realising their was more important things at hand. For one, how was she going to land! Mud. In mud was the answer to that. Her new shorts were ruined, great! She had bigger problems to worry about though, she was sinking! This wasn't mud it was quick sand!


Just when she thought she was done for a gloved hand reached out to her. By now she was neck deep in the sticky substance, therefore couldn't reach for the hand.

“Do you have a death wish child?” A voice came, a mans by the sound of it. Considering she couldn't see any higher than this persons ankles, brown boots that laced up as far as she could see.

“I can't move.” She croaked, earning a sigh from the other.

“Don't be dim, yes you can.” He retorted simply. Was he blind... she was up to her neck in quick sand, how was she supposed to move.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I'm kinda stuck here” She said.

The man scoffed “Well obviously, why else would I be trying to help you. Now take my hand.” He said bluntly.

“Look, I don't know what your game is but I am going to sink if you don't come up with another way to get me out. I can't move, Look!” She snapped in annoyance, going to move her arm. To her surprise, her arm came free.

“What the..”
“See, I told you, you could do it” The man said pulling her free from the sand. She could get a better look at him now. A scruffy looking mane falling just above his shoulders, half hiding an unshaven face. He wore a creamy coloured shirt that looked to ha been white originally, a long brown leather coat over the top of that. Skin-tight slacks that laced up at the front, which where tucked into the never-ending boots, which actually ended at his knees.

“Who are you .. and how did you know I could do that, I didn't even know” She demanded.

“My name is Jenson. And, why my child every body knows who you are!” He said somewhat bemused.

“E-everyone?” she queried “Who is, everyone?”

“Come, it is not safe to talk out here. I will explain everything once we get to cover” He said holding out his gloved hand. Evangeline took it, she didn't know why. This strange man had only just met her, and was insisting that he knew her... and she was following him. Truth be told, she honestly had no other option.
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