Kickstarted into Honesty

Kickstarted into Honesty

Maybe I was in kindergarten or perhaps first grade.  I don’t remember clearly.  But I know I was a LITTLE kid.  In fact, I don’t remember the event itself except as it was later told to me by my mother. 



I do remember feeling things to which I couldn’t attach labels.  Later I would have called the feelings guilt and maybe shame.  I knew in my little gut that I’d done something wrong.  I felt like a Bad Girl and I didn’t like the feeling.



My mother was upset.  She marched me back the few blocks to the small neighborhood store from which I had picked up a nickel candy bar (things were cheaper then) and taken it home to eat without paying for it.  I’m not sure I even knew you were supposed to pay for things.  I only knew my Mommy was not happy with me and that made me feel terrible.  I’m sure I cried all the way to the little store as my mother held my hand and probably spoke to me about ‘being honest.’  What does honesty mean to a small girl?  Mom may even have told me I stole the candy bar.  Is the concept of stealing meaningful to a small child?



When we got to the store, my mother explained to the man at the cash register what I had done.  She nodded to me and I, dutifully, and probably tearfully, apologized for taking (perhaps she made me say stealing) the candy bar and handed him the nickel from my sweaty little fist to pay for the item.



I don’t remember what the storekeeper’s response was, what my mother said or how she felt, or even how I felt.  I remember knowing that I never wanted to feel that ‘bad’ again.  If being honest was important to my mother, I would be honest – whatever that meant.  Clearly it meant you don’t take something from a store unless you pay for it.  That lesson came through loud and clear.  To my knowledge I never again intentionally took an item from a store without paying.  I had been kick-started into honesty.