The Inner Musings of Me

7/7/14



I guess this could be classified as a journal.  One that contains some of the thoughts that circle in my head every night preventing me from losing myself to the blissful death that is sleep.  Not that death is the word to use in this instance, I have absolutely no with to die, but who will stop me? It sounds better than saying the blissful nothereness that I wish to have in my life for six hours a day.

 

I often feel that while I'm here, I'm not here, or at least not meant to be here.  But the where I should be is an unknown. I'm sure I'm not the only one with that problem, but the world revolves around me.  I hear my thoughts, I feel my feelings, the air around me supply my lungs with oxygen, when I'm hungry, it is my body that tells me so. I guess that I shouldn't say the world, but instead my world.  Sometimes my world's reality melds perfectly with the realities of everybody else's world.  Sometimes my world contains elements that no other worlds have. The thoughts and voices of elements seem to fit seamlessly into my world.  There are times I am me, but not.  There are times when wings, claws, or magic are apart of me just a surely as my heart is. There are times when part of me goes missing. 



I hope this doesn't sound like I'm crazy.  I'm not crazy, not delusional, on drugs or anything of the sort.  Maybe somehow I've lost the ability to accurately asses my reality.  Or maybe I gained it?  Isn't everything open to interpretation? Maybe somehow in my rearing, I found a way not to conform and interpret the world as I see fit.  Who is to tell me what I am doing or feeling is wrong? They are the wrong ones, as it is not their worlds that they are dealing with but mine.  I guess I should take the time to welcome you to my world.



Welcome!



Let me stop with the slight randomness of the above paragraph.  I know better, though most times I chose not to employ him. Or her, seeing how I am a girl.  Or princess really.  At least that I what I was named after. Princess Ariel.  If you decide to write me, it is more than acceptable to address me as that.  But I guess I'm ahead of myself. Maybe I need to write something comment worthy before believing that I will have loyal followers addressing me as Princess. 



A little more on my world:  The sky is mostly always the picturesque blue that everyone else sees, and the grass it the same green that everybody agrees on, the world has days that get bathed in light from the sun, and the nights when the moon steals the light for its own illumination.  In the place that I live people speak American English, and hardly anything else. In this world I'm comfortable-ish. Like I've borrowed someones. finely made tailored outfit. It material is phenomenal and the cut is superb, but it wasn't made for me. 



This world is what I've known my entire life- not that that's long I've yet to make a quarter century.  This world is not going to change quickly enough for me to lose my balance and not understand what's going on. The people are mostly predictable and so is most of the world around it.



Though I shouldn't say that. Of all my years I've never really been to interested in the world around me.  I wish I was but in depth things don't interest me.  Is it a fault created by me and my upbringing, or is my brain not wired to care?  Mayhapps this world is, at this point in time not something I need to go in depth on. Except the human body.  What a wonderful invention! So lovely, strong, and versatile! I've been spending years learning what we currently know about it.



In this world I have the female reproductive parts.  I, as I hear it, came into the world as most humans do.  My mother gave birth to a "normal" human with two eyes, ears, lungs, arms, legs, and whatever else most people have two of.  My heart beat was strong, and my immediate post born colored eyes, a dark green, finally changed to an expressive brown more acceptable to the African American community to which I was born.



What I came to find as I aged was that the world, or at least my world contained secrets, and well while I might not be interested in hows and whys of the world and all of its inner workings, I do love to know some of its secrets. 



While I would love to continue on tonight with the differences of my world;s reality, this writing has done what it needed to do, and this one is ready for bed. 

More in the future,

Ariel