Philosophy 101

PHILOSOPHY 101

CHAPTER  1

      Some first thoughts. ( dont know why but I usually attribute most of my 1st thoughts to year number 4 of one of my lives).

Infinity: I was learning arithmetic, fascinated by numbers. One day I decided I would write down all the numbers.  In order!  I dont remember how long I worked on it, at the time it seemed like forever - Most of my life after I was small again, (to be explained soon).  I finaly gave up and had one of my first AH! HA! moments. I would never finish writing down all the numbers!  There was no end to numbers (there still isn't)!  Numbers go on forever. Every time I wrote down a number I could then write down another one!  Forever!!  Infinity,(I didnt know what to call it then).  I was in a big hurry to go and tell my mother about this discovery.  I was kinda crushed when she told me I was wrong.  She said I would have to quit counting when I died. Hunh??  What?? Luckily I didnt know what she meant.  Even if I did I wouldnt have believed her.  Remember kids! Dont believe most of what your parents tell you.  (OK parents) But remember kids!  you still have to do most of what your parents tell you to do. (Crap).

After the interlude we start on communication.

A little interlude to jump forward and talk about infinity some more.

    A child's thoughts about infinity.  Thinking maybe I was about 10.  I read the Incredible Shrinking Man.  I couldnt bear for it to be over. I felt that way and feel that way about most books I read ( handy that I can use that word for both read and read).  I couldnt understand how he was shrinking.  Not why he was shrinking, but how. Over a long period of time he kept gradualy getting smaller, not shorter, but smaller.  It was insinuated, at least to me, that when he was small enough he wouldnt 'be' anymore.  When he was half as big would he only 'be' half as much?  He met people as he was shrinking and some were only half as big as he was originally,  and were now the same size.  Maybe they were  shrinking too and used to be as big as him?  Is the little person getting bigger?  smaller? is anything changing?  and if so what is changing?  Me? Him? The world? Reality? Well, anyway, The incredible shrinking man kept shrinking, and for some reason, I dont remember why, he determined that he was shrinking 1/8th of an inch a day, and that when he was 1/8th of an inch tall he wouldnt be there the next day.  Well- - -Astounding!  I couldnt imagine what 'not being there' meant.  I didnt know what he meant by 'there'.  In the book?-In the basement where he was hiding?-In his own head?- In my head?  And what does 'being' mean?  Guess he meant him being - but what does him mean? guess he has to define that for himself so I would have no hope of knowing.  He didnt know what it would be like if he wasn't there anymore because he didnt know what he was (my interpretation).

    Well anyway, the last day went by -  yep he was stil there, just like I knew he would be.  And I was so excited to find out what was going to happen.  The incredible shrinking man just looked up the next morning, after he shouldn't be there anymore, not all that surprised or emotional or anything, and saw maybe stars or holes in the little piece of sponge he was wearing, or something, and then I dont remember, he probably said something philosophical.

      As I mentionaed, I hated for the book to end - this wasnt good enough for me - I had to finish the story.  I couldnt imagine that whatever he is or was, or what I am could ever disappear!  So what would happen if he kept getting smaller?  Even after no one could see him?  Simple - he would just fall betwen the molecules and atoms - till he was in a subatomic universe - with nuclei as planets - gazing at the electrons in the heavens - shrinking and shrinking - down, down, down - through all the tiney 'pieces' of matter.  It never even ocurred to me that the shrinking had to stop.  It never occurred to me that he wouldnt 'be' anymore. Of course when I was 10 I had this all written down in a story.  I wish I could find it now.  It might make a nice chapter in my book.  My story didnt stop there  though.  What if he kept getting bigger?  No problem!  I could see the real big 'what is' as analgous to the real little 'what is'.  I never could see a 'what isn't'.  People thought I had a good imagination.  I still dont know what imagination is supposed to be.  Mybe it has something to do with God.  Maybe people who believe in God, who can't understand the way things really are, call it my imagination when I am explaining to them the way things really are.  Well anyway, he kept getting bigger and bigger 'til he was standing on galaxies made of stars.  My story ended when his world was the universe and he was looking at a scintillating cosmos of infinite universes.

    In a nutshell, I taught myself that infinity goes in both directions. I also picked up a whole bunch of tiney littles grains of stuff that swelled into great big things.  Infinitesimal seeds that grew into realities.

Now - back to some first thoughts of a 4 year old

Comunication: I hear that many schools aren't teaching cursive writing anymore. They must have been listening to my mother.  N0 - that's not fair- my mother did believe in teaching everything - just doing it her own way. Her way was the right way - the only way - anyone who didn't do it her way was stupid.  But she kept telling me I was sooo... intelligent - a brilliant 4 year old - and I knew I was a brilliant 4 year old - because she told me and she was always right.  And she told me that everyone thought I was a brilliant 4 year old - my mind scintilating like a star in the heavens - glowing with future revelations, (my words, not hers, just her convictions).  So why did she laugh at me?  When I was 4 I taught myself to write.  I was practicing printing and decided it was too slow so I started experimenting with cursive. I wrote a page.  I dont remember now what I wrote, but I do remember that it was extremely important to me at the time.  I proudly showed it to my mother and she laughed at me!  I asked her to read it back to me and she laughed again! I was astounded!  I thought for sure she could read!  Maybe I wasn't so brilliant if she is the one who thought I was so brilliant and she cant even READ!!  She told me it was just squiggly lines!  I knew what it meant but she couldnt read!!  I decided that communication was difficult.  And it got worse!  I started stuttering, not wanting to communicate at all - while still wanting to communicate so much that my heart was breaking - the first glimmers of expresive aphasia. The glimmers turned into fires of conviction that the lack of communication was not in me but out there!  The words were really not there for what I wanted to say.  As I grew, got older, and increased my vocabulary the words still weren't there.  An infinity of definitions and no way to express my ideas. Then more agony - people started telling me that I had to think in pictures or words - I must be doing it wrong because I was thinking in thoughts - my brilliant ideas - they aren't really there because they are just thought, not pictures or words.  Then where are they - they must be some where? "No, I'm sory, they are just delusions."  What?  What are delusions?  "Things that arent really there."  So they are really someplace else?  I have a purpose in life now!  I will find out where delusions really are!

Definitions: Imagination - what adults call the things they used to KNOW when they were kids.  Adult - people with no more imagination.

TIME: When I was 4 I remembered stuff.  I remember that I remembered stuff.  I remember that back then I didn't remember the difference between remembering the past or remembering the present or remembering the future.  When I got older somebody explained to me that what I was doing wasn't really remembering at all.  I dont remember what they said I WAS doing!  I just remember that I doubted they new what they were talking about. "Dont blame me if I have a bad memory". 

      When I was 4 I had very distinct memories of when I was 'big'.  I think I remember very real memories of being an adult and living as an adult in very full lives.  I dont remember if these were memories of the past, present or future.  (I have since realized that there is no diference.  See! I AM finding out where the delusions are).

Definition: Delusion - Things that some people know that they haven't been able to convince other people of yet.

      Well you can imagine my mother's reaction when I told her about when I was big.  She encouraged my imagination but discouraged my belief in my imagination.  She would grow angry When I insisted that she was wrong.  I knew my imagination was real.  The 'stuff' in my imagination was real - the ideas in my imagination were real.  My imagination was in my mind.  My mind was real.  And all of this was TRUE!  No matter what my mother said!

Definitions: Imagination (alternate definition) - What some people know that other people dont believe.  Reality - everything that 'is' and everything that's true.  Truth - Reality.

Chapter One is Done