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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #2000810
Santa takes a vacation ... almost. Day 1, Christmas in July.
Ho-Ho-Homeward Bound

Merry looked up at the sound of the door opening. “Wipe your boots,” she ordered, “I’ve just mopped the floor.”

Santa opened his mouth but was immediately stopped.

“And don’t you dare ‘ho-ho-ho’ me,” she smiled as he clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “No ho-ho-ho and no snow, snow, snow on your flo’, flo’, flo’.”

“You’re ho-ho-hopeless,” she muttered, returning to her computer.

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked, coming over to the desk.

“It’s July, Kris. I’m looking for ideas on where we can go for vacation this year.”

“Some place south, I hope?”

Merry chuckled. “Really? From here, everywhere is south!”

“You know what I meant. Sunshine, warmth, sand, and sea.”

“Well, I guess that takes Santa Cruise off the list.”

“You sleigh me,” he laughed.

“Let’s not get started,” she warned although her face said otherwise. “I was thinking of Santa Barbara, in California.”

“Are you complaining about my beard again?”

“Bar-bar-a, not barber, you silly goose. It’s a retirement community on the ocean. We won’t stand out because we’re older and it’s California; they’re used to odd folks,” she grinned.

“Sounds perfect! Pack your bikini and muʻumuʻu; we’re going to California!”

He froze, pierced by her icy stare. “Ohhh,” he laughed, “that’s m-u-u m-u-u. It’s a kind of dress they wear.”

“I hope for your sake, they do!” she warned.

The next morning, Merry showed up all packed wearing a thick parka and sporting a leather flying helmet with goggles.

“What are you doing?” asked Kris, walking around her.

“It’s an open sleigh. It gets cold,” she snapped.

“Ho – ho,” he started but cut it short after seeing her frown. “Didn’t I tell you? I have a better way.”

“What do you mean, ‘better way’.”

“I just touch the side of my nose and whoosh, we can be anywhere I think of.”

“I thought that only worked on chimneys.”

“I did too but I accidently sneezed last week and ended up in a mall in Michigan,” he laughed. “Grab those bags, honey, and hold my hand.”

WHOOSH

The first thing Merry noticed was that they were standing outside the Sea Breeze Motel and it was hot. She turned to Kris then and said, “Wait a minute. Why were you thinking about a mall in Michigan?”

“Gnarly, dude. That was so bitchin’!”

Both Kris and Merry jumped. Turning, they saw a skinny guy with long bleached hair rubbing a waxy substance on a board.

“I beg your pardon?” asked Kris.

“Naw. It’s gratis,” the surfer said. “You checkin’ in?”

“Yes, young man, we are,” answered Merry.

“Cool beans. Follow me. I’m Dwayne.”

“And I thought reindeer were hard to understand,” Kris muttered as he picked up the bags.

Inside the office, Dwayne climbed behind the counter and flipped his hair back so he could see. “You got rez’s?”

Kris stared blankly. Merry jumped in. “It’s under the name of Kringle.”

Dwayne typed in the name with one finger. “Downer, dude. You’re not supposed to be here until next week.”

“I made the … rez’s myself. I’m sure they were for today,” Merry said.

Dwayne double checked. “Nope. Sorry. We’re booked full until next week.”

“What about another hotel?” asked Kris.

“Sorry. The Huntington Beach Pro-am is this week. You won’t find digs ‘til you hit Frisco.”

Merry patted Kris on the shoulder. “Don’t be upset, Papa. Now that transportation is so easy, we can come back. Let’s go home.”

Dejectedly, Kris led Merry outside. With a big sigh, he said, “Okay. Home it is.” Just before they whoosed away, Merry heard him say, “but next time, let’s go someplace where they speak English.”



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An entry for Day 1, "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.
Prompt: It's the middle of July, and Santa decides to go on a little vacation with Mrs. Claus. Where will they go? How will they get there? What happens while they are there?
Word Count: 609
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