The Ugly Kitten

The Ugly Kitten

He snatched me up with a brutal force.  I was almost relieved to be thrown into the dark burlap bag because it freed me from the clutches of his suffocating grip around my tiny body.  It was black and scary in the bag, but at least I wasn't alone.  There were plenty of others.  They were all crying and clawing for their previous freedom.

Mama warned us about the very bad human.  He collected kittens for sport and not for love.  I heard him laugh, but it didn't bring happiness like the children's giggles would when they held me and tickled my chin.  And then it happened.  The mewing darkness of the bag that held me suddenly became a screaming brightness.  He had lit our burlap womb on fire.

***

I don't know why my Maker decided to let me live while the others died, but I was too sad to be thankful for it.  Several humans had tried to nurse me back to health with kindness but it was too late, the ugly had taken over.

The ugly in my heart had been planted by the cruelty of the very bad human.  The ugly had been watered by bitter tears of haunting memories that would never fade.  The ugly of the scars on my little burned body and my hairless scalp would also never fade.  No one would want me, but it didn't matter because I no longer wanted anyone either.

***

On adoption days all the other kittens would be bursting with excitement.  They would bat their stuffed mice and plastic jingle balls with crazy fervor.  They would purr and rub their heads under the small hand of a wanting child at just the right moment.  They knew how to play the adoption game.  But my faith in even these small visiting humans was too tarnished to want to try.

One morning of adoption day a tiny amount of warmth covered me briefly as two fellow kittens came over to my lonely corner and sat on either side of me.  I had not befriended anyone here yet.  I couldn't let my guard down for a human, but maybe, just maybe I could for a fellow kitten.

"Are you sure this will work?  Why don't we just run around like crazy playing with our toys like we usually do?"

"This will work.  Look how ugly he is.  We are bound to get adopted when they look in here and see us on either side of him.  He makes us look so much better."

They didn't want to be my friend.  They just wanted to take advantage of my ugly, which made me feel that much uglier.  I couldn't blame them.  It was a full proof strategy.  Who would want this battered, torn, hairless head kitten when you could have these other two perfectly whole ones?  No one, that's who.

***

"That one.  I want that one."

"Are you sure honey?  What about those other two?"

"Nope.  That one.  I want him."

At first I thought I was the butt of yet another human joke like all the other ones I tried to ignore.  But I let our eyes lock for the briefest of seconds, and then I knew - she really did want me.  But why?

Her warm lap enveloped me like my mama's soft, furry belly used to when I was a baby.  Her tiny hands were gentle as she petted me the whole car ride home.  Her eyes were filled with glittering sunshine and kindness.  Even still, I could not love her.  My ugly heart was irreparable.

Or so I thought, until she whispered these words in my charred ear...

"I chose you little kitten because I can see what everyone else cannot.  I can see your hope even though it is tiny right now.  I can see your light even though it is dim right now.  And I can see your beauty even though it is covered by your sadness right now.  You are beautiful my sweet kitten and when I mix my courage with your beauty we will take our little world by storm one person at a time.  You just wait and see little kitten.  Wait and see."

As quickly as that very bad human's hand had snatched me into darkness this young girl's words had delivered me into a soft, warm light that I could not ignore or resist any longer.  Her belief in me had started to erase my ugly one scar at a time.  I could feel my ugly falling off of me like scales from a past life.  It was the beginning of something I had only vaguely remembered until this point.  It was love.

***

"It looks like you found the ugliest kitten in the world."

I heard the boy laugh just like the other very bad human my mama had warned me about.  It was a laugh rooted in meanness.  I immediately wanted to run away, but my girl wouldn't let me.  She just whispered, "Wait and see little kitten.  Wait and see."  So I did.

"Do you want to hold him?  You can hold him if you want."

"Why would I want to hold that thing?"

"Well I just thought you might because he has magical powers."

"Oh yeah, like what?  What can he do?"

"He has the power to give you whatever you need."

"I don't believe you.  You're lying."

"Just hold him and wait and see."

"Fine, give me the stupid kitten."

I couldn't believe my girl was handing me over to this mean boy.  I didn't want him to hold me.  I didn't want him near me.  I was terrified.  What was he going to do to us once he found out I don't have magical powers and she was lying?  I tried to squirm my way out of this craziness, but she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Wait and see little kitten.  Just wait and see."  And so I did.

"You're so full of crap.  Nothing is happening.  Here, take him back."

"Of course nothing is happening.  You have to believe.  You have to hold him for a full minute, look him in the eyes and believe.  Just try it."

"This is so stupid.  Fine.  Time me."

As the boy looked into my eyes and I was forced to look into his I could feel the ugly in his hands melt away.  He began to rub me with one of his fingers and I surprisingly began to purr.  Then our minute was up.

"Ok, I admit it, he is cute and sweet, but he isn't magic.  He didn't give me anything I wanted."

"I didn't say he could give you what you wanted.  I said he could give you what you needed.  And he did, I saw it."

"Oh yeah, what was that?  What did he give me?"

"He gave you a smile and you really, really needed one."

The boy was quiet for a moment.  Then he finally spoke up.

"What does he give you?"

"Courage."

The boy was quiet again before his next question.

"Would it hurt him if I petted his head where the hair is missing?"

"No, it won't hurt him.  He likes it."

"Are you sure?  I just don't want to hurt him."

"I'm sure."

"How are you sure?"

"Just wait and see."

And I watched my sweet smiling girl take her wig off to reveal the bald head that I snuggled up next to every night when we went to sleep.  And then I watched that mean boy lose all his ugly.

She rubbed her head with laughing fingers, "See, it doesn't hurt one bit."

The boy put his head down before speaking again.

"I see it now."

"What's that?  What do you see?" she asked with a smile as bright as the sun.

"I see his magic, your courage, and my smile.  Thank you."

If I had not been there to see it for myself I never would have believed it.  My magic, her courage, and his smile really did take my previously dark and hopeless world by storm.

Sometimes the other kittens still make fun of me, sometimes other humans do too.  I just hold my hairless head up high because I know something they don't know yet.  I am the beautiful, magical kitten and just haven't had a chance to give them what they need yet.  But I will, just wait and see.