The Last Sermon

The last time I listened to a Christian sermon was at our local Methodist church. My wife was raised Lutheran and I was a recovering Catholic. We joined a local Lutheran church but were disappointed in the lack of true fellowship. Most folks just did not come out of their comfort zone and make us feel at home. We volunteered for every social event and after a while seemed to run any and all affairs the church came up with. Still, we felt our kindness and friendship were not reciprocated. I just figured it was because we were the new Christians in a small town and would never totally assimilate with the rest of the flock.

We then joined a Methodist Mega-church which seemed all right. They seemed very socially conscious and progressive. The music was great, the services were televised, and they had food and drinks during the service, yeah, during the service, and overall offered an exciting atmosphere for worship. However, they were so big there was no sense of community and we felt kind of lost. After a year we just drifted away.

Before we joined this little church, our third in so many years, my wife wanted to know what we were getting into so we asked to interview the preacher. We took him and his wife to a local restaurant after Sunday service. During lunch my wife asked about Methodist beliefs, specifically, his beliefs. The preacher explained his beliefs and most weren’t foreign to what we were taught. He also told us where he studied, how he and his wife met, what they did in their spare time and how they had fun. I liked him. We joined in with the jocularity and explained ourselves from stem to stern. We told them both how we were raised, where we were raised, what we expected from life, how we came to this church and what we wanted from it.

I included the fact that I was not a religious man, barely believed in a God at all so had doubts that any religion could sustain my soul, and I was just fine with that. I liked to cook for crowds, was good at it and not shy about sharing. I said I did not like public prayer, did not enjoy bible verse and found bible thumpers to be boring and uneasy folk, but liked them just fine. The preacher looked kind of overwhelmed but in a friendly manner made only one request of me, not to heckle his sermons during the service but speak with him afterward. I agreed. My wife explained that we’d belonged to many churches but heard him preach at a Boy Scout service and were impressed. She liked his message and felt comfortable spending our Sundays listening to more.

Based on this tenuous meeting we joined the United Methodist Church somewhere in Ohio. As we attended services I realized quite a few of the folks there were to my liking. These people were local farmers, factory workers, small businessmen, entrepreneurs, and the kind of people I respect. I enjoyed their company during that hour each Sunday morning and would for the present forgo the additional sleep. Many of the congregants we knew for years so we were treated well from the get go.

The last sermon I listened too happened during a special service just before Easter. I remember the church was well lit for early Spring and it was real sunny and warm. The sermon was about Heaven. The preacher spoke of a place which sounded a lot like a country club. He said, “You can eat all your favorite foods, any food you like, as much as you want and never get fat or sick. Eternity will be abundantly happy and you can walk with Jesus throughout the eons. This struck me as funny and I watched the rest of the congregation just sit there staring at the bright stained glass just kind of dream like imagining this gastronomic utopia.

After the service we walked out front and there at the stairs was preacher shaking hands and wishing everyone a blessed Sunday. As I approached he took my hand, stared me in the eye and said “well, what did you think of my sermon, were you inspired”? I asked; who cooks, and we both had a good laugh.

I’m now Buddhist.