The Final Choice

         “Damn it Brenda!” I yelled spinning away from her grabbing a handful of my hair. “Why did you have to tell me this?!”



         She shrunk away with hurt covering her face. “I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on this kind of occasion but I also know that you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl.” She said mustering up some of her usual spirit. “I love you and I know for a fact that if you knew this you wouldn’t even think of asking someone to marry you unless that person was me.”



         “No!” I yelled feeling my voice rise as the pain in my chest began to throb. “I love Mindy! Do you see those people in my yard? In my living room? Those people are her family. My family! I didn’t want this when I asked you to be my best man if she said yes!” I paced the room feeling panic spread. “All those times I begged you to love me, I tried for so long and you shot me down over and over again. Now that I’ve moved on and found someone who loves me back you want to try to feel something for me?” I bit my lip and looked back at Brenda.



         She stood there with a determined look on her face, but unlike when she walked into the room it was not full of confidence. It was laced with fear and pain. What did she expect me to say? I’d tried for almost a whole year to convince her that I loved her and wanted to be with her. Now, after I’d found a woman I could share my life with, she wanted to waltz in and say she could finally love me.



         “I know you love me Rei!” She argued. “You once told me we were soul mates. You can’t take that back. Can you honestly tell me that Mindy,” She nearly spat the word. “is your soul mate?”



         “You know what Bren, I do believe that you and me are soul mates but I’ve also learned that soul mates don’t always have to be together, they can just be friends. Maybe I didn’t get what I wanted in life. Maybe I am settling for someone who is less than my idea of perfect but you know what? She loves me. She chose me. I’m not a second choice for her and I don’t want to hurt her. So I am going to go downstairs and ask her for her hand because she never gave up on me. You just sat there and let me drown in order to save your own ass. I begged you for a chance and you shut me down without even trying to consider my feelings.”



         “I won’t leave again!” She yelled stepping towards me. “I am ready to try!” She clutched her chest above her heart and I could see she was being genuine.



         “I am not doing this right now Brenda.” I said icily trying to push past her to the door.



         “Kiss me once and tell me you don’t feel the same!” She demanded covering the door with her body.



         “Brenda… Just move. I don’t have time for this.”



         “No! I’m serious. Tell me you don’t love me.”



         Taking a deep breath I back up to the window. “Please, just stop.” I softly pleaded feeling tears forming in my eyes. “Why can’t you just let me be happy?”



         “I don’t think you’d ever be truly happy without me and I think you know that too.” She said walking to me and grabbing my hands. “I love you and I need you to let me prove it.”



         “Brenda…” I closed my eyes and felt my chest tighten.



         Without a word I gently cupped her face in my hand and ran my thumb along her cheek. “Why? Why now?” I asked sadly.



         She looked up at me but provided no answer. Seeing her face though, I knew I’d cave. She would win and I’d fall back into her arms if I kissed her. Still I needed to know so slowly I leaned down and hesitated with my mouth just above hers. My breath was shaky and the sound of our pounding hearts filled the tiny gap between us. “If I fall for you again…” I began staring into those big brown eyes that had held my heart for so long. “If you are playing with me or change your mind, it would kill me.”



         “I won’t leave again.” She promised in a meek voice full of fear and yearning.



         Closing the gap between us our lips met and fire exploded. I’d kissed girls before, hell I kissed Mindy all the time but none of my kisses had ever felt like this. This felt right, I felt like the earth stopped spinning and the stars aligned. She was who I wanted, who I’d always wanted. Even when I was a girl I’d loved her, the only difference was that she was Brandon and not Brenda. Wrapping my arms around her I pulled her closer into me and breathed in her scent.



         After a few long seconds I broke away from her breathless. “I hate you sometimes.” I muttered as I looked at her.



         “I know.”



         “I need to break things off with Mindy…” I said quietly, more to myself than to her.



         “Don’t bother.” A thick southern drawl reached my ears.



         “M-Mindy!” I gasped trying to figure out when she had come in.



         “It’s over.” She said with a snap before leaving the room and slamming the door.



         “Mindy!” I raced to the door but was stopped short by Brenda who had wide eyes.



         “Don’t go! Let her go!” She begged as she tightened her grip on my sleeve.



         I looked between Brenda and the door trying to force myself away from the big eyes that looked at me so full of fear and the woman who’s heart I had obviously just broken. Pulling my arm away I quickly ran a gentle hand over Brenda’s cheek. “I swear I’ll be back, but she deserves better than this. She deserves and explanation.” Without waiting any longer I ran after Mindy.



         I stumbled into the hallway and found my way to my bedroom at the end of the hall, there she was in tears frantically gathering her stuff rushing as if her life would end if too much time was spent here.



         "Mindy I..."



         "No!" she spun around so fast I swear I felt the wind flow off of her and send a chill across my face. "Rei you promised me there was nothing anymore, you promised me your heart...." Her hand raised as if to smack me and I braced myself, but the hit never came. I saw it in her eyes, the hurt I had caused and she just fell apart right in front of me. As she dropped her hand back down I saw the light of her soul fade to a dull flicker.



         "Mindy...." I felt myself stepping towards her. I know, I love Brenda and that she is my soul mate I love her so much, but seeing Mindy broken like that how could I leave her like that? It was my fault I did this. "Mindy I-"



         "Don’t say it" her voice came out so softly I almost didn’t hear it. "Don’t say it Rei, not now. Not now...." She slowly looked up tears falling leaving streaks down her cheeks. "Please don’t say it."



         I took another step, "I love you...." I stopped just inches from her. It was as if time ceased to move, each heart beat was centuries apart. Waiting for a response, part of me hoping for mt words to be returned, yet expecting an outburst of anger and hurt.



         "I hate how much I love you Rei...." Mindy’s hair fell covering her face, I couldn’t see them, those tears that fell, but I felt every one that left her eyes. "Why Rei?...Why her?...."



         "I don’t know…" I closed the gap between us, instinctively wrapping my arms around her. She was still facing away but I pulled her close anyway, her back lightly resting against my chest. This feeling. This was why I was proposing. Why did I remember this feeling after being so willing to let it go?



         I felt her light shaking, the shaking caused by silent crying. "Did you ever really love me or was it always her?"



         "I still really love you…"



         "But you love her more!!" She spun around sharply pushing me away for a moment.

I reacted by pulling her tight against my chest. Her arms folded up against me keeping a slight gap between us, our lips merely centimeters apart.



         "Why did you lead me on for so long Rei?" She looked at my lips then quickly looked away, I gently caught her chin with my hand and turned her to face me. I felt my heart skip and my lips tremble as they locked with hers. Not the same, not the same as Brenda but the spark was definitely there and it was a deep bond.



         Am I making the right choice?



         As my lips found their way to her neck I caught a glimpse of what looked like Brenda standing at the door from the corner of my eye. My mind spun, I felt the panic consume me but I didn’t stop. Why didn’t I stop? Why did my kisses grow deeper and my hands explore the familiar lands of Mindy’s body?



         "Rei stop." Mindy lightly pushed me away, her body still calling for me but her soul reminding her why it was a bad idea.



         "I love you Rei, so much, but there is nothing for us now..."



         "No Mindy, please…" I reached out for her but she stopped me, pushing my hands down still looking away.



         "Maybe sometime in the future you’ll realize it was me you wanted and not her...maybe I’ll be waiting.... just maybe..." She stood and walked out of the room. Right before vanishing down the hallway she stopped but never turned around. "And maybe I’ll still be waiting for you Rei, I don’t know."



         I stayed there for a moment sitting on the edge of my bed trying to regain myself. I had to go see Brenda, she would make everything clear, and she was why I made this choice in the first place.



         I stumbled down the hall in a daze but Mindy’s brother blocked my way. I knew him standing there wasn’t going to end well but I honestly could have cared less at that point.



         "Brenda told us everything! FUCKING EVERYTHING!!" I didn’t see the movement but I felt the sharp sting of his fist make contact with my jaw. I know I hit the ground but I didn’t feel any of it. I didn’t feel anything, I’m not even sure if I saw anything." YOU PLAY WITH MY SISTER THEN TOY WITH THAT POOR GIRL BRENDA!!!!!! STAND UP!!! STAND UP AND FIGHT ME LIKE THE BIG BAD MAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!" I felt him trying to yank me to my feet. I dragged myself up trying to remain standing waiting for the next hit, it didn’t really matter what direction it came from I didn’t plan to stop it anyway. I wanted him to hit me, to keep hitting me until every bit of pain was turned physical. Nothing happened, why didn’t it continue?



         "After all this she doesn’t want me to hurt you. You don’t know how lucky you are to still have her love, but I assure you I don’t walk away because I want to." He threatened.



         I heard him leave and I had to prop myself up on the wall to just remain standing. The silence was so deafening. In my typical fashion I’d lost everyone in trying not to lose anyone.



         I heard footsteps but I thought everyone had left what seems like hours ago. I heard them approaching but I didn’t plan to turn around. Let them do whatever they planned to do what does it matter? I thought bitterly as I tasted the blood in my mouth.



         "I knew I would find you like this Rei." Her voice so soft it was almost a whisper. Brenda?? Mindy?? It was so quiet I couldn’t make out who it was. Damn… apparently I don’t know either as well as I had thought...



         “I’m mad yes, and hurt but I can’t just.... well I swore I wouldn’t leave you to drown again…"



         I turned around swiftly. She stood in front of me almost like an angel. A mixture of relief and pain washed over me as I gazed at her face.



         "I love you Rei." She whispered so soft and so true.



         That pain was almost completely covered by the bliss I felt from those small words. "I love you too....." My voice trailed off as I said her name. The kiss that followed was the best I’ve ever experienced, nothing like ever before. I don’t understand it but I never wanted it to end.... I won’t let it end… I know now why I fell back into her web. I was and am completely and utterly in love with her, as if everyone didn’t already know it except us.