Forgive and Forget

Chapter 1
It is springtime, just the right time for things to start a fresh. For everyone else it is a normal Monday morning, 8.30 am. I a sitting in the second to last row in the commuter bus, heading into the central bus terminal. From there I will take the underground and get off after two stops. Then it is a 500 meter walk to the office. It is all scheduled and planned on my iPhone, no chance of failure. If I turn around I would see the morning sun blazing above the horizon of trees and high rise buildings. The sky is still clear, ash tinged clouds still hover over the city way off ahead of me but for now, the sky above is clear and I am here, right now.
I am here, right now. It is a mantra I started telling myself when my thoughts want to stray and find something to worry about. Even when I have nothing pressing to worry about. During the twenty minutes of calm on Saturday, late afternoon, after coming home from football practice and just before getting the dinner started, I had read an article in a magazine about mindfulness. I have read many articles about this topic and I feel inspired every time to take action. Grip my life with both hands and stop the racing thoughts which run through my head, trying to keep on top of everything. Work, children, husband, dog, family, friends, just to mention a few.
I look out of the window. The streets are still nearly empty. It is too early for most people to be up and out yet. I like starting my day early, before the crowds pour onto the buses, trains and streets. That makes me smile.
The smile makes me think of my husband, Peter, who came home from his business trip yesterday evening. The children were so happy to see him and so was I. He had bought me a bottle of perfume at the airport. It is the same perfume which I already have which meant he had not exerted much brainpower to figure out what kind of gift to buy, but I like it and, knowing Peter, the effort of shopping had probably been a feat in itself.
So I should be happy, here and right now. Things are good right here, and now. I sit with this calm and comforting thought as my phone plings, telling me I have a message. I bring it up and I can feel the dread of normality seize me. I see Peter's name and know I do not want to read the message, but my eyes are too curious.
"Why is Sebastian's swimming gear still in his bag, wet!"
Sebastian is fourteen years old so my initial reaction is to write that Peter should ask him but I stop. I have another mantra, or rather a rule. This one I have been following for nearly eight years and I still have to control myself to use it. I take a deep breath, turn the mute button on and put the phone away in my bag. Not answering works quite well. I can't help Peter. An answer to his question will not dry the swimming gear. It will not make Sebastian take more responsibility for his own swimming gear. It will just give Peter someone to blame for his own frustrations. I stare out of the window, look to the sky and try to find my peace again. I notice that the darker clouds have moved closer, casting their shadow over the city.