Instructions

I was never good at following instructions. I haven't read the instructions here, so I expect to lose whatever I write. I really am not sure how it all works.

I'll admit, sometimes instructions are useful. Some of those medications for old guys come with particular instructions, like "If erection persists more than 4 hours, consult your physician." The instructions are incomplete. What are you supposed to tell the physician?

"Dude, I have a SUPER POWER!"

Is the physician even going to be at work during a time where you have this problem? If so, shouldn't you call work first?

"In consideration of the sexual harassment policy, I will NOT be in today."

Couldn't you do something to make the problem go away on its own? Maybe play a recording of a baby screaming; or work on your taxes; or watch a Bette Midler movie.

I once put together a trampoline that came with instructions written by someone who spoke Chinese and wrote the entire set of instructions using Google Translate or something like that. The ONLY sentence I could understand came at the end:

"Retain these instructions for future reference."

I suppose if I wanted to relive how long it took me to put the thing together, or how long it took me to take it apart and then put it together again once I figured out how everything was supposed to fit together retaining them would have been helpful.

In fourth grade, my teacher gave the class a worksheet. The first line said "Read everything before doing anything." I was never one for reading and following instructions. It looked like a bunch of math problems and tricky questions. I don't know. I decided not to do it, so I just sat there. I did that a lot. After a half hour of staring into space, the teacher walked around and looked at our papers. As luck would have it, the very last line said "Put down your pencil and do not answer any of the questions above."

"Good job following directions," she said to me.

So, I learned something that day. I don't think it was what the teacher thought I had learned.

I don't know how to post this, and I haven't read the instructions. Maybe someone will see this some day. Maybe no one will. That's a risk I'm willing to take.