Freely Expressed

well i guess that you could say that i am really weird because everyone else thinks that i am. but honestly i dont care. i am me and that is all i could ever worry about. but enough about just me. there is this guy that i just sorta met and i think that he is pretty great. but he doesnt like me and i know that for a fact because all he talks about are the girls from where he moved from and how they are pretty and shit like that. but i wish i was pretty so he would talk about me. but i know that will never happen. and then this other guy that i know, we have a little more than just a friendship right now. he would rather do me than just be friends or actually be a couple. i mean i dont mind that we are doing this kind of stuff... but i mean with him and us not being anything but really just freinds... it just kinda feels awkward. like... you know what i mean. like everyone had at least 1 one-night-stand before. this is kind of like that but everyday. i just wish that he knew how much he actually means to me. i guess i just like too many guys... i get attached to guys so fucking easily, that every guy that i date, i end up still wanting them. even if it was a long time ago that we actually dated or had an actual conversation. but right now i just kinda wish that i was dead because i really think that i love this guy. he was my first and i was his first and we had something there but then after we broke up, he had a girlfriend and they just recently broke up and i want to be there for him. but i really want to be with him again and i am sorta happy that they broke up. so i am still talking to him and his ex and we are all friends but he will always have my heart and everything. if he ever asks me to do anything for him, i will because i love him with my body, heart, and soul. he is my forever and ever. he will always mean everything to me. well right now i am finishing my school year in Scottsbluff and then i am going back to Ephrata. i just hope that when i go back, everyone doesnt hate me or really reconize me...(my personality) i just really want to change and be a good person and try not to be the kind of person that everyone hates and the person that everyone wants to burn to death. then i am like there like hi and then they are like judging me like so fucking hardcore and it sucks because that is basically all that they do. and then the people that i am friends with, all they do is either laugh at me or laugh with me. they are kinda really humorous but whenever i say something, i feel like they are laughing at me when they are really laughing with me. and then some of my old friends, they are all up in my shit and trying to be my friend again so they would have friends because i told people how they are and shit and they would rather be friends with me instead of them. well that is my rant for today. byeeeeee