Breakdown

Feeling the walls I built crumbling all around me,
Panicking for this is not how it’s supposed to be,
I was supposed to stay strong, tall,
I was never meant to fall.

Feeling the tears my eyes cannot stop,
Seeing my body to the floor drop,
Trying to regain control of my gut reactions,
I end up breaking into a million fractions.

As the sobs become more uncontrollable,
I wish I could become more consolable,
But I am alone in the darkness wanting to cut again,
I want to inflict onto myself more pain.

My vision is blurry; the world around me is spinning,
And I cut, though I know I shouldn’t for I am sinning,
As my blood stains the wooden floor,
I grip my wrist, waiting for more.

I should be afraid of this monster inside of me,
But I’m not; instead I am grinning in glee,
I am sick and twisted, and I don’t want anyone else to know,
If anyone notices my scars, I tell them I got a nasty blow.

I feel bad for lying, but they can’t understand,
So, when facing the monster, alone I stand,
Without a remedy to help me get better,
I will need to buy another sweater.

I am sending out an SOS, which no one can see,
Nobody will come to rescue me,
I am drowning in my madness,
And this only strengthens my sadness.