Im not excited

i was looking at her , actually, i was gazing at her in astonishment , her eyes ,her nose, her lips, her skin , like heavenly pieces were put together in such a harmony, like a cocktail of fresh delicious fruits that can't taste any better, like a synchronized instrumental sounds that can't tone more peaceful . i was staring at her wondering how can a total stranger be the most important part of your daily life ? how could a person, a minute ago was nobody , be someone that you would like to spend the rest of the day with? i was staring at her, thinking if i just could move my hand and sweep her hair of her face. can i? i wanted to move my legs toward her to be closer as possible . but i couldnt do it now. its not that easy for me. but all i can do now is staring as a painter seeing the mona lisa for the first time. the problem is that the more i stare, the more i sink. she was standing there all gorgeous. she didnt need any kind of make- up , she was natural like a sakura true in its full bloom, she was like a beautiful warm spring , she was real.
she noticed my gazing. oh god , thats weird. i looked quickly to the window, like a spontaneous stupid reaction. why did i do that? so silly. she took my gaze to a long outstanding ride, i couldnt help it , i had to stare, you cant drag me into this big garden with flowers all over the place and tell me not to smell its scent. but she smiled. so tenderly so kindly so gently that i believed no other living person will have the right to smile ever again but her. i dont recall whether i smiled back or not, i think i did but who cares about my smile at that moment. if it was a theater performance , she will took all the audience attention and i wont even be noticed. i was thinking what if this scene would end with a kiss. like a romantic passionate kiss. she leans over slowly, i can smell her perfume, her lips are so close that i can feel her breath waving on my lips, like we breathe the same oxygen, like our lips were meant to touch, like a beginning of a new story ,like a great romantic fairy tale. i can feel the blood in my veins , i can count my heartbeats as my first kiss , the kiss that i dreamt about all my past days , is becoming true. "im happy you are feeling better now, you are probably feeling excited today, take care ". her voice woke me up from one of my best daydreams that i have ever had. like a wind sweep you off your feet. i wanted to space out the whole day. to live the dream. to live what i cant get in real life. my reality sucks. as she closed the door, her voice was fading out leaving me alone in this room on my wheelchair waiting for my dad to pick me up home as my last day in hospital ends now and thinking how can i wake up next morning knowing that i cant see her face again? how would my life be after i leave ? why cant i just stand up on my feet like normal people do and just talk to her? why should i spend the rest of my life sitting down? why cant i just get the only thing that i really wanted? i love this hospital now more than anything else.
" what im feeling right now is definitely not excitement, "