How Would Things Be Different?

         When I was 19 years old, I met the man of my dreams, and I knew it. I was raised for this. This is what my parents taught me: Grow up. Get Married. Have children. Then let the husband work while I stayed home taking care of the children. It was an ideal. A beautiful, beautiful dream. Of theirs. Looking back, I realize that I never had that dream for myself. The state of my unhappiness should have told me that I didn't buy into that dream, but I thought that's what I was supposed to do. It was what was expected of me.

         And the only genuine thing about the entire scenario is that I truly loved the boy. That he truly was the one for me. But knowing that didn't stop the hardships. It didn't stop me from doing stupid things. It didn't make me perfect. It didn't complete my life, and it certainly wasn't as easy as I was told it would be. I had the boy, but I had no idea who I was. He became my anchor as I drifted along in the world. I made mistake after mistake. I hurt him more than once as I struggled to find my place in the world. Yet he has always stayed by my side. He was the decision I made that was right when so many others were wrong.

         As a child, my goals and dreams were often ignored. My skills and talents given a mere shrugging of shoulders. My husband had the same experience. He was born to farm. I was born to marry. There were no other options presented to us, but we deviated from the plan. We had both been restless enough to break away from what was expected, but neither of us had any idea of how to get to where we dreamed of going. He was an amazing artist. I was an avid writer. We had aspirations of becoming something great. We dreamed of leaving a legacy of beauty and love behind when we died.

         Recently, my husband asked me: “How would life be different if you would have been taught to grow your natural talents, and build skills to help you expand on them? If just once, someone would have given you the support they gave your brother. How would life be different?”

         I thought about this for a long time. I knew exactly how life would be different. I would be writing. I would be speaking to audiences with the hope of inspiring and uplifting them. I would smile more and worry less. We wouldn't be rich, but we wouldn't be struggling so much either. If I had been taught that I had something of value to offer the world, I would have been standing here long before now. I would have opened the youth center of my dreams. I would have never stopped singing. I would have learned to dance. I would have grown into the woman that I am when I dare to dream of who I want to become.

         It's 2013. I'm edging ever closer to 40, and I feel like I'm running out of time. I feel like I should have figured all this out long before. I feel like I have, without meaning to, wasted my entire life on things that don't matter.

         I'm raising amazing kids. Staying home with them wasn't wrong. I love watching them grow and blossom into amazing people. I do my best to help them find their passions and their talents and then expand on them. I wish for them something greater than I found for myself …. or I should say that I hope it doesn't take them 40 years to find their place in the world. I haven't given up on myself yet. My life isn't over, but the window of opportunity to really make a difference in the world around me is closing faster and faster. I won't live forever. I hope that they will take lessons from their father and me, and that they will reach further.

         Together, my husband and I decided that we've gone the wrong way for too long. It's time to build our own destiny. It's time to forge our own path. I'm a freelance writer, but aspire to be so much more. I dream of opening a youth center in my community that will address the needs of both youth and adults. With school budgets being cut, we're in danger of losing programs like music and art; programs that are vital to kids. Without funding, we lose artists and musicians. We lose singers and actors. We lose scholars, philosophers and dreamers. – It is my dream to nurture those very gifts in our children while giving them a safe place to be. It's my dream to support them with a well rounded youth program that goes beyond the normal youth center. It's not a center for troubled kids. It's a center of learning, growing and becoming so that one day, they can go into the world and make a difference in their communities.

         My husband is creating the artwork for a series of books that are being published by his childhood friend. That opportunity has become a springboard for something more. His dream of being a published artist is closer and closer to reality.

         Don't wait to become who you were meant to be. If you're confused, find help. Don't be afraid to ask the person you admire for advice. If they're succeeding, ask them how. Most importantly, don't follow the path of least resistance. It will usually take you as far from where you were meant to be as it can. Stand up. Be counted. Do great things. Be who YOU were meant to be, and when you're 40 years old, you will be closer than I have been to having lived a fabulously authentic life.