My Addicted Son/There was This One Time.

When I think back on my relationship with my son, there is always love. There have, however, not been alot of good times, regretfully. Not when he was a child, but from when he started getting in trouble until now. There are alot of "there was this one time" as I imagine applies to pretty much anyone, in any given situation throughout a persons life. My oldest son was in the army and did 2 tours if Iraq and 1 of Afghanistan. For Christmas one year, he sent me a bracelet from Iraq. I treasured it, never wore it. I went to my bedroom one day to clean and happened to look in the box it had come in and it was gone. It had been replaced by a cheap costume bracelet. I knew my son had been the one to steal it, I just did not know when. It got to the point where I no longer confronted him because he blamed his friends, his brother, whoever was the handiest to blame (although I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't his brother). And his lies were so believable and you knew those big blue eyes behind he glasses were telling the truth. During one of his tries at living out in the world, I got a phone call from a friend saying that Tyler was laying on the floor passed out. It was New Years Eve and he was going over there to hang out with him. He couldn't get him to wake up by pounding on the door and the window. We went over there, and we could see his feet laying on the floor. After pounding on the door and window, my fiancee and my youngest son got in through a window but they wouldn't let me in because they were afraid he was dead. When they finally got him awake, thats when they let me in. His pupils were almost non existent. He stumbled about for a bit, then seemed to regain his senses. I'm assuming he OD'd and I'm figuring he got lucky that we got there when we did. We all got lucky that night I'm sure.

A mother loves her children beyond all hope, unconditionally, you know what I mean. I love my son Tyler exactly like this, and, as horrible as this sounds, as long as he doesn't live with me. I have seen him high one too many times. I can't see it again and I won't see it again. I have that right, don't I? He is, after all, almost 26 years old. He is not a little kid anymore.

There was this one time when, for Christmas, his older brother and I went in together and bought Tyler and his younger brother a laptop and an ipod. I was so excited for them to get their Christmas presents and waited for Christmas to get here. I think Tyler's lasted about a week. When I asked him where his laptop and ipod were, he told me they were at a friends house that he had stayed with and was going to get them later that day. That day never showed up.

Another time, I had a fossil watch. It was white but had the neoprene band because they fit my wrists better because they are small. It was sitting on the kitchen table (my mistake) and I looked for it getting ready for work. It was nowhere to be found. When I asked Tyler if he had seen it, he said no (of course) and when I eluded to the fact that it had to have been taken his reply was that no one would want a cheap Fossil watch with a plastic band because its worthless. It wasn't worthless to me, and, evidently, it wasn't worthless to him. It got him a fix or 2, I don't know how many or anything like that. He finally admitted to taking it while he was in rehab the first time.

I have never received a Christmas gift from him, never received a birthday present from him. Do I care? Not really....why do I mention it? I don't know to be honest. It just occurred to me talking about Christmas. Christmas becomes a little different when it comes to buying gifts for Tyler. I used to give him gift cards or really nice things. Now I am careful what I buy him. Last year, I got him a coat. Since I have bought him 2 pea coats and both have come up missing, I got him just a cheap coat that I bought off of ebay. Still nice, still new, but not near as nice as I had gotten him before. Guess where it is.....GONE! Just like everything else he has ever had. I can't give him money, I cant give him electronics, I can't give him anything that can be sold for drugs. What does that leave? I can always get him nothing. Is that an option? I don't know but it might be. Until he gets his head on straight and keeps the things he is given. Would I feel bad about it? You better believe it. Will that prevent him from getting him something as small as a Christmas present? I don't know.