What were those feelings?

I finally felt that it will drain me, my one sided relationship with him, he doesn’t care for me, like me or respect me in the slightest and doesn’t care if we were to part ways forever. I finally felt like I’ll be held back, humiliated again and again, treated like a pushover repeatedly by him who I liked but not loved, who I really wanted but never desired, who I wanted to be more than friends but less than lovers with but not just as lovers, from whom I wanted sincere, honest feelings but not love, with who I desired to have a close relationship with yet not something burdening, with whom I wanted to feel like I’m desired too but as a friend not as a lover.