I Am A Selfish Person

I never think of me as selfish. I always think of me as a very giving person. This morning, I came to realize that I am quite selfish, and I am not proud of me. I looked me in the mirror and thought about how blessed I am, and how over the past few days, I have thought of nothing much but how to better take care of me! Then I read an item on Facebook that made me think.

Some people are more concerned about animals than they are about people. Some people are more concerned about their next paycheck than they are about the people living right under their roof. Some people are more concerned about their children growing up than how they grow up. Some people are more worried about the house they live in, the car they drive, the cost of their sneakers, the size of their bank account, than their own personal health and well being let alone anyone else.

Are you wondering how that led to my self-discussion of my selfishness? Let me get to that. I woke up from sleep this morning praying for one of my grandsons. I prayed for him before going to sleep, and I woke up praying for him. Then I prayed for the health and well-being of others. I thought about getting up and joining a prayer line this morning to ask others to join me in my prayers, but I did not. What about this is selfish? Everything!

I did not wake up praying to God and thanking Him for keeping me throughout the night; for allowing grace and mercy to be with me all night long or even for the warm, comfortable home that He allowed me to sleep in. I woke up praying asking God for yet another favor, another miracle, another blessing, another opportunity. I woke up with my hand out, yet once again.

After God has given me so much, I woke up wanting still more. I know as a mother and a person, I often want to hear from my children, family, and friends -- just thank you without them wanting or needing anything from me. Sometimes I want that more than anything else in the world. However with the size of my family, you can only imagine how unlikely and impossible it will be for all needs to be met and addressed for them all the time at the same time. So there will always be one or more in need of something, even if it is only the need to talk.

Then I thought about God and my relationship with Him. I wondered if He would love just to hear thank you sometimes without the need for something else. I asked myself, how do you usually start off your day? The answer was simple. With prayer, but then it got complicated. Yes, with prayer, but what do you pray for and why? I pray for me because I am seeking God's blessings, attention, time, mercy, grace, love, understanding, affection, and the list just kept on growing. Are you beginning to see the selfishness of me?

Then I pray for family and friends, our nation, our leaders, and this list also keeps on growing. Yes, I thank God for all of His blessings, mercies, and gifts to us, but do I ever just wake up with just pure thankfulness on my lips? That was the 64,000 dollar question. With that question answered, I determined that I was a very selfish person, and I asked God for yet something else -- to be a better person. It seems that I can do nothing without God, and I have been that way so long that I am just too old to change.

God has to be first in my life, Sister Helen Cromartie, Brother Robert Lee Sutton, Mother Johnathan Greene, and, of course, my own Mother, Florence Henrietta Brown Williams drilled that into me almost every day of the week for years at Saint James Holiness Church in Screven, Georgia. God First, others second, and self last!

What a lesson. It is a lesson that really should be taught in our society today. What a much better world we would be living in today.

Peace and blessings always.