Ashamed

I lay on my bed
I cannot sleep
Eyes and ears wide open
Listening
Waiting
I hear his footsteps
Plodding up the stairs
he walks along the hallway
He stops
I hold my breath
The doorknob turns
My stomach tightens with fear

I squeeze my eyes shut
Pretend to be asleep
I know it is pointless
He walks over to my princess bed
All pretty in pink
I can smell him
Beer and fags
He is gross
I hate him
He sits by my side
I am terrified
I know what he wants
I don’t want to
I don’t want to

Please leave me alone
I whisper, begging him
Ignoring my plea
He puts his hand there
Stubby dirty fingers
He touches my boobies
I feel sick
I think I am shaking
He moves his horrible hands
Across my belly
He places his fingers where no one should touch
My private place
He puts one finger inside my privates
It hurts
I hate him
I want him to stop
Please stop

Invaded
Tears roll down my cheeks
As he takes my hand
He makes me touch him
His thing, long and hard
Red and veiny its horrible
He puts it in my mouth
I gag
He orders me to suck
I don’t know how
My mouth is too small
I cannot breathe
I feel sick
And I wretch




He says I am useless
Then gets on top of me
Forcing my legs open
He puts his thing into my small body
Into my private place
It hurts so much
He doesn’t care
He tells me to be quiet
Puts his large hairy hand across my mouth
I am crying silent tears
He grunts and he groans
Only for minutes
For me it feels like hours
My tiny body
Beneath his massive bulk
Crushed and in pain
Why is he doing this?
He said it’s because he loves me
I am his special princess, his angel
I look pretty in my pink nightie
I feel ashamed
I feel ugly

Abused and violated
I cannot fight back
I have no tongue
If I tell no one will believe me he says
He is right
I'm just a child
But I can't tell
I'm ashamed, embarrassed
He is finished and satisfied
He stands up and leaves my room
He smiles and says goodnight
Like this is normal
But it's not
I know it's not
It is never a good night for me
I often wish for death
Is this what I am here for?
Silently sentenced to hell
My home
Where I should be safe
I close my eyes
I am sore
I am ashamed
I am ready for death
And I am 10