Dark Star

Eric rose from the corpse of his recent victim.... Took a second to admire his work, then turned to leave. But standing rather conveniently in the doorway he intended to exit from.... Was a human girl. She looked no more than 18 earth years (an approximation of the highest order since Eric had no idea how frail these human beings were), and was wearing some sort of dress. A dirty one at that.
There was an awkward silence for about two minutes as the two stared at each other from across the room, the girl was remaining terribly still and Eric was worried if she had some sort of condition that made her stare at people for prolonged periods of time.
Suddenly she broke the silence
'Hello'
'Erm hello... How are you today? '
She looked down at the dead man behind him
' Did you just kill that man? '
' I certainly hope so'
'Why? '
' Well he owed me money and decided to run around telling people that I have a bowel disorder, something I didn't take kindly to'
Eric had no idea why he was opening up to her, but something about her.... Compelled him to answer her questions
She nodded appreciatively
'So..... Can I leave now? 'He asked tentatively' I need to go before anyone notices I alighted upon this rock'
'Where are you going? '
' As far away from here as I can'
'You're not going to bury your friend over there? '
He looked back at the slain man and shrugged
' Wasn't planning on it really '
' It's not nice to just leave your friends bodies lying around in random buildings you know. Makes you seem untidy '
' In which case I'm the untidiest man in the galaxy. And in any case he wasn't even my friend '
She shook her head judgmentally.
Eric begun to tire of these games, he had a billion other things to do and people to hunt, and this human girl in a dirty dress was setting his schedule back weeks by simply speaking with him. He decided he' d have to kill her, and continue on his way. Maybe he'd put in some effort and place her body next to the man he'd just killed. Just to prove her wrong.
'Okay I think I'll have to be going now ' he said confidently and made for the door. She moved to intercept
' I still have questions '
He sighed and pulled out a phaser from his belt and pointed it straight at her forehead.
' Listen girl, first of all I don't appreciate being judged by a lifeform less than 100 galactic cycles old, second, do you ever think of staring at people less? It could really improve your social skills. And third if you don't move out of this doorway, I'm going to shoot you in the forehead, place you neatly next to my friend there and leave this godforsaken planet for good. Understand? '
She contemplated this for a while.... remaining calm all the while. After a series of eye rolls and possible self-arguments, she spoke
' Were you really going to lay me neatly next to the man you just killed? '
Eric shrugged, an increasingly frequent habit around this girl it would seem
' There's a first time for everything '
She nodded again
' I'm coming with you '
Eric shook his head, are all human beings this obstinate? he thought to himself
' Only the chosen few ' She replied
Eric turned to her sharply, A Mind reader? He thought
' No I'm not a mind reader.... You just think aloud that's all'
'Oh'
'So am I coming with you? '
Eric pretended to ponder for a second.... Then when he felt he had waited the appropriate amount of time... He spoke adamantly
' No, I’m not taking anything from this planet except a rock for my rock collection '
' I find it hard to believe that you collect rocks’ She said.... Smiling slightly.
Eric shifted under her uncomfortable gaze
' Well believe what you want. Everyone needs a hobby. Yours is probably making galactic travelers uncomfortable '
She shrugged
' Okay that's enough of this 'Eric said.... Exasperated... And proceeded to do what he probably should have done in the first place. His arm had been hurting from pointing the gun at the girl... And he was beginning to get hungry. So he just passed her and left. Before he exited the building however.... She had something to say
'If you leave, I'm going to run after you screaming till you accept my proposal. Or till you kill me... It's your choice really '
He turned... Preparing to hit her with a statement of such unquestionable logical premise that she would simply stand there.... Dumbfounded and amazed by his intellect. But before he had the chance, voices rose from the other side of the doorway.
In hindsight.... Many an hour later as he pondered his actions in that warehouse.... He would have thought on what he could have done differently, and would shake his head in abject disappointment at the wastage of a perfectly good logical argument.
He grabbed the girl by her shoulders and pulled her to the side of the warehouse, where they were partly hidden by the stairs. He motioned to the girl that she should keep quiet (which he highly doubted she would do) and waited.
Two guards walked in, armed with phaser rifles and bio suits. Eric supposed they were part of the Imperial Guard. He hated the Imperial Guard.
They engaged in some idle banter as they walked into the warehouse, which involved an argument about which planet had the most beautiful women, between Olaris and Mechan.
It went as follows
'I'm telling you.... No one wants to date a robot. Imagine she spills oil on ya food, that's not going to agree with your digestive tract '
' And I'm telling you the women from Olaris, far dumber than these earth rocks '
Then they saw the dead body
' Well well well, what do we have here Grik'
The one called Grik replied, and in an attempt to seem interesting.... Totally ruined the moment
'He's dead isn't he? '
His companion turned towards him.... Disappointment emanating from him
' Yes Grik, that tends to happen when you have a six-inch hole blasted through your sternum '
' Just asking.... No need to be all rude. Who do you think killed him Larry? '
Eric scoffed as silently as possible, an Imperial Guard named Larry? The Guard was really slacking in its recruitment protocols
Larry bent down to examine the corpse further
' Body's still fresh, killer can't have gone far. And the warehouse was clean when we swept it a few minutes ago. Unless we have a form shifter.... I'd say we have us a murder case Grik. Finally, the skills I got as a detective in the Outer Quadrants are about to pay off'
'Oh Joy ', Grik said enthusiastically
Then The girl sneezed. It was quiet, and she had tried to hide it, but the dust had agitated her rather delicate olfactory facilities. Eric looked at her like she had just murdered his mother. She looked at him and shrugged.
The Imperial guards turned they weapons to their region of the warehouse immediately.
'Oi' Grik shouted rather elegantly 'Who's there?'
Eric turned to the girl with an expression that could only mean ‘I hope you’re happy now’
Then with a humph, he walked out of the hiding spot, with his arms raised above his head, phaser in one hand.

‘Now, now gentlemen, no need for any unpleasantness’ he said, addressing the two cops who levelled their rifles at his chest.
Grik’s visor flipped down, revealing his unpleasant smiling green visage, to a human being, he very much resembled a toad. And to every other being in the galaxy, the semi amphibian race was still considered a close relative to the earth toad.
‘Eric, what are you doing… here?’ and he motioned in the general direction of the roof of the warehouse ‘We’ve been looking for you’
‘And how was that going for you?’
Grik’s smile faltered. He paused, then in a very low voice said ‘Not very well’
Larry deigned to lower his visor, and instead spoke with the feigned authority of a man who had been peculiarly excited by a new type of alcoholic beverage.
‘Doesn’t matter how our search was going before, we have you now, and that’s all that matters. Grik, I see big things ahead of us my flatulent friend. You might even manage to get that skin graft for Clara she’s been asking for’
Grik shifted uncomfortably ‘Yes. It’s for Clara of course’ and shifted his gaze elsewhere
‘I must comment however,’ Larry continued ‘for a very tough and law breaking vagabond, you have a very feminine sneeze’
Eric looked offended
‘Oh, I didn’t know that sneezes had genders these days. Can you believe this guy Grik?’
Grik suddenly turned back after hearing his name, he had trailed off after seeing a particularly juicy fly make its way across the room. His face flushed an unattractive shade of green, but no one seemed to notice this, for which he was glad.
‘Oh no…yes… I’m sorry what was the question?’
Larry shook his head, disappointed by his partner’s ineptitude.
‘Point is you’re going to The Facility for a very, very long time’
‘Oh the Facility, I’m trembling’ Eric shot back sarcastically.
He wasn’t actually trembling, but a bead of sweat had formulated at the base of his neck and was running down his back. He had made plenty enemies in his line of work, and he was pretty sure that most of them were spending the remainder of their galactic cycles in the Facility. If he was to survive this particular ordeal, he needed to act fast. Then an idea popped up.
‘Hey Grik, do you want me to go to The Facility?’
Grik looked confused for a moment, as Larry was pointedly looking at him now. His amphibian brain begun to swim, thoughts getting jumbled up and twisted. The humble semi Amphibian race were a simple people, living most of their lives submerged in water, and those who bothered to actually alight on land only did so to till the land and engage in activities that involved a significant amount of fire. Grik, for all his simplicity, had always yearned for something more…. fulfilling from life. So he had surpassed his whole family lines education qualifications, and when the Imperial Guard Corps came by on a recruitment run (which they did solely out of courtesy, they didn’t expect to find any actual volunteers on the planet. And the fish cakes as well, plenty of fish cakes), Grik had signed up with little thought to the matter. A decision which was haunting him at the exact moment. He had earlier discovered that the full extent of his deduction abilities were reduced to a single line of command.
Point and shoot
He was the single best sharp shooter in his entire year for the sole purpose that the larger part of his brain was totally committed to this command. And when it was engaged otherwise, poor Grik looked as lost as an earth fish at a bonfire.
‘I mean, you did blow up my favorite gun on Illas’ he managed to say, and immediately felt proud of his efforts.
Eric nodded
‘Yes, I did do that, but the alternative was that I would get captured and shipped off to the most hostile prison in the universe. Look at it this way, if you had a hand in sending me to the prison, consider, I’d just find a way to escape in a very violent and dramatic fashion. Then proceed to cost the Galactic Council several million units in property damage. Then you’d be reassigned to find me, and the vicious cycle of expenditure would continue, eventually culminating in the severe collapse of the Galactic Market and the explosion of one or two minor moons. I mean, if I was you, I’d release me, then go after myself, thus alleviating many a disaster and keeping this little dynamic of ours going’
Upon hearing this argument, Grik’s mouth opened, and a fly promptly flew in. But even this did not register to him, as his brain struggled to grasp the meaning of the word ‘culminate’.
Larry ripped off his mask, revealing a blue head, smooth as marble, with relatively humanoid features, save for the extra nostrils.
‘Now look’ he exclaimed, exasperated ‘You’ve broken his mind’ and waved his hand in front of Grik’s blank face. It was the last act he would ever commit.
Eric fired two shots at their foreheads, and their heads promptly exploded with a sickening pop. Blood and brain tissue splattered everywhere, and their two bodies slumped to the ground. Poor Grik’s last thought was ‘I really should have stayed with my parents’ before he ceased to exist.
Eric stood there, a bit shocked at the results of his actions.
The girl sprung out from the corner, shock written all over her face
‘Do you ever stop murdering people?’ she exclaimed as she walked around the dead guards.
‘Oh, would you look at that. I had set it to maim instead of stun. Purely my mistake’ Eric said, and promptly turned the dial on his gun to stun, realized it was too late, then turned it back to maim, and sheathed it.
‘Well your mistake cost them their lives. The green one was really stupid, he didn’t deserve to die like this’
But Eric was already leaving
‘I’d take some time to understand the correlation between his stupidity and the violence of his death. But I’m too busy trying to escape the scene of the crime’
He exited the warehouse, only to find himself facing a hastily assembled squad of guards, all pointing their phaser rifles at him. then he remembered that Imperial Guards had a beacon in their suits that alerted them if one of them was in mortal danger, or dead. In hindsight, he was impressed with the speed of their response.
And just before he could take another second to appreciate just how much of a farce the human girl had managed to land him in, they all fired.