Like A Moth To A Light

A Moth to a Light

by:Erin Vaughn

Playing on a 90's throw back radio station in the background.

Like a moth to a flame
Burned by the fire
My love is blind
Can't you see my desire
That's the way love goes

Janet Jackson - That's the way love goes (1993)



"You know this song perfectly describes you and Johnny, right?" Sarah said to Jessie, who was sprawled on the floor of her dorm room with every course book she had in front of her. "What?" Jessie said, not taking her eyes off of what ever book she was studying at the moment. Sarah had stopped studying over an hour ago. "This song. Listen to the lyrics. You are the moth and Johnny is the flame you are unswervingly drawn to." She said just before flopping back onto Jessie's bed and then making a swerving motion with one hand.

Sarah and Jessie have been best friends since before they could walk or talk. They've been through a lot as friends, but so far their biggest hurdle in their friendship has been Jessie's on again/off again boyfriend Johnny. Sarah thinks he is dangerous and reckless. Jessie thinks that just because he gives her a spare helmet that he truly cares for her.

"Hmm, I see what you're saying. I do tend to be a brainless flying bug who doesn't even have the self dignity to be a butterfly. How could I not fly straight for such a bright shining light like Johnny?" Jessie said with more sarcasm than Sarah thought she was capable of. Sarah knew it was sarcasm for two reasons. 1) Jessie would never honestly admit to being brainless. And 2) Johnnie was anything but a bright shining light. He was actually one of the darkest people Sarah had ever had the misfortune of meeting.

Not dark in a goth - I only wear black and rings of black eyeliner around my eyes because I'm original and won't conform - dark, but in a you can see evil in his eyes dark.

"You know what I mean Jessie. I've never been shy about my dislike for him. I think you are better off without him." Sarah said. "Ugh, Sarah, I'm not talking about this tonight." Jessie said as she closed the book in her lap and scowled at Sarah. "I really need to study. So either help me study or go back to your room." She finished and then opened her book, returning to her studies. "I need to take a shower anyway. I'll see you tomorrow." Sarah said before walking out the door and closing it behind her. Just before walking away she heard the lock click signaling Jessie wanted to be left alone.

Sarah fought the urge to text or call Jessie all night. They aren't suppose to be out of their dorm rooms after eleven pm, so she wouldn't have been able to go down to Jessie's room even if she wanted to.

The next morning Sarah got up and went to class without sending Jessie a good morning text like she normally does. She figured Jessie would contact her when she was ready to talk. But when Sarah still hadn't heard from her by lunch time, she decided to swallow her pride and make the first move by sending Jessie a text message that simply said ~Hey. Sarah knew Jessie's schedule like it was her own. She knew that Jessie should currently be between classes. So when she hadn't texted back five minutes later Sarah sent another text apologizing for the night before. ~Jes, please answer my texts. I'm sorry I upset you last night. Let me make it up to you.

By the time Sarah had made it back to the dorm building her and Jessie both lived in she still hadn't heard back from her. The dorm building they lived in was five stories tall and housed over three hundred students. Sarah's room was a private room her dad sprang for on the fifth floor, while Jessie's room was a standard issue room on the third floor that she shared with another girl who was never there. Sarah decided that Jessie had no choice but to talk to her, because for heavens sake she's her best friend, and headed straight up to the third floor and right up to Jessie's door, which was closed and locked.

Sarah knew there was no way it was still locked from the night before. Jessie had classes that morning. Plus she was on an academic scholarship and couldn't miss a single class or she would get put on probation and her scholarship would be up for review. Jessie never over sleeps and is never late for anything. Sarah started to feel in the pit of her stomach that something wasn't right.

Just then Sarah noticed one of Jessie's dorm neighbors walking toward her in the hall. "Hey, have you seen Jessie today?" Sarah asked the girls as she approached her. "Not today, but I saw her leave last night. Just before Ten." Said one of the girls, just before she rounded the corner out of sight.

Ten? Where would she be going at ten o'clock at night? Sarah thought to herself. She quickly wrote a note on the white board attached to Jessie's door, gave the door knob one last jiggle, then left.

A couple hours had passed and Sarah still hadn't heard a peep from Jessie. Despite the fact that Sarah was texting her every twenty minutes. She even got scolded in front of her Philosophy class when her professor caught her texting half way through class.

Sarah had never gone this long without talking to Jessie. They didn't fight often. But on the rare occasion they did Jessie was usually the one to apologize first, even when she wasn't wrong. She hated tension, and she especially hated feeling like someone was mad at her. A lot of people would describe her as a people pleaser. Sarah sometimes thought that was one of the reasons Johnny kept coming back to Jessie. He knew he could mistreat her, make her feel low, and she would always think it was something she did. That she had to make up for something, when she wasn't the one who did anything wrong. Sarah was sure that fed into Johnny's enormous ego.

Sarah, once again, made her way down to Jessie's room. She felt her stomach flip with excitement when she rounded the corner and could see that Jessie's dorm room door was open. Disappointment set in when she got to the door and saw that it was only Jessie's roommate, who she barely recognized, in the room. "Hey....Have you seen Jessie?" She asked. Jessie's roommate was so rarely in the room that Sarah forgot what her name was. "Oh, gosh, that's her name." She said, smacking her palm to her forehead. Clearly, the roommate had the same problem with names. "No, I haven't. I actually had to have the RA let me in because the door was locked, and I left my key in this drawer." She continued as she rummaged through the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed Sarah was sure the nameless roommate had never slept in. "Okay, thanks." Sarah said. "If you see her will you tell her Sarah was looking for her?" She asked just before leaving. "I don't think I will see her, but sure." Said the nameless girl.

Sarah was starting to get worried. She knew she had to reach out to the last person she wanted to...Johnny. ~Hey, if Jessie is with you please have her call me.

No answer.

Five minutes later. ~Johnny please. I haven't heard from her all day. I just need to know she is okay.

No answer.

Sarah was starting to panic. It had been almost twenty four hours since her "fight", if that's what you could call it, with Jessie. This was all very out side of Jessie's normal behavior. She had no choice but to call Jessie's parents. She had known them her entire life, but always felt strange talking to them on the phone. Neither her mother or father had heard from Jessie since the day prior. With assurance from them that they would call her if they heard from Jessie, Sarah fell asleep fully clothed, cell phone in one hand and her car keys in the other, ready to go at any moment, if needed. But that moment never came. Sarah slept straight through the night, without a single text or phone call from anyone.

Sarah was surprised to see that the call that woke her up the next morning was from her own mom.

"Mom?" She said with a groggy, sleepy voice. "Hi sweetie, are you awake?" Her moms sweet voice asked. "Yeah, yeah, what's up?" She said through a yawn. She sat up, almost poking herself in the eye with the car key she was still holding as she tried to rub the sleep out of her eye. "Sarah, Mr. and Mrs. Miller need you to go over to Mercy Hospital. A girl was found wondering the woods yesterday near your campus and they think it might be Jessie. They need you to go see if its her and stay with her until they get there. It will be a few hours, they are already on their way." Her mom explained. Sarah pulled a pair of shoes on and ran out the door, down five flights of stairs, and across a full parking lot to her car.

It took Sarah twenty minutes to get from their dorm to Mercy Hospital. After signing in as a visitor and finding out where to find Jessie, Sarah found herself standing just outside the door to the mental illness ward of the hospital. The nurse standing beside her had already explained the condition Jessie was in and what to expect when she saw her. But nothing the nurse told her could have prepared her for what she saw the very moment her eyes found Jessie.

Both her ankles and wrists were strapped to the hospital bed she laid on. Dark purple circles rimmed her eyes. Dirt covered her entire body, with clumps of mud and leaves tangled in her hair. As Sarah got closer she could see that Jessie's nails - which were usually manicured to perfection - were bitten or broken down to nubs and had a mixture of blood and dirt caked around them. Each one of her knuckles had either been scraped or cut open, and she had tiny scrapes running up her arms. But what startled Sarah the most was Jessie's eyes. The whites were no longer white, but bright red with blood.

Sarah stood next to Jessie's bed, looking at her trying to come up with the right words to say. She was literally speechless. She had never seen anyone in the condition Jessie was in, and didn't know what to say. What could she say? Sorry just didn't feel right. She decided that she would just sit and hold Jessie's hand until her parents arrived. Just as she was about to sit down she heard loud, fast, footsteps in the hall just outside the door. Then she heard his voice. She would recognize Johnny's voice anywhere, mostly because it reminded her of scrapping silverware on a plate.

Her long legs got her from the side of Jessie's hospital bed to the door in three long strides. Opening the door just enough so that her slim frame could squeeze through, Sarah stepped into the hallway where Johnny and a nurse were standing. "Why are you here?" She snapped at him. "Jessie's parents called me. They said she was found in the woods. Is she okay?" He explained. "We don't know." She answered shortly. "Can I see her?" He asked the nurse. Before Sarah could object the nurse ushered Johnny into the room.

Jessie had not made even a minute movement the entire time Sarah was in the room with her before. Johnny was only a few steps in the door when Jessie began to freak out. Her eyes began to bulge out of her head, and her mouth was open as if screaming but no noise came out. She almost flipped her bed over trying to get out of it, but with her ankles and wrists still strapped down all she could do was violently convulse against the restraints trying to break free. The nurse called for help and Sarah and Johnny were ushered back out of the room.

"This wasn't suppose to happen." Johnny said just under his voice. But Sarah heard him. "What wasn't suppose to happen?" She said, pushing him up against the wall, pinning his shoulders back. "It was just suppose to be a little fun, just give her a scare." He said. "What did you do to her?" She asked. Johnny didn't answer. Unpinning his shoulders from the wall Sarah asked again, "What did you do to her Johnny?" He still didn't say a word. He sat on the floor in the hallway with his knees to his chest and his hands over his face.

By the time Jessie's parents arrived at the hospital the police were already speaking to Johnny.

The police explained that Johnny admitted to luring Jessie out the night before, telling her that he wanted to go into the woods and stargaze for a few hours to help her relax for exams the next day. It was when they were in the woods that things took a turn. Johnny had made plans with a few of his friends to play a prank on her. A prank that went to far.

Earlier that day Johnny and a few friends went out into the area of the woods that he and Jessie were to be later in the night. They set up speakers and other noise makers that were meant to make Jessie think there was some kind of creature in the woods. Johnny went to "look" for the creature. Knowing that Jessie wouldn't sit still for long Johnny and his friends set up a rig on a tree to make it look to Jessie as if Johnny had been mutilated and then speared to a tree. He knew it would scare her, but didn't expect her to run away. The forest that lines the college campus is dense with trees and can be hard to navigate even in the daylight. According to Johnny it took him less than five minutes to get out of the rig on the tree and get back to the spot they had been stargazing but Jessie was nowhere to be found. He admitted that he didn't look for her for very long. Assuming she went back to her dorm room he went home. When asked why he didn't call anyone, not even Jessie, to see if she was okay Johnny said he was scared he would get in trouble. And trouble he got.

Johnny was charged and plead guilty to reckless endangerment. He spent six months, the maximum, in county jail and paid a fine toward Jessie's medical bills. Jessie's parents got a permanent restraining order against him so Jessie would never have to see him again.

Jessie never recovered from that night and Sarah lost her best friend forever.

Jessie spent the rest of her life in a home, near her childhood home, for mentally unstable people. Even after regaining the ability to speak and understood that Johnny wasn't dead. That it was all a prank that went to far, Jessie never seemed to get that night out of her head. Nobody knows for sure what happened to her after she ran from the sight of Johnny bloody, apparently dead, against that tree. The doctors can only assume she tried to climb a tree at some point based on the scrapes covering her arms and legs. She either lost or took off her shoes at some point based on the dirt under her chipped and bruised toe nails. It was also assumed that she tried to dig a hole for some reason as her nails and fingertips were scraped and bleeding, with dirt deep under the nail plate. No other details are known and Jessie refuses to talk about that night.

Jessie only allows her mother to visit. Not even her dad is allowed. For a long time Sarah would send letters via Jessie's mother, but never received a response back. Eventually, Sarah moved away for work. She would hear from Jessie's mother every so often for updates on her condition, never any worth while changes.

On the morning of the ten year anniversary of Jessie's mind altering night in the woods Sarah received a phone call she never thought she would get.

"Sarah?" A soft voice asked. "This is Sarah. Who is this?" She asked back. "Has it been so long you don't recognize my voice?" The soft voice said with just a hint of sarcasm. Sarah's body went stiff and her mouth fell open. "Jessie?" She finally managed to ask. "Sarah, I don't have long. I need you now. Please come." That's all she said before abruptly hanging up.

Before Sarah even knew what she was doing, she was at the airport booking the first flight back to her hometown. Her travel time was less than five hours, but by the time she arrived at the facility where Jessie stayed she was gone. Her room was emptied of anything that would give notice that someone lived there. All her clothes were gone. The only thing that stood out was a bright yellow envelope leaning against a pillow on the bed. Written in handwriting Sarah recognized as Jessie's straight away was her own name. She opened the envelope and two items fell out and onto the bed.

The first item Sarah recognized. It was Jessie's half of a heart shaped friendship necklace they had bought in the eighth grade. The other item was a small piece of paper with writing so small Sarah wouldn't be able to read it without a magnifier. The only words she was able to recognize were the first two. Written in slightly larger handwriting -He Lied.

THE END. For now.